Is it unethical/immoral/unChristian to leave my relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are protestant (and already previously divorced it sounds like), I have no idea why you are letting religion be a hangup. It's an excuse.

Look, you got conned by a grifter. It's plain as day. Divorce. Move on. She doesn't love you. She loves being provided for. She will find someone right after you to take her on, and take care of her kids. She will be fine. Worry about you.

I have seriously thought about this. But at this point she puts in more than I do in terms of effort (seriously) and I can tell she "misses" me (I'm major league depressive ATM). I also have no idea how she'd care for herself because she has nothing except a token CS payment, no savings, no assets, etc.

[Anonymous]

What is your total debt? What is her total debt? What is your income? Also how long have you been married and what are your ages? Trying to get a better picture of the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is your total debt? What is her total debt? What is your income? Also how long have you been married and what are your ages? Trying to get a better picture of the situation.

My total debt? Let's throw the mortgage out because I'm trying to get rid of the house (great timing). Of course that might default too.

Between consumer debt (credit, cars, etc) and student loans I'd guesstimate $170K. Taxes/penalties/interest are almost 2.5-3x this figure if someone was to stop the clock today. Income in the mid 200s.

Her debt, no sure. Under $20k of consumer in addition to student loans she's taken on. Not sure of those amounts.

We are both mid 40s. Together less than five years.

Overall I'm effed.

[Anonymous]

You are done. Who cares if she "puts in more effort"? You are drowning and she is sinking you. This is your depression talking. Move out, move on. Less than 5 years? Come on, man.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like financial abuse to me. Right now you are supporting her adult children, which means you are financially supporting (and educating) two adults who are not even related to you. She is not working, the adult kids are likely not working, you are forced to shoulder the financial burden all alone as a disabled person, and she is not even allowing you see the bills? If this is accurate, it's okay to get divorced with a clear conscience. Being a Christian doesn't mean you must sacrifice your own financial health for the well-being of others or let yourself be exploited. I doubt you would have to pay alimony at all given your short marriage, and she would be taking at least some of the debt with her. After the divorce, you need a game plan for getting your mental health and finances in order. Together you are probably doing more damage and you are enabling her; you are both better off alone.

[Anonymous]

Also she’s an incredible hoarder. I mean I’m sentimental and keep some random stuff but we have MOUNTAINS of things we will never use. We keep everything because “someday” we might need it or she might want to return to it. Furniture, fabric, supplies, crafts from years and years ago, old toys, mountains of clothes, etc. House is a cluttered mess and I’m numb to it.

I wish I could afford a therapist.

[Anonymous]

She needs to get a job.

You guys need Financial Peace. It's never too late for Dave Ramsey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to get a job.

You guys need Financial Peace. It's never too late for Dave Ramsey.

No jobs to be had now. And in any event she doesn’t have a degree or any valuable skills to speak of :/

I’m going to lose my pay, maybe my job, and then I’m immediately screwed because I have no savings. And the decision will be do I leave - and burden my elderly parents and leave everyone homeless - or go down with the ship.

I am a total failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to get a job.

You guys need Financial Peace. It's never too late for Dave Ramsey.

No jobs to be had now. And in any event she doesn’t have a degree or any valuable skills to speak of :/

I’m going to lose my pay, maybe my job, and then I’m immediately screwed because I have no savings. And the decision will be do I leave - and burden my elderly parents and leave everyone homeless - or go down with the ship.

I am a total failure.

You don’t seem to want help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your total debt? What is her total debt? What is your income? Also how long have you been married and what are your ages? Trying to get a better picture of the situation.

My total debt? Let's throw the mortgage out because I'm trying to get rid of the house (great timing). Of course that might default too.

Between consumer debt (credit, cars, etc) and student loans I'd guesstimate $170K. Taxes/penalties/interest are almost 2.5-3x this figure if someone was to stop the clock today. Income in the mid 200s.

Her debt, no sure. Under $20k of consumer in addition to student loans she's taken on. Not sure of those amounts.

We are both mid 40s. Together less than five years.

Overall I'm effed.

You have an income in the mid 200s, in a rural area, and are pleading poverty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your total debt? What is her total debt? What is your income? Also how long have you been married and what are your ages? Trying to get a better picture of the situation.

My total debt? Let's throw the mortgage out because I'm trying to get rid of the house (great timing). Of course that might default too.

Between consumer debt (credit, cars, etc) and student loans I'd guesstimate $170K. Taxes/penalties/interest are almost 2.5-3x this figure if someone was to stop the clock today. Income in the mid 200s.

Her debt, no sure. Under $20k of consumer in addition to student loans she's taken on. Not sure of those amounts.

We are both mid 40s. Together less than five years.

Overall I'm effed.

You have an income in the mid 200s, in a rural area, and are pleading poverty?

Did you see the debt discussion? Apparently not. Combine debt with years of unpaid taxes, current expenses, no savings, ill health, etc. lifestyle was built when I was making 2x what I make now and we did not adjust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to get a job.

You guys need Financial Peace. It's never too late for Dave Ramsey.

No jobs to be had now. And in any event she doesn’t have a degree or any valuable skills to speak of :/

I’m going to lose my pay, maybe my job, and then I’m immediately screwed because I have no savings. And the decision will be do I leave - and burden my elderly parents and leave everyone homeless - or go down with the ship.

I am a total failure.

You don’t seem to want help.

At this point I don’t know what help looks like.

And yes I suffer from chronic depression and anxiety to boot which is slowly killing me and my faculties.

[Anonymous]

She can't even get a fast food or retail job? Working at your local WalMart or drugstore?

[Anonymous]

Why would bankruptcy end your employment? Renegotiate your debt/penalties with the IRS, cancel all credit cards (so wife can’t spend anymore), sell anything you can including the cars you can’t afford, stick to a strict food budget (cash only), cancel cable, gym memberships, everything that is not essential to your job, move to a cheaper house/apt (2 bedroom max) and GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She can't even get a fast food or retail job? Working at your local WalMart or drugstore?

She wants to try her work from home project (not MLM). Think organic living stuff.