Do you stay friends with the families that bail for the suburbs

[Anonymous]

Funny, we've had the opposite experience to OP's... we left Logan Circle for Montgomery County a few years ago. Our friends who stayed in DC are all "How can you stand it? I could never live in the suburbs." Their kids are all private-school bound. We do all still socialize and love one another. And I'm sure they all talk about how horrible our suburb is on the way back to CCDC from our BBQs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want a bunch of upper SES white people to stay so your schools looks like the schools that you decry. You want your cake and eat it too and you’re bitter others aren’t playing their part in your fantasy. They moved because that is where what they want is. You want what you want to come to you.

OP will never admit this, because it doesn't comport with her view of herself, but this is exactly right.

NP, and maybe. Or, maybe us educated white people are sick of other educated white people panicking and not owning their anxiety around public education. It's tiresome. Our next door neighbors recently decamped for a wealthier school district, and we were really disappointed. They're not white. I don't want an all-white school, all-wealthy school.

We live in one of the school districts in MoCo regularly slammed on DCUM, and I've gotten plenty of negative feedback IRL from people when they find out where we live. They're all white, they all claim to be liberal, etc.

So, you're unhappy that your highly educated friends moved to the burbs, because you want them to stay in your schools so they look like the schools you decry. If they don't, your schools will have too many low SES kids, and they won't be what you want them to be.

I know you think you're virtuous, but . . . not so much.

Reading fail

Your friends aren't highly educated?

1. We already live in the 'burbs
2. Our friends who moved aren't white. We like the diversity of race in our school; I don't want it to become as white as many of the other MoCo schools
3. The people who moved in are more highly educated than the ones who moved

Dude, our school is Focus. We already have many kids of lower SES than us. We're not scared away by that. We're disappointed that people who claimed to be committed to our school weren't at the end of the day. I know that doesn't fit in with your fantasy portrayal of this dynamic, but that's your issue.

[Anonymous]

Why is everyone jumping on OP?
It's common knowledge (based on actual research) that you can have up to 20% "at risk" kids in classroom before the quality of the experience goes down for all.
I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want my kids to be a minority in a class of all at risk kids. And yet OP is getting reamed by score of people who have abandoned all diversity
and moved to suburbia for classrooms of entirely white and/or non-at-risk kids.
Hypocritical much?

I work in the trenches of DC with at risk families every day as a social worker for a Medicaid plan. I'm in and out of these homes (and hotels and shelters) and I love these kids. But I wouldn't put my kids in a 10 or 20% minority with them day-in and day-out. Their needs are so great there is no way on earth they can begin to begin to be met in a classroom. I honestly don't know how many of the city schools even function. As such, my kids attend DCPS schools with a bit more balance (we're talking 25-50% of kids are from significantly lower economic status households). It is incredibly important for me that my kids learn shoulder to shoulder with kids from all walks of life in Washington but I see the incredible value of having a mix of economic backgrounds in a classroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone jumping on OP?
It's common knowledge (based on actual research) that you can have up to 20% "at risk" kids in classroom before the quality of the experience goes down for all.
I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want my kids to be a minority in a class of all at risk kids. And yet OP is getting reamed by score of people who have abandoned all diversity
and moved to suburbia for classrooms of entirely white and/or non-at-risk kids.
Hypocritical much?

I work in the trenches of DC with at risk families every day as a social worker for a Medicaid plan. I'm in and out of these homes (and hotels and shelters) and I love these kids. But I wouldn't put my kids in a 10 or 20% minority with them day-in and day-out. Their needs are so great there is no way on earth they can begin to begin to be met in a classroom. I honestly don't know how many of the city schools even function. As such, my kids attend DCPS schools with a bit more balance (we're talking 25-50% of kids are from significantly lower economic status households). It is incredibly important for me that my kids learn shoulder to shoulder with kids from all walks of life in Washington but I see the incredible value of having a mix of economic backgrounds in a classroom.

Because she is clearly defensive about her decision, and overly sensitive about her former friend's decisions. "Bail for the suburbs" (vs move to the suburbs, leave the city) is pretty much all you need to know here

[Anonymous]

OP, you don't have to frame it as a big complicated ethics issue. Your friends are moving 45 minutes to an hour away. you are all busy. Chances are both you and your kids, and your friends and their kids, will just move on with their lives. You will make new friends, and so will they.

[Anonymous]

Is DCPS < FCPS?

Is DCPS < MCPS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is DCPS < FCPS?

Is DCPS < MCPS?

RE MCPS -- it depends on where in MCPS you live.

DCPS has WOTP vs EOTP/EOTR and MCPS has western, northern vs. eastern and parts of the county. Similar patterns with some exceptions (both for DCPS and MCPS) here and there.

One difference is that MCPS has an affirmative strategy to staff its Title 1 schools differently -- lower teacher-student ratios, more support staff in Title 1 and higher in the rest. It can mean (not always) significantly higher elementary school class sizes than in DCPS. Another is that there is no Pk3 or Pk4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is DCPS < FCPS?

Is DCPS < MCPS?

RE MCPS -- it depends on where in MCPS you live.

DCPS has WOTP vs EOTP/EOTR and MCPS has western, northern vs. eastern and parts of the county. Similar patterns with some exceptions (both for DCPS and MCPS) here and there.

One difference is that MCPS has an affirmative strategy to staff its Title 1 schools differently -- lower teacher-student ratios, more support staff in Title 1 and higher in the rest. It can mean (not always) significantly higher elementary school class sizes than in DCPS. Another is that there is no Pk3 or Pk4.

+1, good analysis

[Anonymous]

This bagging on making friends with other parents is crazy to me. We have made so many wonderful friendships with other parents we have met through our kids’ activities. And how else is one expected to make friends as a parent of young children? I have lots of wonderful friends from high school, college, previous jobs, etc. but they live all over the world. I love seeing them, but I also love sharing the trenches with our DC parent friends. Many of these people will be keepers for life no matter where they go. But I imagine that they are also good enough friends that we will have heart to heart talks about their decisions to move to the suburbs, go private, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally understand the OP. This also happens in DC when families start at Public Schools and then switch over to Charters. Even though all families live in DC in creates a strain for families who don’t want to switch or don’t get selected in the lottery. By the time kids are in first or second grade, they are the only family or two that started in a Preschool. It’s tough socializing on this level too.

Signed,

Lonely at my DCPS

Are you lonely or is your child lonley? It's normal to miss the old friendships, but there are obviously new children filling those seats. Are you making an effort to get to know the new families?

New families don’t transfer to DC Public Schools after 1st and 2nd grade! After K, you’re stuck with the OOB kids who are using relatives addresses and don’t live in the neighborhood. This is why parents really try to get placed in HRCS before Kindergarten because there is generally ZERO movement after that. Then your kids really don’t have friends with similar interests outside of school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You want a bunch of upper SES white people to stay so your schools looks like the schools that you decry. You want your cake and eat it too and you’re bitter others aren’t playing their part in your fantasy. They moved because that is where what they want is. You want what you want to come to you.

this

People simply want their middle school to look like at least as functional as their elementary. They fail to realize that those streets near their homes that they pretend aren't there are actually filled with people and they are zoned to a school they would never send their kid too and those schools get merged at the next level.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I find the white UMC families LESS likely to go to the burbs than the minority families. No hard numbers, this is a purely anecdotal observation.

These friends aren't going to jeopardize their kids future for some nebulous "change". I know Asian, AA, and mixed families that all have said similar things.

Now this is all EOTP; WOTP seems to be a bit different - not many minorities to start off with.

[Anonymous]

Parent of black boys. High school is life or death for us. Judge our choices if you will.

[Anonymous]

We left for the burbs after my daughter came home from her HRCS telling us about the bullets her classmate brought to school. When school declined to comment on security policy, we figured it was time to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I find the white UMC families LESS likely to go to the burbs than the minority families. No hard numbers, this is a purely anecdotal observation.

These friends aren't going to jeopardize their kids future for some nebulous "change". I know Asian, AA, and mixed families that all have said similar things.

Now this is all EOTP; WOTP seems to be a bit different - not many minorities to start off with.

It played out at our HRCS, though it was all UMC families, not just white ones. When my kid started in PK3, there was a small but strong cadre of UMC families. By the time middle school rolled around, 8 years later, virtually all had left (including us). Some went to other charters, some moved out of the area, some moved to the suburbs, and some (the lucky ones, IMO) who were IB to Deal went there.