A question for SAHM's - would you be annoyed if your husband came home for lunch 4 days per week?

[Anonymous]

Tell him you'd both love to see him, but he needs to avoid son's nap time. It's not acceptable that he would choose to wake up his son.

Tell him you can text him when the son wakes up. Oh, and give him a fixed set of toys he can play with. No giving something without checking with you first. It's not fair to bring out playdoh and then leave the other parent to clean up the mess.

P.S. My DH works from home, and has done that since our first was born. (I'm now third tri with our third.) It works for us. But he'd never make mess with the kids and then leave me to deal with it, and he even arranges his work schedule around the kids naps. Basic consideration goes a long way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soon to be dad here. I plan on stopping by during lunch breaks to see the wife and soon to be kiddo. I would assume the wife would love to see me at home helping change a diaper, feed, or play with the little one, but this post has got me thinking! Maybe moms that have given birth recently, don't want too much contact with their hubs?

PP, how old are you? I don't think I'm that old but I don't know a single dad that would say "the wife" and "kiddo" and "hubs"...

+1...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the same poster whose husband was being difficult about finding a new apartment—something about how it needed to be close to your church and maybe his work too? Did you say that he comes home to poop at lunch? If I’m getting even a fraction of this right, he seems pretty annoying, and I feel for you.

OP here: Yes I did post about that. We did not move to another apartment because we could not agree on where to move. My husband instituted that we move but then when the time came he didn't like any of the choices. I spent SO much time researching, touring apartments etc. So many of my days were wasted going on tours and taking a child with you is NOT fun.

[Anonymous]

You are not crazy to want that alone time op. Especially if you are a loner like me and need that downtime to recharge.

I totally get what youre saying...
He's disrupting your alone time
Disrupting your you and your child's schedule
Disrupting downtime
Creating additional household chores for you to manage

I get it But I do not think you handled the situation well in terms of communicating to him what your specific concerns are with him coming home. If I were you I'd ask to speak with him to apologize for blowing up and then go on to explain what is causing you frustration.

Just snapping at him and saying don't come home is not good. It communicates the wrong message and indicates that you don't want him around. FYI there are tons of pretty young pleasant girls circling in the workplace ready to pounce and I'd much prefer my DH coming home to be w family during lunch vs having lunch with his pretty young female coworkers. It's both of your homes and it seems like he sees it as a place of respite from the chaotic world. Don't push him away. Instead try to create a welcoming environment for him to come home to.

[Anonymous]

DH should not come home during the day. His job is to go to work and earn the money. He should not be interrupting your life.

[Anonymous]

I would have loved that! He just wants to see his kid. adjust his nap schedule and let it be special that Dad is coming home for lunch. Focus on building a strong relationship with your child and who cares about cleaning or cooking until he has a nap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soon to be dad here. I plan on stopping by during lunch breaks to see the wife and soon to be kiddo. I would assume the wife would love to see me at home helping change a diaper, feed, or play with the little one, but this post has got me thinking! Maybe moms that have given birth recently, don't want too much contact with their hubs?

When the child is a baby, I think it's a fine idea if you can swing it. I'd say it's harder when the child is older, like op's child's age, because transitions get more difficult, and stopping by for 15 minutes can be incredibly disruptive. I've done the WAH thing, and I can see why op is having a hard time with it. I had sitters to look after my kids while I worked, and I know popping in for 15 minutes would have been far more trouble than it was worth at that age.

This is so stupid. The kid will survive even if daddy comes home 4x a week for lunch break. Psycho DCUMers!

I think OP has a good point. I don't think it's healthy to see your spouse everyday for lunch. You need time away from each other. It sounds like they spend too much time together. And also as a first time mom you need to have some independence. Help your wife feel like she can do it on her own.

Noted. If this is true, than the OP and I are similar in that my wife and I are pretty close, and do spend a lot of time together. There are times when we do our thing with our friends, but with the recent pregnancy and our jobs, we tend to stay home and do things together. Even going to the gym or grocery shopping is done on weekends on our time. I'll def try to give her space once the little one is around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH should not come home during the day. His job is to go to work and earn the money. He should not be interrupting your life.

OP here: Lol. This is so funny.

[Anonymous]

My husband comes home for lunch. Our son is 11 months old. On one hand I like seeing my husband and it’s nice to have a quick break while someone else watches the baby. On the other hand, it can be a pain making lunch (on top of making breakfast and dinner). Sometimes it’s nice to just eat whatever is in the fridge and not worrry about making something for my husband. Sometimes my husband wakes the baby up from his nap. My baby sleeps at random times though, so it’s hard to predict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH should not come home during the day. His job is to go to work and earn the money. He should not be interrupting your life.

OP here: Lol. This is so funny.

Yea, made me laugh too. We have comedians in the audience!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband comes home for lunch. Our son is 11 months old. On one hand I like seeing my husband and it’s nice to have a quick break while someone else watches the baby. On the other hand, it can be a pain making lunch (on top of making breakfast and dinner). Sometimes it’s nice to just eat whatever is in the fridge and not worrry about making something for my husband. Sometimes my husband wakes the baby up from his nap. My baby sleeps at random times though, so it’s hard to predict.

So don't make him anything. He's an adult, he can make his own lunch.

It seems like a huge part of the problem is the pressure women put on themselves. Men don't give a crap how clean the house is or if you make them lunch. They just want a few minutes with the family they love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the same poster whose husband was being difficult about finding a new apartment—something about how it needed to be close to your church and maybe his work too? Did you say that he comes home to poop at lunch? If I’m getting even a fraction of this right, he seems pretty annoying, and I feel for you.

Well, here's your answer why he's coming home. The man needs to poop in peace. Let him, pooping at work sucks.

[Anonymous]

My husband promised he would not do that. He did. Could not stand it. I was working from home with a nanny but him coming home at lunch was really disruptive and annoying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soon to be dad here. I plan on stopping by during lunch breaks to see the wife and soon to be kiddo. I would assume the wife would love to see me at home helping change a diaper, feed, or play with the little one, but this post has got me thinking! Maybe moms that have given birth recently, don't want too much contact with their hubs?

When the child is a baby, I think it's a fine idea if you can swing it. I'd say it's harder when the child is older, like op's child's age, because transitions get more difficult, and stopping by for 15 minutes can be incredibly disruptive. I've done the WAH thing, and I can see why op is having a hard time with it. I had sitters to look after my kids while I worked, and I know popping in for 15 minutes would have been far more trouble than it was worth at that age.

This is so stupid. The kid will survive even if daddy comes home 4x a week for lunch break. Psycho DCUMers!

I think OP has a good point. I don't think it's healthy to see your spouse everyday for lunch. You need time away from each other. It sounds like they spend too much time together. And also as a first time mom you need to have some independence. Help your wife feel like she can do it on her own.

Noted. If this is true, than the OP and I are similar in that my wife and I are pretty close, and do spend a lot of time together. There are times when we do our thing with our friends, but with the recent pregnancy and our jobs, we tend to stay home and do things together. Even going to the gym or grocery shopping is done on weekends on our time. I'll def try to give her space once the little one is around.

OP here: I spend almost ALL of my time with my husband and son. I have a hard time leaving my son. I want to do a lot of things as a family on the weekend. My husband doesn't seem to mind being around me all the time. He doesn't go to the gym or need alone time. He does really like spending time at home. I want to go to the gym in the evening but lately I feel so tired at night. I stay home most of the time. It was a lot easier when my son was a baby. I had a lot more energy to go out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He wants to see his son. He has just as much right to see his son as you. You are staying at home because you want to see your son.

+1

I can understand being frustrated if naptime is being affected, but why not just ask your husband if you can't time lunch so it's not an issue? I stayed home for five years and my kids would have loved to have daddy pop in during lunchtime but he worked too far from home for that to be possible.