A question for SAHM's - would you be annoyed if your husband came home for lunch 4 days per week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband comes home for lunch. Our son is 11 months old. On one hand I like seeing my husband and it’s nice to have a quick break while someone else watches the baby. On the other hand, it can be a pain making lunch (on top of making breakfast and dinner). Sometimes it’s nice to just eat whatever is in the fridge and not worrry about making something for my husband. Sometimes my husband wakes the baby up from his nap. My baby sleeps at random times though, so it’s hard to predict.

So don't make him anything. He's an adult, he can make his own lunch.

It seems like a huge part of the problem is the pressure women put on themselves. Men don't give a crap how clean the house is or if you make them lunch. They just want a few minutes with the family they love.

True. I wouldn't give a hoots ass if the entire house was in disarray. I'd only swing by to bring lunch, help out, and/or spend time with the fam.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. Honestly, upon hearing this my first reaction is umm are you crazy, I would LOVE that. Would love for the kids to get to see him midday and/or (even moreso), if it was naptime, for us to have a little alone time during the day to have lunch together. But then I read he's only staying for 15 minutes? That seems a little odd - I mean, if your issue is that he's disrupting your alone time (and I agree that naptime may well be your only downtime) then I guess shorter is better no?

Is the concern that you feel like he's checking up on your or something? Does he expect you to have lunch prepared for him? What is his demeanor when he walks in the door - is he making criticizing comments about the state of the house or "what you've been up to"? Honestly our house tends to become kind of a disaster area when we're home during the day, then I straighten up in the late afternoon - so if my husband came in at lunchtime things would not be orderly. He, however, wouldn't care and I maintain that as long as he was (generally) coming in in a good mood, pleasant and willing to engage with the kids etc, this would feel like such a treat. FTR I do agree that him coming in and waking the baby up is an issue; if he wasn't willing to take steps to work on avoiding that I would definitely feel resentful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soon to be dad here. I plan on stopping by during lunch breaks to see the wife and soon to be kiddo. I would assume the wife would love to see me at home helping change a diaper, feed, or play with the little one, but this post has got me thinking! Maybe moms that have given birth recently, don't want too much contact with their hubs?

When the child is a baby, I think it's a fine idea if you can swing it. I'd say it's harder when the child is older, like op's child's age, because transitions get more difficult, and stopping by for 15 minutes can be incredibly disruptive. I've done the WAH thing, and I can see why op is having a hard time with it. I had sitters to look after my kids while I worked, and I know popping in for 15 minutes would have been far more trouble than it was worth at that age.

This is so stupid. The kid will survive even if daddy comes home 4x a week for lunch break. Psycho DCUMers!

I think OP has a good point. I don't think it's healthy to see your spouse everyday for lunch. You need time away from each other. It sounds like they spend too much time together. And also as a first time mom you need to have some independence. Help your wife feel like she can do it on her own.

Noted. If this is true, than the OP and I are similar in that my wife and I are pretty close, and do spend a lot of time together. There are times when we do our thing with our friends, but with the recent pregnancy and our jobs, we tend to stay home and do things together. Even going to the gym or grocery shopping is done on weekends on our time. I'll def try to give her space once the little one is around.

OP here: I spend almost ALL of my time with my husband and son. I have a hard time leaving my son. I want to do a lot of things as a family on the weekend. My husband doesn't seem to mind being around me all the time. He doesn't go to the gym or need alone time. He does really like spending time at home. I want to go to the gym in the evening but lately I feel so tired at night. I stay home most of the time. It was a lot easier when my son was a baby. I had a lot more energy to go out.

Because he's not taking care of a whiny 3 year old full time. Force yourself to take a break from your family OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soon to be dad here. I plan on stopping by during lunch breaks to see the wife and soon to be kiddo. I would assume the wife would love to see me at home helping change a diaper, feed, or play with the little one, but this post has got me thinking! Maybe moms that have given birth recently, don't want too much contact with their hubs?

When the child is a baby, I think it's a fine idea if you can swing it. I'd say it's harder when the child is older, like op's child's age, because transitions get more difficult, and stopping by for 15 minutes can be incredibly disruptive. I've done the WAH thing, and I can see why op is having a hard time with it. I had sitters to look after my kids while I worked, and I know popping in for 15 minutes would have been far more trouble than it was worth at that age.

This is so stupid. The kid will survive even if daddy comes home 4x a week for lunch break. Psycho DCUMers!

I think OP has a good point. I don't think it's healthy to see your spouse everyday for lunch. You need time away from each other. It sounds like they spend too much time together. And also as a first time mom you need to have some independence. Help your wife feel like she can do it on her own.

Noted. If this is true, than the OP and I are similar in that my wife and I are pretty close, and do spend a lot of time together. There are times when we do our thing with our friends, but with the recent pregnancy and our jobs, we tend to stay home and do things together. Even going to the gym or grocery shopping is done on weekends on our time. I'll def try to give her space once the little one is around.

OP here: I spend almost ALL of my time with my husband and son. I have a hard time leaving my son. I want to do a lot of things as a family on the weekend. My husband doesn't seem to mind being around me all the time. He doesn't go to the gym or need alone time. He does really like spending time at home. I want to go to the gym in the evening but lately I feel so tired at night. I stay home most of the time. It was a lot easier when my son was a baby. I had a lot more energy to go out.

Because he's not taking care of a whiny 3 year old full time. Force yourself to take a break from your family OP.

This! Please do not underestimate how draining that is on you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soon to be dad here. I plan on stopping by during lunch breaks to see the wife and soon to be kiddo. I would assume the wife would love to see me at home helping change a diaper, feed, or play with the little one, but this post has got me thinking! Maybe moms that have given birth recently, don't want too much contact with their hubs?

When the child is a baby, I think it's a fine idea if you can swing it. I'd say it's harder when the child is older, like op's child's age, because transitions get more difficult, and stopping by for 15 minutes can be incredibly disruptive. I've done the WAH thing, and I can see why op is having a hard time with it. I had sitters to look after my kids while I worked, and I know popping in for 15 minutes would have been far more trouble than it was worth at that age.

This is so stupid. The kid will survive even if daddy comes home 4x a week for lunch break. Psycho DCUMers!

I think OP has a good point. I don't think it's healthy to see your spouse everyday for lunch. You need time away from each other. It sounds like they spend too much time together. And also as a first time mom you need to have some independence. Help your wife feel like she can do it on her own.

Noted. If this is true, than the OP and I are similar in that my wife and I are pretty close, and do spend a lot of time together. There are times when we do our thing with our friends, but with the recent pregnancy and our jobs, we tend to stay home and do things together. Even going to the gym or grocery shopping is done on weekends on our time. I'll def try to give her space once the little one is around.

OP here: I spend almost ALL of my time with my husband and son. I have a hard time leaving my son. I want to do a lot of things as a family on the weekend. My husband doesn't seem to mind being around me all the time. He doesn't go to the gym or need alone time. He does really like spending time at home. I want to go to the gym in the evening but lately I feel so tired at night. I stay home most of the time. It was a lot easier when my son was a baby. I had a lot more energy to go out.

OP- seems like you have a lot on your plate. All I can say is maybe you should chat with your husband about your situation. I don't think he'll be offended, and will prob make an adjustment. As a husband, I wouldn't be offended, and would only try to make her life a little less stressful. I get that being a SAHM is a tough position, and would totally understand your point.

[Anonymous]

No, I would not be annoyed. I would like to think my husband would feel welcome in our home. You are almost at the point your son will no longer nap in the afternoon. At that time, I would make a quiet time rest period, after daddy leaves - whatever that time might be.

Focus on the positives and count your blessings. You have a husband that wants to come home to you, and spend time with you.

[Anonymous]

WHO CARES what other people think? They are not you and most of the people who say they wouldn't be annoyed have never experienced what your's going through.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you go to the gym/brisk walk/exercise when your DH comes home for the lunch break? That would seem like a win-win for everyone

[Anonymous]

This is the annoying pooper husband. He is coming home to poop. OP do you make his lunch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you go to the gym/brisk walk/exercise when your DH comes home for the lunch break? That would seem like a win-win for everyone

OP here. That would be amazing but he only comes home for 15-20 minutes!

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your husband actually enjoys spending time with you and your son. It may not always be convenient but it’s very sweet and a sign that he is very committed. It doesn’t sound like you like his company though.

The first 10 years of my marriage I would offer to come down to DHs office periodically to have lunch and he almost always said no. It wasn’t like I was asking daily. Maybe once a month at most. When my DS had a music class on the same block as his office I remember asking him each week if he’d like to have lunch with us. He always said no. I finally gave up asking. I feel for your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soon to be dad here. I plan on stopping by during lunch breaks to see the wife and soon to be kiddo. I would assume the wife would love to see me at home helping change a diaper, feed, or play with the little one, but this post has got me thinking! Maybe moms that have given birth recently, don't want too much contact with their hubs?

When the child is a baby, I think it's a fine idea if you can swing it. I'd say it's harder when the child is older, like op's child's age, because transitions get more difficult, and stopping by for 15 minutes can be incredibly disruptive. I've done the WAH thing, and I can see why op is having a hard time with it. I had sitters to look after my kids while I worked, and I know popping in for 15 minutes would have been far more trouble than it was worth at that age.

This is so stupid. The kid will survive even if daddy comes home 4x a week for lunch break. Psycho DCUMers!

I think OP has a good point. I don't think it's healthy to see your spouse everyday for lunch. You need time away from each other. It sounds like they spend too much time together. And also as a first time mom you need to have some independence. Help your wife feel like she can do it on her own.

Noted. If this is true, than the OP and I are similar in that my wife and I are pretty close, and do spend a lot of time together. There are times when we do our thing with our friends, but with the recent pregnancy and our jobs, we tend to stay home and do things together. Even going to the gym or grocery shopping is done on weekends on our time. I'll def try to give her space once the little one is around.

OP here: I spend almost ALL of my time with my husband and son. I have a hard time leaving my son. I want to do a lot of things as a family on the weekend. My husband doesn't seem to mind being around me all the time. He doesn't go to the gym or need alone time. He does really like spending time at home. I want to go to the gym in the evening but lately I feel so tired at night. I stay home most of the time. It was a lot easier when my son was a baby. I had a lot more energy to go out.

OP, you need some alone time. My DH is like yours- he needs no alone time- but I crave it. Even nap time doesn't count because I'm still stuck in the house.

Figure out something you can do on the weekend- take a class, go to the gym, read a book at a coffeeshop, whatever. It's not good for anyone in your family for you to be so attached to your son, and it's *so* good for men to have time alone with their child to bond and build their confidence in childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the annoying pooper husband. He is coming home to poop. OP do you make his lunch?

...you may be onto something with this. OP?

[Anonymous]

I think the issue is not that he comes home for lunch, but that you seem to prioritize everyone else’s needs above your own. If you were taking care of yourself you might enjoy being around your husband at lunchtime instead of feeling stressed.

[Anonymous]

He’s only coming home for 15 minutes and at nap time. That would be annoying as hell.