Gender Non-Conforming Boy - Looking for Resources Not Your Opinions Or Judgment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 5 y/o son likes "girl" things. He was a princess for Halloween when he was 3 and 4. He currently has an obsession with Barbies. He has gotten much pickier about his clothes and most of the things he likes to wear come from the girls section. He is growing his hair long so he can have ponytails and braids. At the same time, he knows he is a "boy who likes girl things" and sometimes limits himself for fear of being made fun of (he won't wear dresses, for example, except when playing dress up at home). I know he's still young and things can change over time, but I also don't think this is just a phase anymore. We as parents are totally supportive of who he is and whoever he wants to be, and now just want to make sure that all of as as a family have the resources and support needed to guide him through this.

What a surreal thought process.

And then to post it here?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Most men (even people in general and yes, in DC too) would agree with PP whether they would admit it IRL or not.

Exactly. And they would silently judge people who allow this, and not favorably.

As I am silently judging you and your bigotry.

+1.

To those judging, silently or otherwise, the parents of boys dressing like princesses: why? Are you judging because you think it’s wrong for boys to dress like princesses or because you think the boy should not be allowed to do something that may be ridiculed by others? If the latter, how about instead you teach your gender conforming kids to stop mocking those with different preferences (which aren’t harming anyone)? How about you stop teaching narrow mindedness and encourage acceptance? Insisting on rigid gender roles perpetuates sexism.

OP, I appreciate this thread. My son is also gender non-conforming. I hope there are more parents out there who support gender non-conforming kids.

+1000 I can't believe its 2019 and we are still having this discussion on DCUM which is supposed to be full of progressive educated people and not from some ass backwards area.

+1

wtf?!

DC = ass backwards area, whatever that dumb comment means

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, your kid doesn't sound trans to me - at least not right now. Trans kids express actual dysphoria about their sex - they insist that they are actually the opposite gender, they talk about wanting to have different genitalia, they express wanting to be the opposite gender when they grow up. It doesn't sound like that is your kid, and I think we actually reinforce sexist stereotypes when we give the impression that because a kid likes "girl things" they must be a girl. Relax for now and support your kid.

If anything OP's kid sounds gender non-conforming. Which is different than transgender. OP did say "gender non-conforming" in title.

I agree - everyone should drop the "girl things" and "boys things" in general.

Can’t a young boy like sparkly stuff without being labeled gender-nonconforming? Liking something doesn’t have to mean something about identity! It just means he likes it.

My Hispanic DD is obsessed with Russian dolls.

Maybe she is ethnic-nonconforming?

[Anonymous]

He isn't gender non conforming, he is gender stereotype non conforming. A boy who likes pink and shopkins and sparkles is no different from a girl who likes blue and sports and playing with lego and getting dirty.

It's only in the last 30 years these things have become so gender rigid. I grew up in the 70s and we all just did whatever and no one cared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He isn't gender non conforming, he is gender stereotype non conforming. A boy who likes pink and shopkins and sparkles is no different from a girl who likes blue and sports and playing with lego and getting dirty.

It's only in the last 30 years these things have become so gender rigid. I grew up in the 70s and we all just did whatever and no one cared.

I grew up in the 70s too, and lots of people did care. Effeminate boys in particular had a really difficult time and schools turned a blind eye to the bullying while parents expected their boys to tough it out.

[Anonymous]

My Hispanic DD is obsessed with Russian dolls.

Maybe she is ethnic-nonconforming?

So true, it is all fantasy.

All doctors who are not treating this as gender dysphoria should be avoided. Any doctor that suggest hormone treatment is just doing so for the money - giving hormones to a child under 18 is child abuse. Any type of self mutilation suggested under the guise of "transitioning" should be reported.

Over 80% of kids with gender dysphoria have it disappear when they near adulthood. Some just realize that they are gay and the anxieties go away.

All treatment beyond psychological help are fantasy. The suicide rate for gender dysphoria is 40% a shocking number. The suicide rate has nothing to do with societies acceptance. With treatments of self mutilation and hormones the suicide rate actually gets higher.

There are only two genders and that is a fact. What the SJW community pushes is fantasy - they conflate a persons feminine or masculine PERSONALITY TRAITS with their biological sex.

It is a mental disorder and should be treated as such.

To the OP, if you do anything but psychological treatment you are a horrible parent. You risk raising the chance above 40% of your child committing suicide, you would allow self mutilation that he would never recover from - he would never be the same if hormones are introduced (That is irreversible).

Remember that the human brain is not fully grown until the early twenties and that just because YOU think he may be acting in feminine ways, that does not mean he is having any problems at all. So many parents WANT their kid to be "trans" - they think it makes them special and garners attention. There is good reason that the majority of adopted kids that are supposedly "trans" have gay parents - they simply condition the kids and love the attention THEY get.

[Anonymous]

^this PP is really, really sure of things.

I am the parent of a trans young adult. Who is doing just fine in life, thank you very much.

Until you’ve walked in my shoes PP, you don’t get to say whether I was an abusive parent — or for that matter, whether my kid has a mental illness. Which I am certain is not the case. My kid’s biggest angst these days comes from stressing over midterms and thinking about finding a job after college. In other words, pretty normal stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^this PP is really, really sure of things.

I am the parent of a trans young adult. Who is doing just fine in life, thank you very much.

Until you’ve walked in my shoes PP, you don’t get to say whether I was an abusive parent — or for that matter, whether my kid has a mental illness. Which I am certain is not the case. My kid’s biggest angst these days comes from stressing over midterms and thinking about finding a job after college. In other words, pretty normal stuff.

I know! It’s crazy how people can be so quick to judge parents helping kids and receiving medical treatment as being abusive.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It’s been a few months but wow this turned dark and judgy, but I suppose I expected that. I think we’re doing good by our kid. We’re in DC and he is in a supportive school environment. I do sometimes worry about the future and just want him to be happy, loved, and supported. Of course I want that right now too and I while I think he is mostly happy, sometimes he is not. And maybe that is normal 5 year old behavior, but part of me thinks it is connected to his gender identity. I think it would be helpful to find a good therapist to talk to (for us the parents, not our kid ... atleast not yet) but we havent found the right person. In the meantime, for others who are on a similar journey, I read a couple of books that really resonated with me and were helpful and affirming - “raising my rainbow” (also a blog) and Diane Ehrensaft’s two books “gender born gender made” and “the gender creative child”. There are also a lot of great children’s books out there - this is a really good and comprehensive list - https://assets2.hrc.org/welcoming-schools/documents/WS_Diverse_Picture_Books_Transgender_Non-Binary.pdf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are no girl things.

My "tomboy" (not a word we used) daughter was not "a girl who liked boy things." She was a girl. She liked things. A girl who climbs trees isn't doing a boy thing. A boy who plays dressup isn't doing a girl thing. Your son may like pretty things, or sparkly things, or all sorts of other adjectives, but I'd eliminate "girl things" from your lexicon. He's a boy. If he likes it, it's a boy thing.

This is important because kids are often shamed for liking things that aren't supposed to be for them. Whether that's still liking something when it's for "babies" or liking something that's for "boys" if you're a girl, I think giving your kid the confidence to know if he likes it, then it's for him, is critically important.

What sorts of resources are you looking for? As the parent of a gender non-conforming kid, I mostly got good at helping my daughter with words to push back against anyone who suggested that collecting worms wasn't "appropriate" for a "young lady" and things like that.

We also did a lot of mail order clothes to prevent having the fact that she was choosing "boy clothes" shoved in her face (that worked until she was about 10, then she had a crisis and tried to wear girl clothes for a couple of years, then went back to boy clothes and found out that puberty made that hard, and has finally settled on an aesthetic that works for her and involves mens and womens clothes).

One of my favorite places growing up was REI and Bass Pro Shops for clothes. Great spaces that provide complementary clothing for both gender identities with a huge selection of comfy quality clothes.