Do you stay friends with the families that bail for the suburbs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want a bunch of upper SES white people to stay so your schools looks like the schools that you decry. You want your cake and eat it too and you’re bitter others aren’t playing their part in your fantasy. They moved because that is where what they want is. You want what you want to come to you.

OP will never admit this, because it doesn't comport with her view of herself, but this is exactly right.

NP, and maybe. Or, maybe us educated white people are sick of other educated white people panicking and not owning their anxiety around public education. It's tiresome. Our next door neighbors recently decamped for a wealthier school district, and we were really disappointed. They're not white. I don't want an all-white school, all-wealthy school.

We live in one of the school districts in MoCo regularly slammed on DCUM, and I've gotten plenty of negative feedback IRL from people when they find out where we live. They're all white, they all claim to be liberal, etc.

So, you're unhappy that your highly educated friends moved to the burbs, because you want them to stay in your schools so they look like the schools you decry. If they don't, your schools will have too many low SES kids, and they won't be what you want them to be.

I know you think you're virtuous, but . . . not so much.

Reading fail

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want a bunch of upper SES white people to stay so your schools looks like the schools that you decry. You want your cake and eat it too and you’re bitter others aren’t playing their part in your fantasy. They moved because that is where what they want is. You want what you want to come to you.

OP will never admit this, because it doesn't comport with her view of herself, but this is exactly right.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner! I'm mad because you took your rich white child away and now my kid is left with the poor brown ones. No fair!

[Anonymous]

OP I think you are getting beat up a bit on this tread. To answer the question you're really asking - no I don't make a huge effort to keep in contact with people who move away to the suburbs. We also live on the hill and have seen similar things happen. There are a handful of families who left that we still stay slightly in touch with but I put my efforts into our long time forever friends (where ever they may live) and our neighborhood friends. I encourage my kids to do the same. I don't have time to set up play dates with kids who live an hour away from us.

[Anonymous]

I hope you’re still around, OP, because I’m sympathetic. I wouldn’t continue to go to barbecues with people so braggy and tone deaf. Now you know how different your two families actually are, and there’s no need to continue to pursue a friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want a bunch of upper SES white people to stay so your schools looks like the schools that you decry. You want your cake and eat it too and you’re bitter others aren’t playing their part in your fantasy. They moved because that is where what they want is. You want what you want to come to you.

OP will never admit this, because it doesn't comport with her view of herself, but this is exactly right.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner! I'm mad because you took your rich white child away and now my kid is left with the poor brown ones. No fair!

This is a version of a common flawed argument on DCUM that goes: “I’M not racist... EVERYBODY thinks this way.” When they feel some guilt, people comfort themselves by believing that everyone else secretly harbors the same thoughts they do.

No, not everyone wants their schools to be majority white and wealthy. There are so many other reasons why the OP would be annoyed to see her friends go. The main one is that white flight is disappointing and depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want a bunch of upper SES white people to stay so your schools looks like the schools that you decry. You want your cake and eat it too and you’re bitter others aren’t playing their part in your fantasy. They moved because that is where what they want is. You want what you want to come to you.

OP will never admit this, because it doesn't comport with her view of herself, but this is exactly right.

NP, and maybe. Or, maybe us educated white people are sick of other educated white people panicking and not owning their anxiety around public education. It's tiresome. Our next door neighbors recently decamped for a wealthier school district, and we were really disappointed. They're not white. I don't want an all-white school, all-wealthy school.

We live in one of the school districts in MoCo regularly slammed on DCUM, and I've gotten plenty of negative feedback IRL from people when they find out where we live. They're all white, they all claim to be liberal, etc.

So, you're unhappy that your highly educated friends moved to the burbs, because you want them to stay in your schools so they look like the schools you decry. If they don't, your schools will have too many low SES kids, and they won't be what you want them to be.

I know you think you're virtuous, but . . . not so much.

Reading fail

Exactly. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

insecure, chip on shoulder

[Anonymous]

OP-

I'm sympathetic! We lived on the Hill, but moved to NW for our DC to attend the school we preferred. There are only a few friends we still engage with bc despite being the same city, our day to day lives are just busy with work + activities.

Always happy to cross paths, and to make the effort. But after three years, more the exception than the rule. At this stage, we know the parents more than the kids remember each other!

(Attending summer camps over the years though helped the friendships reconnect.)

[Anonymous]

I'm in the suburbs and the local school is not good at all. How bad must DCPS be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want a bunch of upper SES white people to stay so your schools looks like the schools that you decry. You want your cake and eat it too and you’re bitter others aren’t playing their part in your fantasy. They moved because that is where what they want is. You want what you want to come to you.

OP will never admit this, because it doesn't comport with her view of herself, but this is exactly right.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner! I'm mad because you took your rich white child away and now my kid is left with the poor brown ones. No fair!

Exactly. Do you hear yourself, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want a bunch of upper SES white people to stay so your schools looks like the schools that you decry. You want your cake and eat it too and you’re bitter others aren’t playing their part in your fantasy. They moved because that is where what they want is. You want what you want to come to you.

OP will never admit this, because it doesn't comport with her view of herself, but this is exactly right.

NP, and maybe. Or, maybe us educated white people are sick of other educated white people panicking and not owning their anxiety around public education. It's tiresome. Our next door neighbors recently decamped for a wealthier school district, and we were really disappointed. They're not white. I don't want an all-white school, all-wealthy school.

We live in one of the school districts in MoCo regularly slammed on DCUM, and I've gotten plenty of negative feedback IRL from people when they find out where we live. They're all white, they all claim to be liberal, etc.

So, you're unhappy that your highly educated friends moved to the burbs, because you want them to stay in your schools so they look like the schools you decry. If they don't, your schools will have too many low SES kids, and they won't be what you want them to be.

I know you think you're virtuous, but . . . not so much.

Reading fail

Your friends aren't highly educated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want a bunch of upper SES white people to stay so your schools looks like the schools that you decry. You want your cake and eat it too and you’re bitter others aren’t playing their part in your fantasy. They moved because that is where what they want is. You want what you want to come to you.

OP will never admit this, because it doesn't comport with her view of herself, but this is exactly right.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner! I'm mad because you took your rich white child away and now my kid is left with the poor brown ones. No fair!

This is a version of a common flawed argument on DCUM that goes: “I’M not racist... EVERYBODY thinks this way.” When they feel some guilt, people comfort themselves by believing that everyone else secretly harbors the same thoughts they do.

No, not everyone wants their schools to be majority white and wealthy. There are so many other reasons why the OP would be annoyed to see her friends go. The main one is that white flight is disappointing and depressing.

Sure, there could be any number of reasons. Or, we could just point to the one OP said in her post: "We are committed to sticking it out and bringing about the change the other families feel didn’t come fast enough on the Hill but I can’t help but feel that they are abandoning the community and us to the point they are part of the problem with the middle schools."

The other families didn't stick around to help improve the schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the suburbs and the local school is not good at all. How bad must DCPS be?

The suburbs aren't a monolith. They encompass 2 states, 4 counties and 2 "cities," and those are just the close-in ones. It's ridiculous to make sweeping generalizations about schools in "the suburbs".

The same is true for DCPS, by the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want a bunch of upper SES white people to stay so your schools looks like the schools that you decry. You want your cake and eat it too and you’re bitter others aren’t playing their part in your fantasy. They moved because that is where what they want is. You want what you want to come to you.

OP will never admit this, because it doesn't comport with her view of herself, but this is exactly right.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner! I'm mad because you took your rich white child away and now my kid is left with the poor brown ones. No fair!

This is a version of a common flawed argument on DCUM that goes: “I’M not racist... EVERYBODY thinks this way.” When they feel some guilt, people comfort themselves by believing that everyone else secretly harbors the same thoughts they do.

No, not everyone wants their schools to be majority white and wealthy. There are so many other reasons why the OP would be annoyed to see her friends go. The main one is that white flight is disappointing and depressing.

Sure, there could be any number of reasons. Or, we could just point to the one OP said in her post: "We are committed to sticking it out and bringing about the change the other families feel didn’t come fast enough on the Hill but I can’t help but feel that they are abandoning the community and us to the point they are part of the problem with the middle schools."

The other families didn't stick around to help improve the schools.

You're saying the same thing as PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want a bunch of upper SES white people to stay so your schools looks like the schools that you decry. You want your cake and eat it too and you’re bitter others aren’t playing their part in your fantasy. They moved because that is where what they want is. You want what you want to come to you.

OP will never admit this, because it doesn't comport with her view of herself, but this is exactly right.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner! I'm mad because you took your rich white child away and now my kid is left with the poor brown ones. No fair!

This is a version of a common flawed argument on DCUM that goes: “I’M not racist... EVERYBODY thinks this way.” When they feel some guilt, people comfort themselves by believing that everyone else secretly harbors the same thoughts they do.

No, not everyone wants their schools to be majority white and wealthy. There are so many other reasons why the OP would be annoyed to see her friends go. The main one is that white flight is disappointing and depressing.

Sure, there could be any number of reasons. Or, we could just point to the one OP said in her post: "We are committed to sticking it out and bringing about the change the other families feel didn’t come fast enough on the Hill but I can’t help but feel that they are abandoning the community and us to the point they are part of the problem with the middle schools."

The other families didn't stick around to help improve the schools.

I am not in DC but am in a school district that's similar. We stuck it out through middle school and didn't leave for private or another district like many people did. I regret the choice and won't make the mistake for younger siblings.