Dating someone with ADD

[Anonymous]

It’s funny how for thousands of years, men didn’t have ADHD. Suddenly, in the last 20 years, 70% of the men in DC have it. It seems like part of a larger trend lately to pathologize men.

[Anonymous]

I have massive ADHD, but I’m never late for anything. In fact, I’m early for every single appointment. It’s affected other areas of my life. House is a mess, memory is horrible, but dates, appointments, I’m early for everything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s funny how for thousands of years, men didn’t have ADHD. Suddenly, in the last 20 years, 70% of the men in DC have it. It seems like part of a larger trend lately to pathologize men.

Great then you deal with them and mother then and baby them yourself.

That’s what’s different: women don’t have to our with one-trick-pony ADHD ManChild

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd say that somebody with ADD who wants to be dating you isn't going to forget your dates. That's not how ADD usually works. And people with ADD are just like those with other illness issues. We shouldn't be given a pass for not doing the most basic things, like showing up for events we care about. Also, he should be taking responsibility for managing his ADD. That means he should have his phone set to ring 15 minutes before he has to leave for his date/event and then another one 5 minutes before, in case someone calls or his dog wants to be let out or whatever other distraction might arise. He should be faithfully using a written planner and should have trained himself to look around to make sure he doesn't leave it behind EVERY time he moves to a different space. The schedule should preferably be kept in a bag with a strap so it can't be forgotten when he gets called away and gets excited/interested in something. His keychain should have a cord to connect it to his jacket pocket or his satchel. His phone should always be set to "location on" and activated for "find my phone" apps. If he's not doing these basic things, he isn't behaving like a grown ass man who happens to have ADD, IMO. Adults who don't take similar measures give everyone else with ADD a bad name. FWIW my ex H is the exact opposite of someone with ADD but he couldn't and wouldn't plan a date to save his life. Don't write someone off because they have an issue so long as he is enthusiastically working to minimize its negative impact on his life.

You’re expecting someone with ADHD to realize he can and should do these things. Not all people with ADHD are that self aware and have those coping mechanisms. Does my ex know he needs to be on time because otherwise he will miss the first act of DD’s play? Of course! Will he remember to do ALL of the following: buy his ticket before online sales stop, put the ticket where he won’t lose it, put the date and time in his phone, charge his phone so it won’t die an hour before the event and he misses the reminder, gas up his car earlier in the day so he can make it there? Hell, no! And the saddest part is that he really does want to be there. Even if I do or remind all those things for him, there’s a good chance that he plans to buy flowers and locks his keys in the car at Giant on his way and he’ll miss it the whole thing waiting for the tow truck.

I'm with the first poster. Set alarms on the phone, make checklists, use tile finders, apps, whatever helps. I would rather be with someone who has learned from repeated mistakes that he should be pro-active. Surely by this point in life grown adults are aware of their shortcomings. Not doing anything about it indicates selfishness. If you at least try and inevitably still screw up, you get a pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s funny how for thousands of years, men didn’t have ADHD. Suddenly, in the last 20 years, 70% of the men in DC have it. It seems like part of a larger trend lately to pathologize men.

They had it, but the world was designed around men so they were able to compensate.
For thousands of years, many women helped their husbands with whatever the family did for a living. Wives caught mistakes that would have been costly and sometimes even secretly ran the entire farm or business. It also helped that people were less strict with time and there was hardly any paper to keep track of.
If men were unsuccessful in one venture, for roughly 500 years at least some had the outlet of immigrating to various colonies or in the US striking out for the West.
Of course, the biggest thing is that people with ADHD are more likely to die in accidents. Without modern medicine to stop bleeding or deal with crush injuries, many young ADHD males died before they could marry and reproduce. After the dawn of the 20th century, many more survived to pass on those genes and then their ADHD male offspring also survived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s funny how for thousands of years, men didn’t have ADHD. Suddenly, in the last 20 years, 70% of the men in DC have it. It seems like part of a larger trend lately to pathologize men.

They had it, but the world was designed around men so they were able to compensate.
For thousands of years, many women helped their husbands with whatever the family did for a living. Wives caught mistakes that would have been costly and sometimes even secretly ran the entire farm or business. It also helped that people were less strict with time and there was hardly any paper to keep track of.
If men were unsuccessful in one venture, for roughly 500 years at least some had the outlet of immigrating to various colonies or in the US striking out for the West.
Of course, the biggest thing is that people with ADHD are more likely to die in accidents. Without modern medicine to stop bleeding or deal with crush injuries, many young ADHD males died before they could marry and reproduce. After the dawn of the 20th century, many more survived to pass on those genes and then their ADHD male offspring also survived.

+1
I see it so clearly in FIL, who passed on a less severe case to my DH and now my DS has his diagnosis.

FIL - divorced when DH was 3. Was incapable of simple household tasks like laundry & cooking - they ate take-out, fast food or in restaurants for almost every meal. His secretary handled things like Dr. appointments, anything school related, etc. Dumped kid on his sister and mother whenever possible. In later life, he let his house fall into a disgusting level of cleanliness and disrepair to the point where he had to move into assisted living because the nurses were unwilling to work in a house with mice in the kitchen and mold on the ceiling. Never got that surgery he needed because he kept putting it off.

He's a real mess, that was enabled by his parents, sisters, secretaries, daughter, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have massive ADHD, but I’m never late for anything. In fact, I’m early for every single appointment. It’s affected other areas of my life. House is a mess, memory is horrible, but dates, appointments, I’m early for everything

Being late for appointments can be a symptom of ADD. But being early for appointments can also be a symptom of ADD. Being inattentive can be a symptom of ADD. Being hyper-focused can be a symptom of ADD. Losing jobs can be a symptom of ADD. Being really into your job and staying late at work all the time can be a symptom of ADD. Really, there's nothing ADD can't explain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s funny how for thousands of years, men didn’t have ADHD. Suddenly, in the last 20 years, 70% of the men in DC have it. It seems like part of a larger trend lately to pathologize men.

They had it, but the world was designed around men so they were able to compensate.
For thousands of years, many women helped their husbands with whatever the family did for a living. Wives caught mistakes that would have been costly and sometimes even secretly ran the entire farm or business. It also helped that people were less strict with time and there was hardly any paper to keep track of.
If men were unsuccessful in one venture, for roughly 500 years at least some had the outlet of immigrating to various colonies or in the US striking out for the West.
Of course, the biggest thing is that people with ADHD are more likely to die in accidents. Without modern medicine to stop bleeding or deal with crush injuries, many young ADHD males died before they could marry and reproduce. After the dawn of the 20th century, many more survived to pass on those genes and then their ADHD male offspring also survived.

LOL. This is the most innovative pseudo-science I have seen on DCUM. I propose renaming ADD "male-ness". Symptoms are having a penis and doing anything that annoys your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s funny how for thousands of years, men didn’t have ADHD. Suddenly, in the last 20 years, 70% of the men in DC have it. It seems like part of a larger trend lately to pathologize men.

They had it, but the world was designed around men so they were able to compensate.
For thousands of years, many women helped their husbands with whatever the family did for a living. Wives caught mistakes that would have been costly and sometimes even secretly ran the entire farm or business. It also helped that people were less strict with time and there was hardly any paper to keep track of.
If men were unsuccessful in one venture, for roughly 500 years at least some had the outlet of immigrating to various colonies or in the US striking out for the West.
Of course, the biggest thing is that people with ADHD are more likely to die in accidents. Without modern medicine to stop bleeding or deal with crush injuries, many young ADHD males died before they could marry and reproduce. After the dawn of the 20th century, many more survived to pass on those genes and then their ADHD male offspring also survived.

LOL. This is the most innovative pseudo-science I have seen on DCUM. I propose renaming ADD "male-ness". Symptoms are having a penis and doing anything that annoys your wife.

Another symptom is refusing to accept anything is wrong with yourself despite all the evidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s funny how for thousands of years, men didn’t have ADHD. Suddenly, in the last 20 years, 70% of the men in DC have it. It seems like part of a larger trend lately to pathologize men.

They had it, but the world was designed around men so they were able to compensate.
For thousands of years, many women helped their husbands with whatever the family did for a living. Wives caught mistakes that would have been costly and sometimes even secretly ran the entire farm or business. It also helped that people were less strict with time and there was hardly any paper to keep track of.
If men were unsuccessful in one venture, for roughly 500 years at least some had the outlet of immigrating to various colonies or in the US striking out for the West.
Of course, the biggest thing is that people with ADHD are more likely to die in accidents. Without modern medicine to stop bleeding or deal with crush injuries, many young ADHD males died before they could marry and reproduce. After the dawn of the 20th century, many more survived to pass on those genes and then their ADHD male offspring also survived.

LOL. This is the most innovative pseudo-science I have seen on DCUM. I propose renaming ADD "male-ness". Symptoms are having a penis and doing anything that annoys your wife.

Time to stop with the stupid jokes. For people with ADHD and their spouses, it’s very real.

Another very real pathology is constantly whining about your place in life and blaming other people. Symptoms include hating women and joining the MRA (among other symptoms).

[Anonymous]

OP here. He ghosted me, so I guess it doesn’t matter.

[Anonymous]

I’ll buy you a drink or two to celebrate. Date full functioning adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll buy you a drink or two to celebrate. Date full functioning adults.

LOL! I will take you up on it. He was the best of the batch, in that at least he was actually single! It is gruesome out there, folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s funny how for thousands of years, men didn’t have ADHD. Suddenly, in the last 20 years, 70% of the men in DC have it. It seems like part of a larger trend lately to pathologize men.

They probably always had it. Women were able to work around it because they were home and running the household. Now, women work and need their husbands to step up to the plate at many of the tasks women are better wired for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s funny how for thousands of years, men didn’t have ADHD. Suddenly, in the last 20 years, 70% of the men in DC have it. It seems like part of a larger trend lately to pathologize men.

They probably always had it. Women were able to work around it because they were home and running the household. Now, women work and need their husbands to step up to the plate at many of the tasks women are better wired for.

Funny how a gender with ADD was able to create science, art, technology, architecture, and every large-scale complex system in human history. I guess all that stuff was created by a mysterious process of "women working around it".