Family keeps asking me how the baby is doing not how I am doing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:welcome to being a mother, where it is not all about you

hello. must be your first. it will never be about you, again.

I'm truly sorry no one cares about you. The fact that the baby comes first should never translate into the mother doesn't matter, and martyrdom on this point is not admirable.

It’s not about martyrdom but it’s the real truth. From this point on it will be about how the baby is doing, mother is secondary. Not that nobody cares, but in reality nobody cares.

But, this is when you can be assertive and tell people what you want. Do you need help so tell your in-laws when they come to visit what you need. You need them to cook dinner, let them know. Do you want your husband to do laundry, voice it and tell him.

[Anonymous]

Better get used to it, that's how it goes after the baby is born.

The next generation becomes more important. Your kid will have an actual identity in the world and you are just "Mom."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are coming for the birth and this is my concern- I feel like they are here for the baby and not for me. I want people to help ME, not to just want to hold the baby and coo over him. MIL is not the type that will cook or clean for me. I feel so resentful that they are coming.

Tell them not to then. You're a big girl. Prioritize yourself if no one else will do it. If you're not going to speak up though, then STFU about it and stop complaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are coming for the birth and this is my concern- I feel like they are here for the baby and not for me. I want people to help ME, not to just want to hold the baby and coo over him. MIL is not the type that will cook or clean for me. I feel so resentful that they are coming.

Tell them not to then. You're a big girl. Prioritize yourself if no one else will do it. If you're not going to speak up though, then STFU about it and stop complaining.

DH will not hear of them not coming. We have had fights about this. I spoke up for myself and it didn’t work. Thanks for making me feel worse!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are coming for the birth and this is my concern- I feel like they are here for the baby and not for me. I want people to help ME, not to just want to hold the baby and coo over him. MIL is not the type that will cook or clean for me. I feel so resentful that they are coming.

Tell them not to then. You're a big girl. Prioritize yourself if no one else will do it. If you're not going to speak up though, then STFU about it and stop complaining.

DH will not hear of them not coming. We have had fights about this. I spoke up for myself and it didn’t work. Thanks for making me feel worse!

Do take out and DH can clean for yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Megan Markle is that you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are coming for the birth and this is my concern- I feel like they are here for the baby and not for me. I want people to help ME, not to just want to hold the baby and coo over him. MIL is not the type that will cook or clean for me. I feel so resentful that they are coming.

Tell them not to then. You're a big girl. Prioritize yourself if no one else will do it. If you're not going to speak up though, then STFU about it and stop complaining.

DH will not hear of them not coming. We have had fights about this. I spoke up for myself and it didn’t work. Thanks for making me feel worse!

Yikes.

How long are they staying?

You need to stay in your room and do nothing. Seriously. Hold the baby asking as you want. The newborn phase is all about mom and baby. Also, what about YOUR mom? Your DH sounds like an a$$ for insisting you host his family postpartum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are coming for the birth and this is my concern- I feel like they are here for the baby and not for me. I want people to help ME, not to just want to hold the baby and coo over him. MIL is not the type that will cook or clean for me. I feel so resentful that they are coming.

This is a bad idea. How old is your baby? How long are they staying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are coming for the birth and this is my concern- I feel like they are here for the baby and not for me. I want people to help ME, not to just want to hold the baby and coo over him. MIL is not the type that will cook or clean for me. I feel so resentful that they are coming.

Unfortunately you'll have to find ways to take advantage of the holding and cooing role. Let them hold baby while you take a nap or a shower. Rely on takeout for the first few weeks, hopefully they'll pick up the tab on a few of the meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are coming for the birth and this is my concern- I feel like they are here for the baby and not for me. I want people to help ME, not to just want to hold the baby and coo over him. MIL is not the type that will cook or clean for me. I feel so resentful that they are coming.

Tell them not to then. You're a big girl. Prioritize yourself if no one else will do it. If you're not going to speak up though, then STFU about it and stop complaining.

DH will not hear of them not coming. We have had fights about this. I spoke up for myself and it didn’t work. Thanks for making me feel worse!

Yikes.

How long are they staying?

You need to stay in your room and do nothing. Seriously. Hold the baby asking as you want. The newborn phase is all about mom and baby. Also, what about YOUR mom? Your DH sounds like an a$$ for insisting you host his family postpartum.

They are staying in a hotel nearby for 2 weeks (not our apartment, which is too small to host them). But I’m guessing they will come over during the day to see baby.

[Anonymous]

Tell them you want them to ask how you're doing too. To them you are included when they ask about the baby.

[Anonymous]

There are pregnant women that complain about people asking how they're dong all the time. People don't know what you want or don't want unless you tell them. You need to learn to communicate.

Relative: How's the baby doing?

You: Baby's great. I'm feeling crummy today though. It hurts my feelings that you keep asking how the baby is, but not how I am.

Relative: Oh my goodness! I didn't realize I was doing that. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are coming for the birth and this is my concern- I feel like they are here for the baby and not for me. I want people to help ME, not to just want to hold the baby and coo over him. MIL is not the type that will cook or clean for me. I feel so resentful that they are coming.

Tell them not to then. You're a big girl. Prioritize yourself if no one else will do it. If you're not going to speak up though, then STFU about it and stop complaining.

DH will not hear of them not coming. We have had fights about this. I spoke up for myself and it didn’t work. Thanks for making me feel worse!

Yikes.

How long are they staying?

You need to stay in your room and do nothing. Seriously. Hold the baby asking as you want. The newborn phase is all about mom and baby. Also, what about YOUR mom? Your DH sounds like an a$$ for insisting you host his family postpartum.

They are staying in a hotel nearby for 2 weeks (not our apartment, which is too small to host them). But I’m guessing they will come over during the day to see baby.

It's not all about YOU. There is a new life and new member of the family - that is exciting and worth celebrating. If you feel like you're going to need help, then line up help but there's no reason to be upset that your in-laws want to meet their grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are coming for the birth and this is my concern- I feel like they are here for the baby and not for me. I want people to help ME, not to just want to hold the baby and coo over him. MIL is not the type that will cook or clean for me. I feel so resentful that they are coming.

Tell them not to then. You're a big girl. Prioritize yourself if no one else will do it. If you're not going to speak up though, then STFU about it and stop complaining.

DH will not hear of them not coming. We have had fights about this. I spoke up for myself and it didn’t work. Thanks for making me feel worse!

Yikes.

How long are they staying?

You need to stay in your room and do nothing. Seriously. Hold the baby asking as you want. The newborn phase is all about mom and baby. Also, what about YOUR mom? Your DH sounds like an a$$ for insisting you host his family postpartum.

They are staying in a hotel nearby for 2 weeks (not our apartment, which is too small to host them). But I’m guessing they will come over during the day to see baby.

It's not all about YOU. There is a new life and new member of the family - that is exciting and worth celebrating. If you feel like you're going to need help, then line up help but there's no reason to be upset that your in-laws want to meet their grandchild.

In-laws or anyone other than the parents don’t need to be there from the exact moment of birth. It’s all about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:welcome to being a mother, where it is not all about you

Exactly. It sucks, but get used to it. People don't understand, you just have to accept it.