Do you stay friends with the families that bail for the suburbs

[Anonymous]

OP I hope you recognize that not everyone is in the position to do what you are doing. for some people whose kids have certain learning challenges, the suburbs really are a better bet. For ex, Moco makes it much easier to qualify for speech therapy and OT. In other cases, the DCPS may just not be a good fit for a kid. And in other cases, the commutes from the burbs may actually be shorter since a lot of jobs are in the burbs too. But the bottom line is that if you have a real connection with someone, you should try to stay friends for your own sake - making close adult friends is hard!!! if you never really connected and were just friendly because you constantly saw them at drop-off, you will likely drift apart naturally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find that I stay to connected to parents who move to the burbs (and WotP) IF the families were close to us during their DC years, IF they make an effort to keep up with us, and IF they don't subject us to emotional put-downs us for staying EotP.

In these relationships, from time to find I find myself politely challenging hints that newly-minted little suburbanites are getting a vastly superior education to ours. For example, I point out that we're realized how lucky we are to live a 2-minute walk from an excellent public library along with a 3-minute walk from the public middle school our children will attend. I also like to point out that my children's upper grades academic elementary school classes are generally taught by two teachers (one paid for by the PTA) in rooms with no more than 22 or 23 kids. I hear reports, particularly from MoCo, of a single teacher contending with up to 30 kids in the public elementary schools these families fled to, including in high-octane GT programs.

On a bright note, when I challenge, the reception I usually get is positive, along the lines of "Good for you for staying in the City despite the extra work involved to ensure that your kids get a great education." Fair enough, one surely has to work harder to make that happen in DC public schools than in those in tony suburbs. No point in being thinned-skinned when this is pointed out, or in failing to push back a little to point out that the big picture can be terrific for one's older DCPS student.

You sound insecure. Who cares...do the best for your family and don’t spend so much time arguing about it.

Not the poster you're responding to. Call PPs names much?

It's good to push back when smug + poorly informed suburbanites run down the highest-performing public schools here. I've been there many times over the years.

Parents who bail from cultural rich historic neighborhoods in the District for blah suburbs, then turn around and slam those who stayed for neglecting their children are definitely insecure...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest is starting 5th grade and lost 2 of his close friends this summer out of his class as their parents made the jump to “better school systems”. Others are talking about about doing the same next year. We are committed to sticking it out and bringing about the change the other families feel didn’t come fast enough on the Hill but I can’t help but feel that they are abandoning the community and us to the point they are part of the problem with the middle schools. We went to one of their BBQs up in Bethesda last week and had to sit there while they raved about how much better it was and others changed the conversation when we told that we were stying. I couldn’t help but feel every brag was a shot at us.

Considering that kids drift away, I just want to cut the ties and focus on the families that share our values but how do you explain that to kids who simply don’t grasp the bigger issues?

This just screams that you are insecure with your own choices. And I get it, it's a bit of a gamble. Things likely will get better for DCPS, or parts of it, but it's no guarantee. And it's got to be nerve-wracking, deciding that your highest priority is social change, and knowing that you might not be putting your kids in the best situation possible for them, when you have the means to do so.

But, you have to stop taking it personally. They're excited about their move, they're excited about their new house, and even if they have regrets, they have to *act* like they don't, because I'm sure their kids aren't thrilled about leaving their friends, and if the parents show their qualms, it'll just make it the transition harder. Also, there are *some* things that are better about living in the suburbs than the city (just like there are *some* - I would say more - things better about living in the city than the 'burbs), and they're allowed to be excited about those things without you making it all about you.

OP, as your very highest priority is not your child's education why does it bother you so much to hear about other's who do value such as a priority? Be confident in your choices OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to the downside of gentrification. This is also why is it is so much cheaper to buy EOTP than WOTP. The housing market says your pain is about 150-250k.

And a 4th bedroom

I wish it were actually much cheaper to buy EOTP than WOTP.

We've been looking for a 3 or 4-bedroom house a short walk from a Metro station in a happening area (e.g. Cleveland Park, Tenleytown or Eastern Market) for five or six months.

These days, most of Cap Hill just isn't much cheaper than some areas of Upper NW.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. People who make big moves that cost money sometimes will spout on about it for a while, usually for too long. And they can become tone deaf to their audience and offend, intentionally or not. The grass is not greener, but you can’t convince a new buyer of it.

But, no matter where you live, kids’ friendships change over time. Even a group that moves from elementary to middle school together will experience shake up. It’s how life works.

[Anonymous]

OP the problem is that you want people like you, UMC and white, to stay “committed” to the school sonit eventually becomes all IB. Honestly, other than gracing the achool woth your presence what exactly do you think you are doing to improve the education for all the kids other than creating a “critical mass”— see any thread about Hardy Middle school...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest is starting 5th grade and lost 2 of his close friends this summer out of his class as their parents made the jump to “better school systems”. Others are talking about about doing the same next year. We are committed to sticking it out and bringing about the change the other families feel didn’t come fast enough on the Hill but I can’t help but feel that they are abandoning the community and us to the point they are part of the problem with the middle schools. We went to one of their BBQs up in Bethesda last week and had to sit there while they raved about how much better it was and others changed the conversation when we told that we were stying. I couldn’t help but feel every brag was a shot at us.

Considering that kids drift away, I just want to cut the ties and focus on the families that share our values but how do you explain that to kids who simply don’t grasp the bigger issues?

Maybe they are hoping to convince you to move with them? They like you and your kids and we’re giving a soft sell

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP. People who make big moves that cost money sometimes will spout on about it for a while, usually for too long. And they can become tone deaf to their audience and offend, intentionally or not. The grass is not greener, but you can’t convince a new buyer of it.

But, no matter where you live, kids’ friendships change over time. Even a group that moves from elementary to middle school together will experience shake up. It’s how life works.

The grass is not greener. Lol. Some schools are are better than others. They’re not all the same.

[Anonymous]

They realized that their kids would not see the changes that you are trying to make happen. Do you honestly think that it's that easy to change a middle or high school? Poor naive OP.

You will move too, in all probability.

[Anonymous]

How can someone who now lives somewhere else be “part of the problem” for your kids’ bad middle school. I guess every single person who doesn’t live IB for that school also contributes to its badness.

[Anonymous]

You want a bunch of upper SES white people to stay so your schools looks like the schools that you decry. You want your cake and eat it too and you’re bitter others aren’t playing their part in your fantasy. They moved because that is where what they want is. You want what you want to come to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to the downside of gentrification. This is also why is it is so much cheaper to buy EOTP than WOTP. The housing market says your pain is about 150-250k.

And a 4th bedroom

I wish it were actually much cheaper to buy EOTP than WOTP.

We've been looking for a 3 or 4-bedroom house a short walk from a Metro station in a happening area (e.g. Cleveland Park, Tenleytown or Eastern Market) for five or six months.

These days, most of Cap Hill just isn't much cheaper than some areas of Upper NW.

A few blocks of cap hill vs the entire WOTP? Don’t worry much of EOTP is still pennies on the dollar

[Anonymous]

You're out of date. It's not just a few blocks of Cap Hill. Real estate values have tripled in great swathes of that neighborhood in the last 15 years. You can no longer buy a nicely renovated 4-bedroom house on Cap Hill south of H Street and west of Lincoln Park for under 1.5 million. Prices there just aren't much different than in Tenleytown.

[Anonymous]

I totally understand the OP. This also happens in DC when families start at Public Schools and then switch over to Charters. Even though all families live in DC in creates a strain for families who don’t want to switch or don’t get selected in the lottery. By the time kids are in first or second grade, they are the only family or two that started in a Preschool. It’s tough socializing on this level too.

Signed,

Lonely at my DCPS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally understand the OP. This also happens in DC when families start at Public Schools and then switch over to Charters. Even though all families live in DC in creates a strain for families who don’t want to switch or don’t get selected in the lottery. By the time kids are in first or second grade, they are the only family or two that started in a Preschool. It’s tough socializing on this level too.

Signed,

Lonely at my DCPS

Are you lonely or is your child lonley? It's normal to miss the old friendships, but there are obviously new children filling those seats. Are you making an effort to get to know the new families?