If you had to do it all over again would you?

[Anonymous]

Nope. if I could wave a wand and have him just...vanish, I would.

[Anonymous]

Tonight, yes - I would do it all over again.

But ask me again in the morning.

I think of my marriage as a 50 year "project" (I can't think of a word that truly means what I want to say here). There have been months where I wished I had made different choices. But those months are a small percentage of the 600 months that I hope we are together, and are far outweighed by the months where I wouldn't change a single thing.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. She's the best thing about my life. I would wish that I'd met her sooner, but we both had growing up to do. Honestly, I believe every day we get the chance to "do it all over again." I hope we continue to choose one another until we finally grow old and die.

Yes, gag, I know, but it's true.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. I would definitely choose my guy, if I had to do it all over again. But maybe not have kids. I love my kids, but parenting is haaaard. Especially without help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmm. I would definitely choose my guy, if I had to do it all over again. But maybe not have kids. I love my kids, but parenting is haaaard. Especially without help.

I actually thought this thread was going to be about the decision to have kids, although I would say yes either way (although perhaps not as every-day-enthusiastically as some others).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmm. I would definitely choose my guy, if I had to do it all over again. But maybe not have kids. I love my kids, but parenting is haaaard. Especially without help.

Does this suggest that your guy doesn't help? If so, you'd really choose him again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm. I would definitely choose my guy, if I had to do it all over again. But maybe not have kids. I love my kids, but parenting is haaaard. Especially without help.

Does this suggest that your guy doesn't help? If so, you'd really choose him again?

PP of the first quote here. Actually, my guy does an amazing amount. He bathes one kid (when he's in town--he is sometimes away once a week, and then sometimes his trips take 4 days or more). He cleans up the house. (Without my having to ask, because he's more of a neat freak than I am.) What I mean by "without help" is family or close friends or a community, really, to give us a break from the kids more than once in a while. (We do have a sitter, but not an unlimited budget for her services.)

[Anonymous]

HELL NO

[Anonymous]

NO WAY!!!

[Anonymous]

For all of you who have said, No way, Thank you. Now I dont feel so alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I missed all the signs of how crazy his upbringing was, and how poorly equipped he would be to deal with the stress of grown-up life."

Same with my DH. I knew there was dysfunction, but thought that he came out normal enough and that the influence of normal family members, along with therapy he had done, would be enough to model a good marriage. I also thought that as long as we were willing to do therapy that any issue could be fixed. I was wrong - our marriage is such a struggle because he lacked the modeling of parents discussing things, talking about their problems, expressing their emotions, and managing money normally. I'm exhausted dealing with this. Somethings I think that marrying him was the biggest mistake of my life, but I'm still hanging on so I guess that means I'm not sure.

Yes, this is me as well (except for the money part). DH's family of origin is really effed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all of you who have said, No way, Thank you. Now I dont feel so alone.

Another one here. My kids are amazing, so I tell myself that he made them possible.....that's how I get through.

[Anonymous]

No I wouldn't do it over again. I am tired of him making me feel as though I am not good enough. When in reality......

[Anonymous]

YES!!!!

He means the world to me.

[Anonymous]

This is a good post - made me think about things. Today yes - even though he can be a pain in the ass.. I do love him, and I think we are in it for the long haul. However, so help me god, I will do everything in my power to steer my own kids away from a spouse from a totally effed up family. Seriously - with the exception of his wonderful father (RIP), he was from the family from hell - his mother is the most heinous woman I have ever met. I know he fell in love with my family as much as he loved me. Ghosts from his upbringing, are part of who he is and have played a part in every moment I want to forget (not so many these days - but in the early days - OMG - thank god for the clerkship that took him to the other side of the country for 1 year!.) It's been 16 years now, and things are much better now - he's a wonderful father and I think he appreciates me more with each passing year. He's lucky he married a woman with a warm, forgiving heart.