Gender Non-Conforming Boy - Looking for Resources Not Your Opinions Or Judgment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 5 y/o son likes "girl" things. He was a princess for Halloween when he was 3 and 4. He currently has an obsession with Barbies. He has gotten much pickier about his clothes and most of the things he likes to wear come from the girls section. He is growing his hair long so he can have ponytails and braids. At the same time, he knows he is a "boy who likes girl things" and sometimes limits himself for fear of being made fun of (he won't wear dresses, for example, except when playing dress up at home). I know he's still young and things can change over time, but I also don't think this is just a phase anymore. We as parents are totally supportive of who he is and whoever he wants to be, and now just want to make sure that all of as as a family have the resources and support needed to guide him through this.

Can I ask why you allowed him to select princess for Halloween at age 3? What would have happened if you said no to that?

Why ... would you say no to a child's Halloween costume?

OP, is his school environment welcoming and affirming? Are there adults who will push back if other kids give him grief?

Because it’s not appropriate, and parents are there to guide and teach

Why is it not appropriate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 5 y/o son likes "girl" things. He was a princess for Halloween when he was 3 and 4. He currently has an obsession with Barbies. He has gotten much pickier about his clothes and most of the things he likes to wear come from the girls section. He is growing his hair long so he can have ponytails and braids. At the same time, he knows he is a "boy who likes girl things" and sometimes limits himself for fear of being made fun of (he won't wear dresses, for example, except when playing dress up at home). I know he's still young and things can change over time, but I also don't think this is just a phase anymore. We as parents are totally supportive of who he is and whoever he wants to be, and now just want to make sure that all of as as a family have the resources and support needed to guide him through this.

Can I ask why you allowed him to select princess for Halloween at age 3? What would have happened if you said no to that?

Why ... would you say no to a child's Halloween costume?

OP, is his school environment welcoming and affirming? Are there adults who will push back if other kids give him grief?

Because it’s not appropriate, and parents are there to guide and teach

Why is it not appropriate?

If it has to be explained to you why it is inappropriate for a three year old boy to wear a princess costume when out trick-or-treating, then I'm not sure that you're going to be able to follow much of this conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 5 y/o son likes "girl" things. He was a princess for Halloween when he was 3 and 4. He currently has an obsession with Barbies. He has gotten much pickier about his clothes and most of the things he likes to wear come from the girls section. He is growing his hair long so he can have ponytails and braids. At the same time, he knows he is a "boy who likes girl things" and sometimes limits himself for fear of being made fun of (he won't wear dresses, for example, except when playing dress up at home). I know he's still young and things can change over time, but I also don't think this is just a phase anymore. We as parents are totally supportive of who he is and whoever he wants to be, and now just want to make sure that all of as as a family have the resources and support needed to guide him through this.

Can I ask why you allowed him to select princess for Halloween at age 3? What would have happened if you said no to that?

Why ... would you say no to a child's Halloween costume?

OP, is his school environment welcoming and affirming? Are there adults who will push back if other kids give him grief?

Because it’s not appropriate, and parents are there to guide and teach[/

Why is it not appropriate?

If it has to be explained to you why it is inappropriate for a three year old boy to wear a princess costume when out trick-or-treating, then I'm not sure that you're going to be able to follow much of this conversation.

I think it’s completely appropriate for a boy to be a princess for Halloween. Boys still have a ton of pressure to conform to toxic masculinity and anything we can do to give them a greater sense of freedom of expression we should.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I also don't understand why it wouldn't be appropriate.

OP, one of my best friends was into girly things our whole childhood and became a pianist. We were all completely convinced he was gay. Well, guess what? Turns out he's never been interested in men, and is now happily married to a woman (after also having had his heart broken by another woman--I was there to witness is and it was real and rough).

We are so quick to turn colors, toys and clothes into sexual markers. Kids know better than they are randomly assigned signifiers. They like what they like. Maybe that will end up correlating with traditional gender roles, maybe not. Either way, let them be who they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 5 y/o son likes "girl" things. He was a princess for Halloween when he was 3 and 4. He currently has an obsession with Barbies. He has gotten much pickier about his clothes and most of the things he likes to wear come from the girls section. He is growing his hair long so he can have ponytails and braids. At the same time, he knows he is a "boy who likes girl things" and sometimes limits himself for fear of being made fun of (he won't wear dresses, for example, except when playing dress up at home). I know he's still young and things can change over time, but I also don't think this is just a phase anymore. We as parents are totally supportive of who he is and whoever he wants to be, and now just want to make sure that all of as as a family have the resources and support needed to guide him through this.

Can I ask why you allowed him to select princess for Halloween at age 3? What would have happened if you said no to that?

Why ... would you say no to a child's Halloween costume?

OP, is his school environment welcoming and affirming? Are there adults who will push back if other kids give him grief?

Because it’s not appropriate, and parents are there to guide and teach

Why is it not appropriate?

If it has to be explained to you why it is inappropriate for a three year old boy to wear a princess costume when out trick-or-treating, then I'm not sure that you're going to be able to follow much of this conversation.

NP. I also don't see why it's inappropriate for a 3yo boy to wear a princess dress. Please explain.

And why do you think PP won't be able to follow the conversation? Is she not old enough? Not religious enough? Not hateful enough?

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you're in DC, you're in luck. This kind of thing is openly accepted at my child's preschool. One boy decided to grow his hair out and wear dresses all year. My daughter just said, "Larlo likes princess things like me!" and truly, no one cares. It was actually a much easier conversation than the whole, "Timmy has two mommies / daddies" dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 5 y/o son likes "girl" things. He was a princess for Halloween when he was 3 and 4. He currently has an obsession with Barbies. He has gotten much pickier about his clothes and most of the things he likes to wear come from the girls section. He is growing his hair long so he can have ponytails and braids. At the same time, he knows he is a "boy who likes girl things" and sometimes limits himself for fear of being made fun of (he won't wear dresses, for example, except when playing dress up at home). I know he's still young and things can change over time, but I also don't think this is just a phase anymore. We as parents are totally supportive of who he is and whoever he wants to be, and now just want to make sure that all of as as a family have the resources and support needed to guide him through this.

Can I ask why you allowed him to select princess for Halloween at age 3? What would have happened if you said no to that?

Why ... would you say no to a child's Halloween costume?

OP, is his school environment welcoming and affirming? Are there adults who will push back if other kids give him grief?

Because it’s not appropriate, and parents are there to guide and teach

Why is it not appropriate?

If it has to be explained to you why it is inappropriate for a three year old boy to wear a princess costume when out trick-or-treating, then I'm not sure that you're going to be able to follow much of this conversation.

NP. I also don't see why it's inappropriate for a 3yo boy to wear a princess dress. Please explain.

And why do you think PP won't be able to follow the conversation? Is she not old enough? Not religious enough? Not hateful enough?

Yes. If anyone is incapable of nuanced thinking, it’s PP.

[Anonymous]

Speaking from ***my personal family experience,*** in case it is any way helpful to OP.

My brother is gay. He has no desire to be a woman, but likes "girly things" and even likes dressing in drag sometimes. But he is a man, he identifies as male, he doesn't want to be a woman or identify as female.

He's a man, he's gay, he likes girly things. Those are all true things about him, and none of them cancel each other out.

My brother came out to my parents when he was 25. They have been accepting, loving and enthusiastic about his long-term boyfriend. Overall, his coming out has been good for my family.

HOWEVER, he does resent the fact that my parents didn't recognize that he was gay when he was a kid/teen. He knows they suspected it, and he deeply resents that they never talked to him about it.

Their view is that they didn't want to push or label him, and that they wanted him to define himself in any way he wanted to. His view is that they were hiding from it, they made it all a secret and confusing, they didn't offer him any opportunities to talk about it or talk through it or start to learn about anything outside of their heteronormative world.

This is food for thought, OP. That he might someday expect you to have taken a lead with a "gay is 'a thing' and it's fine" conversation.

My personal, lived experience can't be argued with, so don't.

[Anonymous]

yall are sick and ridiculous

boys should not be wearing princess outfits or pinktails

yall need to actually parent your children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're in DC, you're in luck. This kind of thing is openly accepted at my child's preschool. One boy decided to grow his hair out and wear dresses all year. My daughter just said, "Larlo likes princess things like me!" and truly, no one cares. It was actually a much easier conversation than the whole, "Timmy has two mommies / daddies" dynamic.

Kids do this everywhere. It's no big deal.

The people who think it's "inappropriate" probably never had kids or had kids 50 years ago. Their opinions are completely IRRELEVANT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yall are sick and ridiculous

boys should not be wearing princess outfits or pinktails

yall need to actually parent your children

...because? No one has yet actually explained why a boy shouldn't wear a princess costume on halloween. OR pigtails, for that matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're in DC, you're in luck. This kind of thing is openly accepted at my child's preschool. One boy decided to grow his hair out and wear dresses all year. My daughter just said, "Larlo likes princess things like me!" and truly, no one cares. It was actually a much easier conversation than the whole, "Timmy has two mommies / daddies" dynamic.

Kids do this everywhere. It's no big deal.

The people who think it's "inappropriate" probably never had kids or had kids 50 years ago. Their opinions are completely IRRELEVANT.

I don't necessarily agree. I know a lot of people where I'm from and from places I've lived where it would be a big deal. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it, but some people definitely think there is when you leave the bubble of DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yall are sick and ridiculous

boys should not be wearing princess outfits or pinktails

yall need to actually parent your children

...because? No one has yet actually explained why a boy shouldn't wear a princess costume on halloween. OR pigtails, for that matter.

I can believe i actually have to answer this question because they aren't girls duh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yall are sick and ridiculous

boys should not be wearing princess outfits or pinktails

yall need to actually parent your children

...because? No one has yet actually explained why a boy shouldn't wear a princess costume on halloween. OR pigtails, for that matter.

I can believe i actually have to answer this question because they aren't girls duh

Why does wearing a costume make them a girl? Are girls then also forbidden from wearing a superman costume or having short hair?

Last I checked, clothing did not affect DNA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're in DC, you're in luck. This kind of thing is openly accepted at my child's preschool. One boy decided to grow his hair out and wear dresses all year. My daughter just said, "Larlo likes princess things like me!" and truly, no one cares. It was actually a much easier conversation than the whole, "Timmy has two mommies / daddies" dynamic.

Kids do this everywhere. It's no big deal.

The people who think it's "inappropriate" probably never had kids or had kids 50 years ago. Their opinions are completely IRRELEVANT.

I don't necessarily agree. I know a lot of people where I'm from and from places I've lived where it would be a big deal. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it, but some people definitely think there is when you leave the bubble of DC.

Where - in 2019 - would it be a big deal?