How not to get a divorce because of dishes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

You really trivialize your broken family this way? By telling people you put your children through that trauma because he wouldn't put the dishes in the dishwasher?


Do you think this is funny or something? Do you understand how people judge you when you put it that way?

Response from the article, that you did not read, and do not understand:

Of course, it wasn’t about the glass. “It felt to her like I just said, ‘[b]Not taking four seconds to put my glass in the dishwasher is more important to me than you are,’” he recalled.[/b]

I don't think PP gives a damn if you judge her. That says more about you than it does about her or the ending of the marriage.

Of course I judge her. She sounds like a henpecker of a wife who was unable to choose hills to die on, so she internalized laziness. She blew up her kids' life because of that. Projecting her own failings on her husband in such a flippant way demonstrates lack of internal perspective and the notion that such a sarcastic response is somehow apropos is further evidence of that. Typical shrew behavior.

Yeah, what a shrew. How dare she not just shut her mouth and take it. Help around the house and with the kids - I mean, what a ridiculous thing to expect, what a silly hill to die on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

I couldn't agree more. My husband thought because I could do it, and it would take longer for him, that I should do it all. When I let things drop, they simply didn't get done or he paid for help (cleaning, mowing, takeout food instead of cooking). Cheaper, cleaner and much more fulfilling not having him actively get in my way. And according to the kids, it wasn't an act. He lives in total squalor now and the kids will not stay overnight with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

You really trivialize your broken family this way? By telling people you put your children through that trauma because he wouldn't put the dishes in the dishwasher?


Do you think this is funny or something? Do you understand how people judge you when you put it that way?

Response from the article, that you did not read, and do not understand:

Of course, it wasn’t about the glass. “It felt to her like I just said, ‘[b]Not taking four seconds to put my glass in the dishwasher is more important to me than you are,’” he recalled.[/b]

I don't think PP gives a damn if you judge her. That says more about you than it does about her or the ending of the marriage.

Of course I judge her. She sounds like a henpecker of a wife who was unable to choose hills to die on, so she internalized laziness. She blew up her kids' life because of that. Projecting her own failings on her husband in such a flippant way demonstrates lack of internal perspective and the notion that such a sarcastic response is somehow apropos is further evidence of that. Typical shrew behavior.

Yeah, what a shrew. How dare she not just shut her mouth and take it. Help around the house and with the kids - I mean, what a ridiculous thing to expect, what a silly hill to die on.

Not only that, but it is nobody else's business why she divorced. If she wants to say it is b/c her husband peed standing up it is her right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

You really trivialize your broken family this way? By telling people you put your children through that trauma because he wouldn't put the dishes in the dishwasher?


Do you think this is funny or something? Do you understand how people judge you when you put it that way?

Let me guess. You SAH or work a part time job for pin money, plus your husband has hired help for you. Or you are a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

You really trivialize your broken family this way? By telling people you put your children through that trauma because he wouldn't put the dishes in the dishwasher?


Do you think this is funny or something? Do you understand how people judge you when you put it that way?

NP here. Your comment shows your absolute ignorance to what this poster has described. It's about feeling respected, valued and loved. She posts that she was doing most of the work and he would complain about her efforts. Do you think that fosters feelings of being respected and valued? I'd say she and her child(ren) are better off alone because they didn't have a husband/father in any sense of the word.

At one point in my life I was home with 3 kids under the age of 4 and my husband would frequently come home at the end of the day, having stopped at the grocery store to pick up a snack for himself. He would come home with a bag of potato chips that he planned on eating that evening as he watched TV on the couch. What bothered me wasn't the potato chips but the fact that he could stop at the store and think "Gee, what would I like for a snack this evening" without even thinking that there were four additional members of his family at home who might also want or need something from the grocery store. IT was the quintessential example of someone having the privilege of continuing to behave like a single person while I had been physically attached to each of my three toddlers for most of the last four years. Were we out of milk at home? WHo knew? Who cared? If we needed milk, I could damn well put three kids in snowsuits and carsuits and haul them all into the grocery store. His grocery store trips were for himself and his potato chips. The blogger man's column resonated with me because there are a lot of guys out there who just don't get it. If my life isn't completely my own anymore, that ought to be equally true for the dads. Funny enough, I mentioned to my husband that if he was going to stop at the store every day after week, I'd really apprecaiate him calling me and asking if we were out of milk or if there was anything else we needed. We've now been married over 20 years and he still calls every day to ask if we need milk. It's the little things, because they kind of are the big things.

My husband was like this and like you, I communicated. And like your husband, he heard me and changed this crappy behavior. But if he hadn’t, I would have divorced him. That kind of selfishness merits it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

You really trivialize your broken family this way? By telling people you put your children through that trauma because he wouldn't put the dishes in the dishwasher?


Do you think this is funny or something? Do you understand how people judge you when you put it that way?

Response from the article, that you did not read, and do not understand:

Of course, it wasn’t about the glass. “It felt to her like I just said, ‘[b]Not taking four seconds to put my glass in the dishwasher is more important to me than you are,’” he recalled.[/b]

I don't think PP gives a damn if you judge her. That says more about you than it does about her or the ending of the marriage.

Of course I judge her. She sounds like a henpecker of a wife who was unable to choose hills to die on, so she internalized laziness. She blew up her kids' life because of that. Projecting her own failings on her husband in such a flippant way demonstrates lack of internal perspective and the notion that such a sarcastic response is somehow apropos is further evidence of that. Typical shrew behavior.

Oh you are definitely a red pill guy. Should she just have stopped working outside the home so she would mind less that he didn't do anything at home? STFU

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

You really trivialize your broken family this way? By telling people you put your children through that trauma because he wouldn't put the dishes in the dishwasher?


Do you think this is funny or something? Do you understand how people judge you when you put it that way?

Let me guess. You SAH or work a part time job for pin money, plus your husband has hired help for you. Or you are a man.

Or she's a doormat whose spouse doesn't help her and she just takes it... and is outraged that someone else divorced instead of being a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

You really trivialize your broken family this way? By telling people you put your children through that trauma because he wouldn't put the dishes in the dishwasher?


Do you think this is funny or something? Do you understand how people judge you when you put it that way?

NP here. Your comment shows your absolute ignorance to what this poster has described. It's about feeling respected, valued and loved. She posts that she was doing most of the work and he would complain about her efforts. Do you think that fosters feelings of being respected and valued? I'd say she and her child(ren) are better off alone because they didn't have a husband/father in any sense of the word.

There have been times where my DH traveled for work and I found my life getting infinitely easier. There was less work because I was cleaning up after one less person, doing less laundry, cooking less food, etc. It all added up to more leisure time at the end of the day and a more pleasant week. These moments can be a wake up call that your partner needs to step up and be an adult. It leads to divorce when the slacker spouse doubles on entitlement and gaslighting insisting that they “help” plenty.

[Anonymous]

I'm a man, and in the last 15 years of the marriage my wife didn't do dishes once. Not one single time. She didn't do any other housework either. I decided if I was going to be in a relationship, it would be with someone who wasn't lazy or entitled.

Now I am divorced, living in a clean house, and dating a thoughtful, industrious, attractive younger woman.

[Anonymous]

Just read the article and the article is aimed at husbands who are lazy man childs who are used to being picked up after by their moms and their enabling wives. In an “equal partnership” this obviously always leads to issues – resentment, etc. What was cute and endearing early on, often leads to years of being unchecked because it’s no big deal and it’s easy to just deal with it but when kids come, the ball game changes but by then, habits are entrenched and inability to deal with it effectively is tough to change. So women, don’t marry lazy guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

You really trivialize your broken family this way? By telling people you put your children through that trauma because he wouldn't put the dishes in the dishwasher?


Do you think this is funny or something? Do you understand how people judge you when you put it that way?

Response from the article, that you did not read, and do not understand:

Of course, it wasn’t about the glass. “It felt to her like I just said, ‘[b]Not taking four seconds to put my glass in the dishwasher is more important to me than you are,’” he recalled.[/b]

I don't think PP gives a damn if you judge her. That says more about you than it does about her or the ending of the marriage.

Of course I judge her. She sounds like a henpecker of a wife who was unable to choose hills to die on, so she internalized laziness. She blew up her kids' life because of that. Projecting her own failings on her husband in such a flippant way demonstrates lack of internal perspective and the notion that such a sarcastic response is somehow apropos is further evidence of that. Typical shrew behavior.

Guys, we should definitely listen to this dude. He uses big words so he must be smart. Probably divorced and alone, but smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

You really trivialize your broken family this way? By telling people you put your children through that trauma because he wouldn't put the dishes in the dishwasher?


Do you think this is funny or something? Do you understand how people judge you when you put it that way?

NP here. Your comment shows your absolute ignorance to what this poster has described. It's about feeling respected, valued and loved. She posts that she was doing most of the work and he would complain about her efforts. Do you think that fosters feelings of being respected and valued? I'd say she and her child(ren) are better off alone because they didn't have a husband/father in any sense of the word.

+1

I bet the "trivialize your broken family" either is a wife with a shitty husband trying to rationalize that it's not that bad, or is a shitty husband himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

I have the opposite problem: I'm apparently married to the only woman in the world who never puts things in the dishwasher -- and she's modeling that behavior for our kids. Often, the sink is out of commission because it is occupied by some large tupperware or bowl.

Mentioning this is "nagging", but it never changes. Drives me crazy because it is 1) lazy, and 2) short sighted (kicking the can creates more work later), and 3) knowingly irritating to DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a man, and in the last 15 years of the marriage my wife didn't do dishes once. Not one single time. She didn't do any other housework either. I decided if I was going to be in a relationship, it would be with someone who wasn't lazy or entitled.

Now I am divorced, living in a clean house, and dating a thoughtful, industrious, attractive younger woman.

+10. Of all the women I dated, only the one I married turned out to be utterly lazy and entitled.... but I bend over and take it to keep the home together for our k-12 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so true! I’ve always told people my divorce was due to my XH never putting his dishes in the dishwasher. It was the last straw. We both worked full time out of the house and all kid and house duties were left to me. It didn’t start that way, he was a great partner and put forth an effort early in our marriage. Once the kids came I just became the default everything. He would sit on the couch on his computer while I’d be cleaning or mowing the lawn (no kidding). He complained about how I did his laundry. It finally dawned on me that he didn’t value me or my time, and the extra fee seconds it would have taken him to load the dishes were more important to him than my time. I slowly lost respect for him and started to resent him. Of course I didn’t realize any of this until after we split and I had some time to reflect. Honestly it got to the point where he didn’t add any value to the relationship. And my workload with the house actually became less when he moved out because I had one less person to take care of.

You really trivialize your broken family this way? By telling people you put your children through that trauma because he wouldn't put the dishes in the dishwasher?


Do you think this is funny or something? Do you understand how people judge you when you put it that way?

Let me guess. You SAH or work a part time job for pin money, plus your husband has hired help for you. Or you are a man.

Or she's a doormat whose spouse doesn't help her and she just takes it... and is outraged that someone else divorced instead of being a doormat.

People take it because they put their children's interests ahead of their own. Try it sometime.