Family keeps asking me how the baby is doing not how I am doing

[Anonymous]

Hormonal and really sensitive right now but if my family asks me one more time how the baby is doing and never following up with how I am doing I am going to lose my mind. I am not an incubator

[Anonymous]

Stop taking calls for a few days.

[Anonymous]

My in laws are coming for the birth and this is my concern- I feel like they are here for the baby and not for me. I want people to help ME, not to just want to hold the baby and coo over him. MIL is not the type that will cook or clean for me. I feel so resentful that they are coming.

[Anonymous]

welcome to being a mother, where it is not all about you

[Anonymous]

It never ceases to amaze me how selfish people can be, I've noticed some of my family forget I am a person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:welcome to being a mother, where it is not all about you

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:welcome to being a mother, where it is not all about you

yes you're an incubator whose sole purpose is to breed life, forget having feelings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:welcome to being a mother, where it is not all about you

hello. must be your first. it will never be about you, again.

[Anonymous]

Get used to it. It is all about the baby. This line of questions and concerns are going to continue after the baby is born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are coming for the birth and this is my concern- I feel like they are here for the baby and not for me. I want people to help ME, not to just want to hold the baby and coo over him. MIL is not the type that will cook or clean for me. I feel so resentful that they are coming.

Put a chores list on the fridge with a nice note. And take your time coming out of your room with the baby to give them ample time to 'help'. My inlaws were like this. They'd want to hold the baby all day, and she loved to cook, so she made all the fried, oily food that she wanted to ( that I the new mom couldn't even eat ) and left the dirty dishes for others. Ugh! This time I will have better boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Op, how ARE you doing? Do you think you might have PPD? Sending hugs. It’s a hard time right now.

[Anonymous]

Hey, OP. That sucks and I remember that feeling well. Ignore all the posters being rude -- they are just bitter because they have internalized the societal attitude that mothers don't matter.

Anyway: how are you? Postnatal hormones are a beast. Do something nice for yourself today, make sure you are hydrated, and remember you just did an amazing thing by creating a whole human person with your body. Your family is being dumb, but you just gave them an amazing gift, and every time they delight in the baby or celebrate the baby, remember: you did that.

Also, if you have received any gift cards as baby gifts, spend them on yourself. I'm not kidding. If there is something you absolutely need for the baby and can't afford, get that. But otherwise, buy yourself some nice pajamas, some perfume, a cozy blanket for late night feeding sessions this winter -- whatever will feel indulgent and good for you. What your baby needs more than anything right now is a mom who is taken care of. I'm sorry your family doesn't get that -- mine didn't either. But you do. Take care of you!

[Anonymous]

OP, find ways to prioritize your needs. As a mother, the default is the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:welcome to being a mother, where it is not all about you

hello. must be your first. it will never be about you, again.

I'm truly sorry no one cares about you. The fact that the baby comes first should never translate into the mother doesn't matter, and martyrdom on this point is not admirable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are coming for the birth and this is my concern- I feel like they are here for the baby and not for me. I want people to help ME, not to just want to hold the baby and coo over him. MIL is not the type that will cook or clean for me. I feel so resentful that they are coming.

Put a stop to this NOW. Delay the visit.

If you’re feeling hesitant now, you’re going to be livid and depressed when you have an actual newborn and your MIL says “I can hold the baby while you clean up. BTW FIL requests steak for dinner.”