Is it unethical/immoral/unChristian to leave my relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to either be willing to do anything to get out of financial ruin or quit complaining about it. File bankruptcy if you are so far gone. Try to get your IRS debt negotiated down. There are lawyers out there that can help with this. Sounds like drugs and alcohol played a major role in where you are today. Also, look for a new line of work. You can reinvent yourself any age. Where there is a will there is a way.

Bankruptcy immediately ends my employment.

Can't really afford a tax lawyer right now, although I will likely regret saying that.

Drugs and alcohol played no role at all. Just bad luck with my health and increasingly poor decision making.

I have spent months trying to reinvent myself but I cannot think of anything as lucrative, and now I live in a remote area and generally work from home. I feel boxed in and effed.

[Anonymous]

What does religion have to do with it? You sound like a nightmare and got what you deserved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, tell us more about the kids involved - are they all hers from prior marriage? How old and why are you supporting them? Where is their father? Do you have kids togehter?

All hers from prior marriage. Only one gets any child support due to their ages. Dad is out of the picture. No kids together. I support them because no one else can/does.

I feel like a heel for even thinking about this because of the impact on the kids...their mother has had repeated relationships fail. Should have been a red flag to me but she convincingly persuaded me each of them were asses in different ways.

So why in the world are you supporting them, or letting them live with you? And a mother convinced you that her own children were "asses"? Are you kidding me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, tell us more about the kids involved - are they all hers from prior marriage? How old and why are you supporting them? Where is their father? Do you have kids togehter?

All hers from prior marriage. Only one gets any child support due to their ages. Dad is out of the picture. No kids together. I support them because no one else can/does.

I feel like a heel for even thinking about this because of the impact on the kids...their mother has had repeated relationships fail. Should have been a red flag to me but she convincingly persuaded me each of them were asses in different ways.

When you say you support her kids who are too old to get child support from their father: Do they live with you and DW? Do they live elsewhere?

Does "support" mean...what, exactly? You pay their rent and car payments etc., or you send them a bit of cash here and there? Or they totally live with and depend on you for food and a roof over their heads?

I'm sorry to hit you with specific questions but the level of that "support" and how much real money it adds up to each month seems pretty vital to consider as the first place to find income that you can reel back in to pay your bills and not the bills of adult children.

I do make an exception if they're college students and you're helping with tuition etc. which would be exceptionally kind of you but might have to be ramped back.

The virus situation being what it is at this moment, I will not breezily say, "They need to get jobs" or "DW needs to get a real job," because there may be no jobs where you/they are, or no jobs they can work that might not result in their bringing home the virus to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to either be willing to do anything to get out of financial ruin or quit complaining about it. File bankruptcy if you are so far gone. Try to get your IRS debt negotiated down. There are lawyers out there that can help with this. Sounds like drugs and alcohol played a major role in where you are today. Also, look for a new line of work. You can reinvent yourself any age. Where there is a will there is a way.

This OP. And you have a serious talk with her that she either straightens up with you, or you're moving on.

And for pete's sake, get those adult kids out of the picture.

[Anonymous]

Wait. The kids are ADULTS?

There are so many problems here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, tell us more about the kids involved - are they all hers from prior marriage? How old and why are you supporting them? Where is their father? Do you have kids togehter?

All hers from prior marriage. Only one gets any child support due to their ages. Dad is out of the picture. No kids together. I support them because no one else can/does.

I feel like a heel for even thinking about this because of the impact on the kids...their mother has had repeated relationships fail. Should have been a red flag to me but she convincingly persuaded me each of them were asses in different ways.

So why in the world are you supporting them, or letting them live with you? And a mother convinced you that her own children were "asses"? Are you kidding me?

Not OP but -- the wife convinced OP that her exes were asses. Not her children.

[Anonymous]

What about talking to your minister/pastor about this? But walk away if they tell you to pray on it and God will provide or some crap like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, tell us more about the kids involved - are they all hers from prior marriage? How old and why are you supporting them? Where is their father? Do you have kids togehter?

All hers from prior marriage. Only one gets any child support due to their ages. Dad is out of the picture. No kids together. I support them because no one else can/does.

I feel like a heel for even thinking about this because of the impact on the kids...their mother has had repeated relationships fail. Should have been a red flag to me but she convincingly persuaded me each of them were asses in different ways.

So why in the world are you supporting them, or letting them live with you? And a mother convinced you that her own children were "asses"? Are you kidding me?

Asses = the men in previous relationships.

The kids are good kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to either be willing to do anything to get out of financial ruin or quit complaining about it. File bankruptcy if you are so far gone. Try to get your IRS debt negotiated down. There are lawyers out there that can help with this. Sounds like drugs and alcohol played a major role in where you are today. Also, look for a new line of work. You can reinvent yourself any age. Where there is a will there is a way.

Bankruptcy immediately ends my employment.

Can't really afford a tax lawyer right now, although I will likely regret saying that.

Drugs and alcohol played no role at all. Just bad luck with my health and increasingly poor decision making.

I have spent months trying to reinvent myself but I cannot think of anything as lucrative, and now I live in a remote area and generally work from home. I feel boxed in and effed.

Are you self-employed/an independent contractor? If not and you work for a company--Does your employer have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program)? If your employer has an HR department or even just one HR person, ask if there is an EAP. If so, contact the EAP. They can possibly connect you with both personal counseling and financial counseling too. Please do not wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, tell us more about the kids involved - are they all hers from prior marriage? How old and why are you supporting them? Where is their father? Do you have kids togehter?

All hers from prior marriage. Only one gets any child support due to their ages. Dad is out of the picture. No kids together. I support them because no one else can/does.

I feel like a heel for even thinking about this because of the impact on the kids...their mother has had repeated relationships fail. Should have been a red flag to me but she convincingly persuaded me each of them were asses in different ways.

So why in the world are you supporting them, or letting them live with you? And a mother convinced you that her own children were "asses"? Are you kidding me?

Asses = the men in previous relationships.

The kids are good kids

Will you please spell out for us exactly how old these kids are, and what level of support you are providing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, tell us more about the kids involved - are they all hers from prior marriage? How old and why are you supporting them? Where is their father? Do you have kids togehter?

All hers from prior marriage. Only one gets any child support due to their ages. Dad is out of the picture. No kids together. I support them because no one else can/does.

I feel like a heel for even thinking about this because of the impact on the kids...their mother has had repeated relationships fail. Should have been a red flag to me but she convincingly persuaded me each of them were asses in different ways.

When you say you support her kids who are too old to get child support from their father: Do they live with you and DW? Do they live elsewhere?

Does "support" mean...what, exactly? You pay their rent and car payments etc., or you send them a bit of cash here and there? Or they totally live with and depend on you for food and a roof over their heads?

I'm sorry to hit you with specific questions but the level of that "support" and how much real money it adds up to each month seems pretty vital to consider as the first place to find income that you can reel back in to pay your bills and not the bills of adult children.

I do make an exception if they're college students and you're helping with tuition etc. which would be exceptionally kind of you but might have to be ramped back.

The virus situation being what it is at this moment, I will not breezily say, "They need to get jobs" or "DW needs to get a real job," because there may be no jobs where you/they are, or no jobs they can work that might not result in their bringing home the virus to you.

High school/college kids. One is staying with BF now and graduates this spring. Middle was in college until this virus stuff hit and is doing classes at home now. Youngest is in HS. No rational way to cut any of that off.

On top of this my wife took out multiple PLUS loans she'll never be able to pay.

The job thing is hard because of where we live (very rural).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to either be willing to do anything to get out of financial ruin or quit complaining about it. File bankruptcy if you are so far gone. Try to get your IRS debt negotiated down. There are lawyers out there that can help with this. Sounds like drugs and alcohol played a major role in where you are today. Also, look for a new line of work. You can reinvent yourself any age. Where there is a will there is a way.

Bankruptcy immediately ends my employment.

Can't really afford a tax lawyer right now, although I will likely regret saying that.

Drugs and alcohol played no role at all. Just bad luck with my health and increasingly poor decision making.

I have spent months trying to reinvent myself but I cannot think of anything as lucrative, and now I live in a remote area and generally work from home. I feel boxed in and effed.

Are you self-employed/an independent contractor? If not and you work for a company--Does your employer have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program)? If your employer has an HR department or even just one HR person, ask if there is an EAP. If so, contact the EAP. They can possibly connect you with both personal counseling and financial counseling too. Please do not wait.

Unfortunately there is no EAP. Small professional services group.

I feel like all of this is hopeless until we get evicted and I throw what I can into a U-Haul and leave.

[Anonymous]

I'd be talking to a bankruptcy attorney and then a divorce attorney, but that's just me. Start over--make better choices in the future.

[Anonymous]

If you are protestant (and already previously divorced it sounds like), I have no idea why you are letting religion be a hangup. It's an excuse.

Look, you got conned by a grifter. It's plain as day. Divorce. Move on. She doesn't love you. She loves being provided for. She will find someone right after you to take her on, and take care of her kids. She will be fine. Worry about you.