Reply to Dating someone with ADD

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd say that somebody with ADD who wants to be dating you isn't going to forget your dates.  That's not how ADD usually works.  And people with ADD are just like those with other illness issues. We shouldn't be given a pass for not doing the most basic things, like showing up for events we care about.  Also, he should be taking responsibility for managing his ADD.  That means he should have his phone set to ring 15 minutes before he has to leave for his date/event and then another one 5 minutes before, in case someone calls or his dog wants to be let out or whatever other distraction might arise.  He should be faithfully using a written planner and should have trained himself to look around to make sure he doesn't leave it behind EVERY time he moves to a different space.  The schedule should preferably be kept in a bag with a strap so it can't be forgotten when he gets called away and gets excited/interested in something.  His keychain should have a cord to connect it to his jacket pocket or his satchel.  His phone should always be set to "location on" and activated for "find my phone" apps. If he's not doing these basic things, he isn't behaving like a grown ass man who happens to have ADD, IMO.  Adults who don't take similar measures give everyone else with ADD a bad name.  FWIW my ex H is the exact opposite of someone with ADD but he couldn't and wouldn't plan a date to save his life.  Don't write someone off because they have an issue so long as he is enthusiastically working to minimize its negative impact on his life.  [/quote]

You’re expecting someone with ADHD to realize he can and should do these things. Not all people with ADHD are that self aware and have those coping mechanisms. Does my ex know he needs to be on time because otherwise he will miss the first act of DD’s play? Of course! Will he remember to do ALL of the following: buy his ticket before online sales stop, put the ticket where he won’t lose it, put the date and time in his phone, charge his phone so it won’t die an hour before the event and he misses the reminder, gas up his car earlier in the day so he can make it there? Hell, no! And the saddest part is that he really does want to be there. Even if I do or remind all those things for him, there’s a good chance that he plans to buy flowers and locks his keys in the car at Giant on his way and he’ll miss it the whole thing waiting for the tow truck.[/quote]

I'm with the first poster. Set alarms on the phone, make checklists, use tile finders, apps, whatever helps. I would rather be with someone who has learned from repeated mistakes that he should be pro-active. Surely by this point in life grown adults are aware of their shortcomings. Not doing anything about it indicates selfishness. If you at least try and inevitably still screw up, you get a pass. [/quote]

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