Dating someone with ADD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m starting to think that most of the “ADD” here is just how male brains work. In modern times, people are in denial about how much men and woman evolved to handle different aspects of life. American women have been duped into the “men and women are basically the same” delusion and they drives themselves (and their husbands) crazy when their husband’s inevitably don’t handle the housework like they do.

ADD is not about forgetting to do obvious housework or your share. It's about forgetting about conversations, decisions, what to do. It's about walking around the house with horse blinders on to anyone talking to you or anything that needs attending to. It's about saying you'll do something and then not doing it at home and at work. It's about losing track of time every single morning or weekend. It's about never planning a trip or day or event in a logical way - just check the box. It's about losing your parked car, keys, phone, wallet on a weekly basis. It's about eating frozen pizza every single night when your spouse is traveling because it's too much brain power to meal plan, cook, clean, think. It's about asking a question at a group dinner three times in a row to questions/answers that were just discussed because you can't pay attention. Or on the hyper side, it's about talking a mile a minute with no filter - all the time.

After a few years of someone (usually a spouse or boss) noticing, then the anxiety, depression, passive aggressiveness, and anger sets in. Usually they were like that growing up, but their Mom made their life uber-simple: Just study and get got grades. No chores, No sports, No ECs, No trips, No big house, No lots of stuff, No responsibilities. Just simple dimple.

This is my MIL, SIL and BIL - combined with anxiety. Good times. OP, if you don't have to go down this road, don't.

[Anonymous]

If he's having trouble following through on making plans, the issue isn't ADD - he's just not that into you. I have ADD, and so does my son. We are both medicated for it. We can follow through and concentrate on things that are of interest to us. In fact, we hyperfocus on them. Things that are of less interest, however, are difficult to focus on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Inattentive type. He's just switched meds. Is this hopeless? He does seem to have problems following through with planning dates and such. When we are together the chemistry is amazing, so hard to give that up!

https://www.additudemag.com/forums/topic/if-you-could-go-back-in-time-and-do-it-all-over-again-would-you/

the comments here are unfortunately, spot on.

no, I would never sign up for this again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he's having trouble following through on making plans, the issue isn't ADD - he's just not that into you. I have ADD, and so does my son. We are both medicated for it. We can follow through and concentrate on things that are of interest to us. In fact, we hyperfocus on them. Things that are of less interest, however, are difficult to focus on.

Same with my spouse, FIL and BIL. Guess what? They can only hyper focus on two things in life THEY CHOOSE at remotely the same time: Usually their eating and their office work or nutty professor stuff.
Forget about the kids, house, yard, birthdays, social plans, spouse, trips. Adult life is more than a single hyper focus. I'm sorry to see you have an entitled attitude of thinking it's cool how you can "follow through on stuff of interest to you." How convenient. And subjective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he's having trouble following through on making plans, the issue isn't ADD - he's just not that into you. I have ADD, and so does my son. We are both medicated for it. We can follow through and concentrate on things that are of interest to us. In fact, we hyperfocus on them. Things that are of less interest, however, are difficult to focus on.

I love how people say it's so cool that you can block out the rest of the world and all other responsibilities in order to focus on only one thing that interests you.
Like we're all Elon Musk or Steve Jobs ADHD'ers. If you just leave us alone and do everything for us, we'll invent some cool stuff.

Thank goodness they were born in a modern society where a tiger wouldn't eat them up whilst they fiddle on their iPhone dreaming up their next $5B R&D project and ignore their wife, kids and employees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's having trouble following through on making plans, the issue isn't ADD - he's just not that into you. I have ADD, and so does my son. We are both medicated for it. We can follow through and concentrate on things that are of interest to us. In fact, we hyperfocus on them. Things that are of less interest, however, are difficult to focus on.

I love how people say it's so cool that you can block out the rest of the world and all other responsibilities in order to focus on only one thing that interests you.
Like we're all Elon Musk or Steve Jobs ADHD'ers. If you just leave us alone and do everything for us, we'll invent some cool stuff.

Thank goodness they were born in a modern society where a tiger wouldn't eat them up whilst they fiddle on their iPhone dreaming up their next $5B R&D project and ignore their wife, kids and employees.

DP. I don’t think ADHD pp the as saying it’s “cool” that she can hyperfocus, or that she feels somehow entitled to it. To me, her post reads as a simple statement of fact.

[Anonymous]

OP again. He also has PTSD. ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. He also has PTSD. ?

ADD is bad enough in a grown person, OP. You have the info you need, and you need to run, not walk.

[Anonymous]

If he's having trouble following through on making plans, the issue isn't ADD - he's just not that into you. I have ADD, and so does my son. We are both medicated for it. We can follow through and concentrate on things that are of interest to us. In fact, we hyperfocus on them. Things that are of less interest, however, are difficult to focus on.


Same with my spouse, FIL and BIL. Guess what? They can only hyper focus on two things in life THEY CHOOSE at remotely the same time: Usually their eating and their office work or nutty professor stuff.
Forget about the kids, house, yard, birthdays, social plans, spouse, trips. Adult life is more than a single hyper focus. I'm sorry to see you have an entitled attitude of thinking it's cool how you can "follow through on stuff of interest to you." How convenient. And subjective.

I'm sorry to see that you are so angry, but I'm not sure why it is directed at me. My family interests me greatly, and I always follow through on things like birthdays, play dates for the kids, social engagements with my spouse. The house and yard absolutely do not interest me. However, DH enjoys yard work, and we are fortunate enough to be able to hire help around the house.

[Anonymous]

It always seems like women with adhd get diagnosed and out effort into managing their symptoms. The men do none of that.

op, you should be elated he fell off the planet, take yourself on a beach weekend and celebrate being rid of mental disorder people. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inattentive type. He's just switched meds. Is this hopeless? He does seem to have problems following through with planning dates and such. When we are together the chemistry is amazing, so hard to give that up!

https://www.additudemag.com/forums/topic/if-you-could-go-back-in-time-and-do-it-all-over-again-would-you/

the comments here are unfortunately, spot on.

no, I would never sign up for this again.

+1