How not to get a divorce because of dishes

[Anonymous]

Every day I promise myself I won't raise my son (or daughters!) to treat their spouses like this. I will not raise lazy children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

You really trivialize your broken family this way? By telling people you put your children through that trauma because he wouldn't put the dishes in the dishwasher?


Do you think this is funny or something? Do you understand how people judge you when you put it that way?

Response from the article, that you did not read, and do not understand:

[b]Of course, it wasn’t about the glass. “It felt to her like I just said, ‘[b]Not taking four seconds to put my glass in the dishwasher is more important to me than you are,’” he recalled.[/b]

I don't think PP gives a damn if you judge her. That says more about you than it does about her or the ending of the marriage.

Of course I judge her. She sounds like a henpecker of a wife who was unable to choose hills to die on, so she internalized laziness. She blew up her kids' life because of that. Projecting her own failings on her husband in such a flippant way demonstrates lack of internal perspective and the notion that such a sarcastic response is somehow apropos is further evidence of that. Typical shrew behavior.

Of course I judge her. She sounds like an empowered wife who was unwilling to do the work that a grown man could do himself, so she asked him to do his own work. He blew up his kids' life because he was unwilling to clean up after himself. Insisting on her equality to her husband in such a firm way demonstrates her commitment to her own equality and to raising her kids in gender equality and the notion that such a firm response is somehow apropos is further evidence of that. Typical empowered female behavior.


FTFY

PP, I am raising my daughter to be equal to my son. I am raising my son to be equal to my daughter. I am raising both of them to take care of themselves independently and to be able to take care of a family independently. I am raising them to become equal partners in a future domestic relationship; neither should grow up to be the slave to another human.

My time is as valuable as my husband's. It is not my job to clean up after him (even if you think it is easy or quick or nice for me to do so.) All the time that my husband expected me to do his share of cleaning, planning, child raising, grocery shopping, etc. Is time that I could have spent on my own personal and career development and building relationships with others. I don't mind doing 50%; I expect that. I will not do more than 50%. That extra time that my husband expected me to spend on him is simply a theft of time and a hindrance to my ability to accumulate all kinds of capital (physical, financial, social, etc.). I also will not abide by rules that do not also apply to my husband. If one parent goes out with buddies for an evening, the other parent has a right to equal personal time.

I divorced my husband because he believed that different rules and responsibilities applied to him than applied to me. I did not marry to become a servant to another grown adult, and I sure as hell wasn't going to model that kind of servant relationship for my kids. Better that they grow up in a divorced home but grow into thoughtful independent adults, than model my exDH's behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

You really trivialize your broken family this way? By telling people you put your children through that trauma because he wouldn't put the dishes in the dishwasher?


Do you think this is funny or something? Do you understand how people judge you when you put it that way?

Why didn’t her DH care enough about his kids to more the lawn and help keep the house clean? Why did he force their mom to spend less time with the kids?

NP here. Your comment shows your absolute ignorance to what this poster has described. It's about feeling respected, valued and loved. She posts that she was doing most of the work and he would complain about her efforts. Do you think that fosters feelings of being respected and valued? I'd say she and her child(ren) are better off alone because they didn't have a husband/father in any sense of the word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

I have the opposite problem: I'm apparently married to the only woman in the world who never puts things in the dishwasher -- and she's modeling that behavior for our kids. Often, the sink is out of commission because it is occupied by some large tupperware or bowl.

Mentioning this is "nagging", but it never changes. Drives me crazy because it is 1) lazy, and 2) short sighted (kicking the can creates more work later), and 3) knowingly irritating to DH.

Are you married to my DW? Mine usually piles up dishes in the sink and not to mention her dirty clothes ends up stacking in mounds and when she does get around to doing laundry, it sits for days upon days of not folding. So, guess who launders, folds and puts away her clothes? this guy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

You really trivialize your broken family this way? By telling people you put your children through that trauma because he wouldn't put the dishes in the dishwasher?


Do you think this is funny or something? Do you understand how people judge you when you put it that way?

Response from the article, that you did not read, and do not understand:

[b]Of course, it wasn’t about the glass. “It felt to her like I just said, ‘[b]Not taking four seconds to put my glass in the dishwasher is more important to me than you are,’” he recalled.[/b]

I don't think PP gives a damn if you judge her. That says more about you than it does about her or the ending of the marriage.

Of course I judge her. She sounds like a henpecker of a wife who was unable to choose hills to die on, so she internalized laziness. She blew up her kids' life because of that. Projecting her own failings on her husband in such a flippant way demonstrates lack of internal perspective and the notion that such a sarcastic response is somehow apropos is further evidence of that. Typical shrew behavior.

Of course I judge her. She sounds like an empowered wife who was unwilling to do the work that a grown man could do himself, so she asked him to do his own work. He blew up his kids' life because he was unwilling to clean up after himself. Insisting on her equality to her husband in such a firm way demonstrates her commitment to her own equality and to raising her kids in gender equality and the notion that such a firm response is somehow apropos is further evidence of that. Typical empowered female behavior.


FTFY

PP, I am raising my daughter to be equal to my son. I am raising my son to be equal to my daughter. I am raising both of them to take care of themselves independently and to be able to take care of a family independently. I am raising them to become equal partners in a future domestic relationship; neither should grow up to be the slave to another human.

My time is as valuable as my husband's. It is not my job to clean up after him (even if you think it is easy or quick or nice for me to do so.) All the time that my husband expected me to do his share of cleaning, planning, child raising, grocery shopping, etc. Is time that I could have spent on my own personal and career development and building relationships with others. I don't mind doing 50%; I expect that. I will not do more than 50%. That extra time that my husband expected me to spend on him is simply a theft of time and a hindrance to my ability to accumulate all kinds of capital (physical, financial, social, etc.). I also will not abide by rules that do not also apply to my husband. If one parent goes out with buddies for an evening, the other parent has a right to equal personal time.

I divorced my husband because he believed that different rules and responsibilities applied to him than applied to me. I did not marry to become a servant to another grown adult, and I sure as hell wasn't going to model that kind of servant relationship for my kids. Better that they grow up in a divorced home but grow into thoughtful independent adults, than model my exDH's behavior.

Love this. Every bit of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just read the article and the article is aimed at husbands who are lazy man childs who are used to being picked up after by their moms and their enabling wives. In an “equal partnership” this obviously always leads to issues – resentment, etc. What was cute and endearing early on, often leads to years of being unchecked because it’s no big deal and it’s easy to just deal with it but when kids come, the ball game changes but by then, habits are entrenched and inability to deal with it effectively is tough to change. So women, don’t marry lazy guys.

The thing is that DH is NOT lazy. He does amazing things at work, and he would never pull this stuff there. At work, he is kind, trustworthy, and reliable. He goes out of his way to make sure that things are done correctly and on time and make sure that everyone is in on the plan. I know it. I work for the same company and know many of his colleagues. We met working together.


It's the dichotomy between the man that I know that he is and the man that he chooses to be around me that is the problem. If I had chosen a lazy man-child, then that's on me. But I chose this wonderful, industrious, hard-working guy, and for whatever reason, he just isn't that guy at home. He doesn't apply problem solving skills to child rearing or chores. He just pushes it all on me and gets angry when I push back. So my options are to "disturb the marital peace" or to just do everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just read the article and the article is aimed at husbands who are lazy man childs who are used to being picked up after by their moms and their enabling wives. In an “equal partnership” this obviously always leads to issues – resentment, etc. What was cute and endearing early on, often leads to years of being unchecked because it’s no big deal and it’s easy to just deal with it but when kids come, the ball game changes but by then, habits are entrenched and inability to deal with it effectively is tough to change. So women, don’t marry lazy guys.

The thing is that DH is NOT lazy. He does amazing things at work, and he would never pull this stuff there. At work, he is kind, trustworthy, and reliable. He goes out of his way to make sure that things are done correctly and on time and make sure that everyone is in on the plan. I know it. I work for the same company and know many of his colleagues. We met working together.


It's the dichotomy between the man that I know that he is and the man that he chooses to be around me that is the problem. If I had chosen a lazy man-child, then that's on me. But I chose this wonderful, industrious, hard-working guy, and for whatever reason, he just isn't that guy at home. He doesn't apply problem solving skills to child rearing or chores. He just pushes it all on me and gets angry when I push back. So my options are to "disturb the marital peace" or to just do everything.

Or, sadly, the third option. Suck it up, but even after marital counselling, resent him like hell and have affairs. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just read the article and the article is aimed at husbands who are lazy man childs who are used to being picked up after by their moms and their enabling wives. In an “equal partnership” this obviously always leads to issues – resentment, etc. What was cute and endearing early on, often leads to years of being unchecked because it’s no big deal and it’s easy to just deal with it but when kids come, the ball game changes but by then, habits are entrenched and inability to deal with it effectively is tough to change. So women, don’t marry lazy guys.

The thing is that DH is NOT lazy. He does amazing things at work, and he would never pull this stuff there. At work, he is kind, trustworthy, and reliable. He goes out of his way to make sure that things are done correctly and on time and make sure that everyone is in on the plan. I know it. I work for the same company and know many of his colleagues. We met working together.


It's the dichotomy between the man that I know that he is and the man that he chooses to be around me that is the problem. If I had chosen a lazy man-child, then that's on me. But I chose this wonderful, industrious, hard-working guy, and for whatever reason, he just isn't that guy at home. He doesn't apply problem solving skills to child rearing or chores. He just pushes it all on me and gets angry when I push back. So my options are to "disturb the marital peace" or to just do everything.

Or, sadly, the third option. Suck it up, but even after marital counselling, resent him like hell and have affairs. Seriously.

Pp here. I can see that. I hope that isn’t where we are headed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a man, and in the last 15 years of the marriage my wife didn't do dishes once. Not one single time. She didn't do any other housework either. I decided if I was going to be in a relationship, it would be with someone who wasn't lazy or entitled.

Now I am divorced, living in a clean house, and dating a thoughtful, industrious, attractive younger woman.

Same here. My wife always said if it (undone chore) bothered me so much, I should do it myself. So I did. It bothered me so much, I moved out by myself. Lazy sack

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

You really trivialize your broken family this way? By telling people you put your children through that trauma because he wouldn't put the dishes in the dishwasher?


Do you think this is funny or something? Do you understand how people judge you when you put it that way?

Response from the article, that you did not read, and do not understand:

[b]Of course, it wasn’t about the glass. “It felt to her like I just said, ‘[b]Not taking four seconds to put my glass in the dishwasher is more important to me than you are,’” he recalled.[/b]

I don't think PP gives a damn if you judge her. That says more about you than it does about her or the ending of the marriage.

Of course I judge her. She sounds like a henpecker of a wife who was unable to choose hills to die on, so she internalized laziness. She blew up her kids' life because of that. Projecting her own failings on her husband in such a flippant way demonstrates lack of internal perspective and the notion that such a sarcastic response is somehow apropos is further evidence of that. Typical shrew behavior.

Of course I judge her. She sounds like an empowered wife who was unwilling to do the work that a grown man could do himself, so she asked him to do his own work. He blew up his kids' life because he was unwilling to clean up after himself. Insisting on her equality to her husband in such a firm way demonstrates her commitment to her own equality and to raising her kids in gender equality and the notion that such a firm response is somehow apropos is further evidence of that. Typical empowered female behavior.


FTFY

PP, I am raising my daughter to be equal to my son. I am raising my son to be equal to my daughter. I am raising both of them to take care of themselves independently and to be able to take care of a family independently. I am raising them to become equal partners in a future domestic relationship; neither should grow up to be the slave to another human.

My time is as valuable as my husband's. It is not my job to clean up after him (even if you think it is easy or quick or nice for me to do so.) All the time that my husband expected me to do his share of cleaning, planning, child raising, grocery shopping, etc. Is time that I could have spent on my own personal and career development and building relationships with others. I don't mind doing 50%; I expect that. I will not do more than 50%. That extra time that my husband expected me to spend on him is simply a theft of time and a hindrance to my ability to accumulate all kinds of capital (physical, financial, social, etc.). I also will not abide by rules that do not also apply to my husband. If one parent goes out with buddies for an evening, the other parent has a right to equal personal time.

I divorced my husband because he believed that different rules and responsibilities applied to him than applied to me. I did not marry to become a servant to another grown adult, and I sure as hell wasn't going to model that kind of servant relationship for my kids. Better that they grow up in a divorced home but grow into thoughtful independent adults, than model my exDH's behavior.

Sometimes marriage is 70/30 or 30/70. It's never 50/50. It's obvious why you're divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

I think a lot of wives feel this way. If feasible, hiring yard maintenance and housekeepers would be worth your time, energy, sanity and relationship. But resent and lack of respect/equality does not work. Glad you made the move to be happier. Out of curiosity, How is exDH nowadays?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

You really trivialize your broken family this way? By telling people you put your children through that trauma because he wouldn't put the dishes in the dishwasher?


Do you think this is funny or something? Do you understand how people judge you when you put it that way?

Response from the article, that you did not read, and do not understand:

Of course, it wasn’t about the glass. “It felt to her like I just said, ‘[b]Not taking four seconds to put my glass in the dishwasher is more important to me than you are,’” he recalled.[/b]

I don't think PP gives a damn if you judge her. That says more about you than it does about her or the ending of the marriage.

Of course I judge her. She sounds like a henpecker of a wife who was unable to choose hills to die on, so she internalized laziness. She blew up her kids' life because of that. Projecting her own failings on her husband in such a flippant way demonstrates lack of internal perspective and the notion that such a sarcastic response is somehow apropos is further evidence of that. Typical shrew behavior.

I’m sorry for your spouse (and children). Respect & consideration goes a long way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

You really trivialize your broken family this way? By telling people you put your children through that trauma because he wouldn't put the dishes in the dishwasher?


Do you think this is funny or something? Do you understand how people judge you when you put it that way?

Response from the article, that you did not read, and do not understand:

Of course, it wasn’t about the glass. “It felt to her like I just said, ‘[b]Not taking four seconds to put my glass in the dishwasher is more important to me than you are,’” he recalled.[/b]

I don't think PP gives a damn if you judge her. That says more about you than it does about her or the ending of the marriage.

Of course I judge her. She sounds like a henpecker of a wife who was unable to choose hills to die on, so she internalized laziness. She blew up her kids' life because of that. Projecting her own failings on her husband in such a flippant way demonstrates lack of internal perspective and the notion that such a sarcastic response is somehow apropos is further evidence of that. Typical shrew behavior.

NP. Do us all a favor and STFU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

You really trivialize your broken family this way? By telling people you put your children through that trauma because he wouldn't put the dishes in the dishwasher?


Do you think this is funny or something? Do you understand how people judge you when you put it that way?

Response from the article, that you did not read, and do not understand:

Of course, it wasn’t about the glass. “It felt to her like I just said, ‘[b]Not taking four seconds to put my glass in the dishwasher is more important to me than you are,’” he recalled.[/b]

I don't think PP gives a damn if you judge her. That says more about you than it does about her or the ending of the marriage.

Of course I judge her. She sounds like a henpecker of a wife who was unable to choose hills to die on, so she internalized laziness. She blew up her kids' life because of that. Projecting her own failings on her husband in such a flippant way demonstrates lack of internal perspective and the notion that such a sarcastic response is somehow apropos is further evidence of that. Typical shrew behavior.

The incel playbook is so passé. Time to find a new shtick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

You really trivialize your broken family this way? By telling people you put your children through that trauma because he wouldn't put the dishes in the dishwasher?


Do you think this is funny or something? Do you understand how people judge you when you put it that way?

Response from the article, that you did not read, and do not understand:

[b]Of course, it wasn’t about the glass. “It felt to her like I just said, ‘[b]Not taking four seconds to put my glass in the dishwasher is more important to me than you are,’” he recalled.[/b]

I don't think PP gives a damn if you judge her. That says more about you than it does about her or the ending of the marriage.

Of course I judge her. She sounds like a henpecker of a wife who was unable to choose hills to die on, so she internalized laziness. She blew up her kids' life because of that. Projecting her own failings on her husband in such a flippant way demonstrates lack of internal perspective and the notion that such a sarcastic response is somehow apropos is further evidence of that. Typical shrew behavior.

Of course I judge her. She sounds like an empowered wife who was unwilling to do the work that a grown man could do himself, so she asked him to do his own work. He blew up his kids' life because he was unwilling to clean up after himself. Insisting on her equality to her husband in such a firm way demonstrates her commitment to her own equality and to raising her kids in gender equality and the notion that such a firm response is somehow apropos is further evidence of that. Typical empowered female behavior.


FTFY

PP, I am raising my daughter to be equal to my son. I am raising my son to be equal to my daughter. I am raising both of them to take care of themselves independently and to be able to take care of a family independently. I am raising them to become equal partners in a future domestic relationship; neither should grow up to be the slave to another human.

My time is as valuable as my husband's. It is not my job to clean up after him (even if you think it is easy or quick or nice for me to do so.) All the time that my husband expected me to do his share of cleaning, planning, child raising, grocery shopping, etc. Is time that I could have spent on my own personal and career development and building relationships with others. I don't mind doing 50%; I expect that. I will not do more than 50%. That extra time that my husband expected me to spend on him is simply a theft of time and a hindrance to my ability to accumulate all kinds of capital (physical, financial, social, etc.). I also will not abide by rules that do not also apply to my husband. If one parent goes out with buddies for an evening, the other parent has a right to equal personal time.

I divorced my husband because he believed that different rules and responsibilities applied to him than applied to me. I did not marry to become a servant to another grown adult, and I sure as hell wasn't going to model that kind of servant relationship for my kids. Better that they grow up in a divorced home but grow into thoughtful independent adults, than model my exDH's behavior.

Sometimes marriage is 70/30 or 30/70. It's never 50/50. It's obvious why you're divorced.

So many lazy husbands. That's why you die shortly after women leave you.