Dating someone with ADD
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Anonymous
Inattentive type. He's just switched meds. Is this hopeless? He does seem to have problems following through with planning dates and such. When we are together the chemistry is amazing, so hard to give that up! 
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Anonymous
| Really depends on how invested you are. A lot of people have ADD and it can certainly cause problems. However, is it any different from any other problem that someone else might bring to the table? Everything requires some sort of sacrifice and nothing worth having is easy. You should think about whether or not the good outweighs the bad and if the problems you see today are something you can live with. |
Anonymous
| Everyone has issues. ADD seems to be getting a disproportionate amount of attention lately. |
Anonymous
| I don't care, except that it is hard to tell how into me he is when he's always canceling plans or failing to follow through. |
Anonymous
| I would stay clear if you are thinking of having kids. If you are not, then just enjoy him and his quirks. However, the problems with ADHD become exacerbated when you have a child and it is highly likely that the child will also have ADHD. |
Anonymous
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Have fun but don't marry him, let alone have kids with him.
I married one, and it's super hard because he's either routinely late and missing important deadlines (unpaid taxes, bills, missing flights) or angry that I'm reminding him and trying to micromanage. Not only that, my son has severe ADHD as a result. So don't do this to yourself. |
Anonymous
We are divorced and have adult children. |
Anonymous
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Are you dating my ex? Inattentive ADD, in his 50s with adult kids (ours), previous meds weren’t working all that well.
He can be very sweet and generally means well. But he gets resentful fast if you try to do the organizing and remind him (this is a common dynamic in relationships where one partner has ADD). Also, he’s quite manipulative. Things might be a bit easier if you’re not juggling kids with him. |
Anonymous
No, I don't think so! His ex is out of state. So, if he makes a date in advance, and I don't hear from him about it, is it going to piss him off if I remind him? Ugh. |
Anonymous
It might and it might not—depends on the guy. Remember, though, that people with ADD have spent their lives coming up short re other peoples’ expectations, and the result is that some (not all) of them pretty defensive. |
Anonymous
| Date or marry only if you are happy organizing every little detail for the rest of your life. It’s like having a mother kid. That said ADHD are a lot of fun to be around due to spontaneity. |
Anonymous
| I'd say that somebody with ADD who wants to be dating you isn't going to forget your dates. That's not how ADD usually works. And people with ADD are just like those with other illness issues. We shouldn't be given a pass for not doing the most basic things, like showing up for events we care about. Also, he should be taking responsibility for managing his ADD. That means he should have his phone set to ring 15 minutes before he has to leave for his date/event and then another one 5 minutes before, in case someone calls or his dog wants to be let out or whatever other distraction might arise. He should be faithfully using a written planner and should have trained himself to look around to make sure he doesn't leave it behind EVERY time he moves to a different space. The schedule should preferably be kept in a bag with a strap so it can't be forgotten when he gets called away and gets excited/interested in something. His keychain should have a cord to connect it to his jacket pocket or his satchel. His phone should always be set to "location on" and activated for "find my phone" apps. If he's not doing these basic things, he isn't behaving like a grown ass man who happens to have ADD, IMO. Adults who don't take similar measures give everyone else with ADD a bad name. FWIW my ex H is the exact opposite of someone with ADD but he couldn't and wouldn't plan a date to save his life. Don't write someone off because they have an issue so long as he is enthusiastically working to minimize its negative impact on his life. |
Anonymous
+1 mil Married him. Had DC. Divorced. Still his secretary although we’ve both remarried. Why? Because DD is still a minor and needs me to support her dad so she doesn’t suffer. DH jokes that on DD’s wedding day, I’ll make sure XH is awake and at the church on time. |
Anonymous
You’re expecting someone with ADHD to realize he can and should do these things. Not all people with ADHD are that self aware and have those coping mechanisms. Does my ex know he needs to be on time because otherwise he will miss the first act of DD’s play? Of course! Will he remember to do ALL of the following: buy his ticket before online sales stop, put the ticket where he won’t lose it, put the date and time in his phone, charge his phone so it won’t die an hour before the event and he misses the reminder, gas up his car earlier in the day so he can make it there? Hell, no! And the saddest part is that he really does want to be there. Even if I do or remind all those things for him, there’s a good chance that he plans to buy flowers and locks his keys in the car at Giant on his way and he’ll miss it the whole thing waiting for the tow truck. |
Anonymous
I wouldn't. But this is one case where if, down the line, you live together and have busier more multi-faceted lives, then you'd see what he can handle. that said, if he has already hit the walk just scheduling or remembering when dates are, forget it. Move on. not marriage materials -- unless you're the sAHM type with family money. SO you wouldn't need to count on him for much anyhow. |