Frustrated with cheap brother

[Anonymous]

Your brother absolutely sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your brother absolutely sucks.

So does OP! Stop counting other people's money and acting like the way they do or don't spend their money is ANY of your business. And stop trying to act like you know how someone else should live their life. Read the room--he's NOT INTERESTED in being the person you think he should be. Leave him alone. Stop. Really.

[Anonymous]

Your brother is a mooch. If he doesn't want to spend money on expensive restaurants, he should politely turn down the invitations. He shouldn't show up and expect someone else to pay. Having said that, he's allowed to spend his money however he wants. It's the spending of your parents' money I take offense to.

Your parents are suckers. It's fine to go to dinner with one child and not the other. They need to get over that and stop letting your brother manipulate his way into free food. Having said that, they're allowed to spend their money how they want to. I'm just going to roll my eyes every time they give in.

You have unrealistic expectations of your brother. Don't ask about splitting bills or throwing parties; you know he won't. And he's not close with your kids and isn't obligated to buy them presents. It is what it is. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And no, he doesn't owe your children gifts, or time, or anything else.

You are incredibly demanding, OP. No wonder he doesn't want to have a better relationship with you.

I have never, ever understood this attitude by some of the DCUM posters. This guy wants free, swanky meals handed to him by his parents, and OP is just concerned that there is no give-and-take between him and any other member of the family. Of course OP does not think he OWES gifts for her children. To assume that from what she's written is ridiculous. She is confused, though, how other members of the family contribute funds to have him participate in family gatherings and he is never interested in returning the favor. She's not demanding, and she's not responsible for "bettering" the relationship with her brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your brother is a mooch. If he doesn't want to spend money on expensive restaurants, he should politely turn down the invitations. He shouldn't show up and expect someone else to pay. Having said that, he's allowed to spend his money however he wants. It's the spending of your parents' money I take offense to.

Your parents are suckers. It's fine to go to dinner with one child and not the other. They need to get over that and stop letting your brother manipulate his way into free food. Having said that, they're allowed to spend their money how they want to. I'm just going to roll my eyes every time they give in.

You have unrealistic expectations of your brother. Don't ask about splitting bills or throwing parties; you know he won't. And he's not close with your kids and isn't obligated to buy them presents. It is what it is. Let it go.

It’s their money. You don’t get to decide how they spend it, OP doesn’t get to decide, either.

They can buy a star named after themselves, or LV dog cattier, or a diamond-encrusted lollipop holder, or a gold toilet, or a ticket to Bermuda, or a donation to Trump’s reelection campaign, or a Chia Pet. Or a meal for their son.

It’s their money. To do with as they please.

Do. you. get. it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your brother absolutely sucks.

So does OP! Stop counting other people's money and acting like the way they do or don't spend their money is ANY of your business. And stop trying to act like you know how someone else should live their life. Read the room--he's NOT INTERESTED in being the person you think he should be. Leave him alone. Stop. Really.

If this is truly the case, and the relationship with her brother is completely one-sided, then OP has all the information she needs. She should then feel free to let her parents know that if they only want to get together with her if the brother is included, then she and her family won't see them at all. It's painful to be around a member of the family who isn't interested in having a fair, dynamic relationship with you. She and her wallet shouldn't be subjected to it any longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your brother is a mooch. If he doesn't want to spend money on expensive restaurants, he should politely turn down the invitations. He shouldn't show up and expect someone else to pay. Having said that, he's allowed to spend his money however he wants. It's the spending of your parents' money I take offense to.

Your parents are suckers. It's fine to go to dinner with one child and not the other. They need to get over that and stop letting your brother manipulate his way into free food. Having said that, they're allowed to spend their money how they want to. I'm just going to roll my eyes every time they give in.

You have unrealistic expectations of your brother. Don't ask about splitting bills or throwing parties; you know he won't. And he's not close with your kids and isn't obligated to buy them presents. It is what it is. Let it go.

It’s their money. You don’t get to decide how they spend it, OP doesn’t get to decide, either.

They can buy a star named after themselves, or LV dog cattier, or a diamond-encrusted lollipop holder, or a gold toilet, or a ticket to Bermuda, or a donation to Trump’s reelection campaign, or a Chia Pet. Or a meal for their son.

It’s their money. To do with as they please.

Do. you. get. it?

Ahhh, see. Now we know why this poster is such a jerk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m financially successful and I hate hate HATE my family counting my money. I would dig my heels in too if I felt you were pressuring me to chip in on your gestures.

So you are cheap AND stubborn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m financially successful and I hate hate HATE my family counting my money. I would dig my heels in too if I felt you were pressuring me to chip in on your gestures.

+1

I'd love to hear the brother's side of this story. I agree with PP who suggested that he might not like you.

He also might not have the amount of money you think he has. I have relatives who think we are absolutely LOADED. We're not. This pile of money that everyone thinks we have is an urban legend. We have good jobs, but they're not factoring things like major COL differences into account when they imagine what our disposable income might be, other medical expenses that we've kept private, the fact that childcare for many years was nearly $4,000/month, and a whole other host of factors.

I get shower invitations all the time from relatives who live in rural areas 1,000 miles from here. It is obvious they're sending them as a gift grab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m financially successful and I hate hate HATE my family counting my money. I would dig my heels in too if I felt you were pressuring me to chip in on your gestures.

So you are cheap AND stubborn.

Hi, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m financially successful and I hate hate HATE my family counting my money. I would dig my heels in too if I felt you were pressuring me to chip in on your gestures.

+1

I'd love to hear the brother's side of this story. I agree with PP who suggested that he might not like you.

He also might not have the amount of money you think he has. I have relatives who think we are absolutely LOADED. We're not. This pile of money that everyone thinks we have is an urban legend. We have good jobs, but they're not factoring things like major COL differences into account when they imagine what our disposable income might be, other medical expenses that we've kept private, the fact that childcare for many years was nearly $4,000/month, and a whole other host of factors.

I get shower invitations all the time from relatives who live in rural areas 1,000 miles from here. It is obvious they're sending them as a gift grab.

I don't doubt that your relatives don't understand that DC incomes don't go as far in this high COL area. But I'm so sorry to hear that you think shower invitations from your own family are an opportunity to gift grab. Every invite I've ever received, gift implied or not, I see as a great honor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m financially successful and I hate hate HATE my family counting my money. I would dig my heels in too if I felt you were pressuring me to chip in on your gestures.

So you are cheap AND stubborn.

Hi, OP!

Hi brother!
Not OP but she's not pressuring him, he's clearly taking advantage of their parents' generosity. Not only is he leeching off them every time they go to dinner, he won't pay when it's a special occasion dinner for them. Clearly they would appreciate it as they like go out to eat often - OP's gesture is an entirely appropriate gift.

I can't imagine any of my siblings not chipping in for my parents' anniversary.

[Anonymous]

My siblings don’t/have never got even a card for any of my kids. They reap the relationship that they sow. The kids know of them but dont really know them. That makes me more sad than the actual gift thing.

I know you would prefer not to be angry at your parents but they take the blame for this. They are allowing your brother to get away with this. Then they are playing the martyr when you bring it up. If they don’t advise him then he will not grow up and will not change. Cheap is one thing but this is disrespectful. But they are ok with that.

[Anonymous]

You want to take your parents out for their anniversary.

Your idea of a treat is an expensive dinner. Your parents idea of a treat is a dinner with you and your brother.

If you really want to honor your parents' wishes, ask your brother if there is a restaurant he is okay with going to (and paying for). If he still won't pay, just pick a cheaper place than $150pp and pay for everyone, including your brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you on splitting the bill for parents' anniversary.

You lost me at not giving gifts to your kids. Mainly because I'm pretty sure there isn't a gift on this planet you wouldn't find something wrong with.

My kids are 3 and 5 and it’s weird when we have a family party and every other relative brings at least a little something for the birthday kid and he brings nothing. Even a $5 gift would be fine.

You lost me here. I would love the person who didn’t give me one more $5 trinket to manage.