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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
If you had to do it all over again would you?
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Anonymous
| I'm curious. Those who responded a definite no are you still married to that person and if so do you plan to stay in the marriage and why? |
Anonymous
| I would marry DH again. Sure, we've had some bad times but a lot of good times too. I wouldn't have the huge wedding like we did, but a small more romantic wedding at a nice destination w/out all the stress involved w/ a big wedding. |
Anonymous
|
yes, but we're just 2 years in, so ask me again in 5 years....I love my DH very much--he is a smart, loving, loyal, funny man and a good dad. He is fun to be around, interesting, and places our family at the center of his world. We have a wonderful baby together. And we work well as a team most of the time. We share goals and values, and we just like being around each other. But things aren't perfect. He has moderate to serious ADD, which makes for tons of frustration over things like finances, scheduling, cleaning, etc. He does not make much money, but then again neither do it--still, doing it again, i would have had more serious financial discussions ahead of time (not only debt, but how you're servicing it, how much in retirement funds, etc)--since I've spent much of my savings/investment paying off his debts and I'm worried that he has so little in retirement. Being the organized one, I take on a lot of the responsibility for the house and kids, and sometimes I feel overwhelmed and bitch at him, even though in fact he does a lot too. He also is divorced and though its been a long time, he and his ex have a very difficult relationship (they share custody of a child), and sometimes I feel like I'm in a dysfunctional marriage of 3. His child--my stepchild--is basically a good kid, but has some issues and parenting him can be difficult and stressful (for DH and me). And, DH is a lot less adventurous in bed than I, and my sex drive has kind of nose-dived, partly because of kids, but also because--to be honest--i'm just not that excited by him--I find him atttractive, but I find it hard to get excited in bed--he likes the same routine, which is rushed, whereas I crave adventure, exploration, and edge. We've just started to address the latter, so there's hope but I'm not sure we'll ever have the incredibly hot, hot crazy sex I've had in other relationships.
All of this was stuff I think I sensed when we were dating, but I decided that it didn't matter. I realize now it matters--don't think it would necessarily change my decision, but I would have been better prepared. In the end, I think the balance is that I am with someone whom I love, who loves me. The issues we have do not have to do with character flaws, abusive behavior, or lack of love or support. I have a feeling that this is what a lot of 'good' marriages look like. |
Anonymous
| Hell no! I can say that the best thing to come out of it were my 2 biological kids and my 1 adopted. But I could have gotten them without marrying her or having her cheat on me. She did the old "bait and hook": gave me tons of sex pre-marriage, only to scale back to a once-every-two-to-three-week schedule. And that was before kids! Not worth it. |
Anonymous
Right on! Although, one of the good times me and the ex-wife had were sitting on the couch smoking a blunt while watching Whitney coin that phrase. |
Anonymous
Why did you reproduce/adopt with this hag if she wasn't putting out? |
Anonymous
|
Another No for the tally.
I married my sexy Bad Boy. What a mistake! |
Anonymous
For starters, she wasn't a hag... a bitch, maybe. Ok, there's no maybe about it - she's definitely a bitch. But not a hag. We had our really, really good times and really, really bad times just like any other couple but I didn't hinge our entire relationship on sex alone. I just know that I wouldn't do it again, knowing the shitty outcome in advance: finding myself a single father of 3 and creeping up on 40 yrs old. |
Anonymous
Haha - I'm PP and I think you might be my ex! |
Anonymous
| No. The best thing obviously to come out of the past 10 years are my 2 children. They are my life. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with my husband or growing old with him. My children need their father and so here I am. Sad. |
Anonymous
| Absolutely, nothing is perfect, but DH is as perfect for me as I can imagine and our two kids are amazing to us both. I cannot, and do not want to, imagine my life without them. |
Anonymous
| No way Jose |
Anonymous
| In a heartbeat. |
Anonymous
| Probably not. I think we were happy before DS, but we haven't been happy since. Counseling didn't help much and now we're just on autopilot. We don't talk about anything beyond day to day stuff so that we won't argue as much, but that's not healthy either. Divorce is on the horizon but I can't decide if DS will be better or worse off. |
Anonymous
Sadly I think this may be the story of so many women. |