What if you don’t have a gifted, very smart kid?

[Anonymous]

Um she is 3. Wtf.

Also, op, low tone/hypotonia significant enough to warrant therapy doesn’t travel alone usually. Occasionally. Not often. Watch for adhd or other learning issues. Plenty of learning disabled kids are also gifted btw. Average is actually the ideal for some things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I torture myself by reading the threads about giftedness, and live in a district where I know to a certainty that other parents are doing workbooks with their 3 and 4 year olds. My Larla has never evinced a gift for anything, but she is social and sweet - awful at moments, because, you know, 3. We had her in EI for hypotonia and she has no therapies any more. No SNs.

But now I’m in the “now what?” mentality. Both DH and I heard all over our childhoods how smart we are. Truth is, I’m not, just highly verbal. I get that life is much more about peace, joy, and integrity of effort than “gifts” even as I’ve repeatedly failed to hew to that in thought and deed. I’m worried that being around “my peers,” a well-off neoliberal crew where everyone has grad degrees and salaries, or SAH like me despite the education, will crush me. I don’t see
a future Misty Copeland or Mark Zuckerberg when I see my sweet girl. And my peers are always bragging. Those with older kids, and are just normal decent humane humans, how did you deal? I need pointers, mantras, books, anything.

Op,

First emotional iq is way more important to success in life than iq.
Second Mark Zuckerberg is just a lucky duche bag. He's a social misfit ultimately responsible for meddling in the us election by Russian trolls and fomenting genocide (rohingya crisis). Seriously it's like envying Harvey Weinstein.

Third, EI doesn't diagnose. I don't know if your kid has LDs but low tone often goes hand in hand with them. Get her assessed privately at 6. Don't rely on the public school.

Lastly, most of the "gifted" posters are full of it. Smart ass know it alls don't lead happy lives. Just enjoy the wonderful little person you brought into this world. Most of us are average, so welcome to the tribe.

[Anonymous]

Also OP, as a mother of a dd with hypotonia and EI interventions, I did a lot of shifting my focus to dd’s ‘inchstones’ as opposed to ‘milestones.’ I don’t let the adage ‘hypotonia doesn’t travel alone’ too far out of my mind, so I focus on appreciating my dd for who she is and where she is and what her successes are—even if that’s pulling to stand at 13 months as opposed to when she’s “supposed” to.

So as a mom with a low-tone baby to another, dang! Let her live! Your dd had to work harder than most other kids her age just to sit, crawl, stand, walk, move—THAT in and of itself is just tremendous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I torture myself by reading the threads about giftedness, and live in a district where I know to a certainty that other parents are doing workbooks with their 3 and 4 year olds. My Larla has never evinced a gift for anything, but she is social and sweet - awful at moments, because, you know, 3. We had her in EI for hypotonia and she has no therapies any more. No SNs.

But now I’m in the “now what?” mentality. Both DH and I heard all over our childhoods how smart we are. Truth is, I’m not, just highly verbal. I get that life is much more about peace, joy, and integrity of effort than “gifts” even as I’ve repeatedly failed to hew to that in thought and deed. I’m worried that being around “my peers,” a well-off neoliberal crew where everyone has grad degrees and salaries, or SAH like me despite the education, will crush me. I don’t see
a future Misty Copeland or Mark Zuckerberg when I see my sweet girl. And my peers are always bragging. Those with older kids, and are just normal decent humane humans, how did you deal? I need pointers, mantras, books, anything.

First of all, your child has a gift. She is gifted in many ways, some of them is known to you, some not yet. Been social and sweet is a gift that many people can't master even when they grow up (despite all the books they read or classes they take).
Second, stop comparing your child to other children. You don't know the whole story there.
And the third, stop saying that your child never going to be a future Misty or Mark. Start believing in her. She may get much further then Misty or Mark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you for real OP? I mean this has to be a troll! Love the kid you have, the sweet, three year old girl! She might be a genius or not, no way to know now. What we do know is that you are so full of projecting and wish you had a different child!What we also know is that you are deeply insecure and incapable of loving your child unless that child is baby Einstein! If you are not a troll you should be ashamed of yourself.

FWIW - I don't think the OP is a troll at all, just dealing with some normal feelings and pressures (especially in this area). She was simply asking for advice/strategies for dealing with some feelings of inadequacy - which 99% of parents have had on some level, about some aspect of our children. She NEVER said she didn't love her child for God's sake! Where do you get off claiming she's incapable of it? Who do you think you are - being judge, jury, and executioner - telling someone they should be ashamed of themselves?? Its my turn - YOU should be ashamed of yourself for being such a self-righteous, judgmental ass.

[Anonymous]

op here. My DD has been in preschool and so far, seems to fit in just as other kids. You may mean it with kindness but it is heartbreaking and upsetting to have people write multiple tones to watching out for SNs. I would never wriggle that worry into another person.

I am so kind to other people about parenting. So many of you are so casually callous and deliberate in trying to cause pain, and pretend otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here. My DD has been in preschool and so far, seems to fit in just as other kids. You may mean it with kindness but it is heartbreaking and upsetting to have people write multiple tones to watching out for SNs. I would never wriggle that worry into another person.

I am so kind to other people about parenting. So many of you are so casually callous and deliberate in trying to cause pain, and pretend otherwise.

Op, many of us have btdt. We have had kids who have struggled and some much more than your kid has or probably ever will. It’s meant in kindness. No one told us what to look out for and we figured it out after a lot of setbacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cultivate their strengths and support them to challenge themselves, as you would any kid. My kid is 7, and has shown no particular academic prowess. BUT, she's very socially and emotionally aware, has lots of friends, tries hard, has shown a ton of grit mastering physical skills (former low tone preemie), is creative and artistic, can always amuse herself by creating some project.

Tt is hard when the other parents are posting about their kid tearing through Harry Potter, and we are stumbling through Biscuit Goes Camping. I often remind myself that I did my Ph.D. with some of the most high achieving and miserable people you will every meet, and there is so much more to living a good (and even remunerative) life than being super smart.

Thank you so much for this! I appreciate the kindness and thoughtfulness in your response.[/quote

Amen!!! This is my kid and my philosophy!

Btw I think the ditch digger poster was riffing on the gas station attendant poster! I swear, for such a highly educated area so many people are dumb!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here. My DD has been in preschool and so far, seems to fit in just as other kids. You may mean it with kindness but it is heartbreaking and upsetting to have people write multiple tones to watching out for SNs. I would never wriggle that worry into another person.

I am so kind to other people about parenting. So many of you are so casually callous and deliberate in trying to cause pain, and pretend otherwise.

She’s 3, op. All kids blend at 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op here. My DD has been in preschool and so far, seems to fit in just as other kids. You may mean it with kindness but it is heartbreaking and upsetting to have people write multiple tones to watching out for SNs. I would never wriggle that worry into another person.

I am so kind to other people about parenting. So many of you are so casually callous and deliberate in trying to cause pain, and pretend otherwise.

She’s 3, op. All kids blend at 3.

Are you trying to imply that op's kid will have social problems later? I don't see anything that would indicate such. It seems like nobody on the internet has average kids, but most kids are pretty average and average is ok. Average people are successful enough. We are most of the world's population and we get stuff done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you for real OP? I mean this has to be a troll! Love the kid you have, the sweet, three year old girl! She might be a genius or not, no way to know now. What we do know is that you are so full of projecting and wish you had a different child!What we also know is that you are deeply insecure and incapable of loving your child unless that child is baby Einstein! If you are not a troll you should be ashamed of yourself.

FWIW - I don't think the OP is a troll at all, just dealing with some normal feelings and pressures (especially in this area). She was simply asking for advice/strategies for dealing with some feelings of inadequacy - which 99% of parents have had on some level, about some aspect of our children. She NEVER said she didn't love her child for God's sake! Where do you get off claiming she's incapable of it? Who do you think you are - being judge, jury, and executioner - telling someone they should be ashamed of themselves?? Its my turn - YOU should be ashamed of yourself for being such a self-righteous, judgmental ass.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you for real OP? I mean this has to be a troll! Love the kid you have, the sweet, three year old girl! She might be a genius or not, no way to know now. What we do know is that you are so full of projecting and wish you had a different child!What we also know is that you are deeply insecure and incapable of loving your child unless that child is baby Einstein! If you are not a troll you should be ashamed of yourself.

FWIW - I don't think the OP is a troll at all, just dealing with some normal feelings and pressures (especially in this area). She was simply asking for advice/strategies for dealing with some feelings of inadequacy - which 99% of parents have had on some level, about some aspect of our children. She NEVER said she didn't love her child for God's sake! Where do you get off claiming she's incapable of it? Who do you think you are - being judge, jury, and executioner - telling someone they should be ashamed of themselves?? Its my turn - YOU should be ashamed of yourself for being such a self-righteous, judgmental ass.

Thank you.

People have given them. Stop engaging, get some outside perspective, get some therapy. What more would you suggest? It’s not any different in Seattle, New York, LA, Boston, San Fran, btw. This is parenting at a highly educated level. You compare to your peers. But do we all feel crappy because we aren’t as wealthy or as successful? If you do and that consumes you - you get help. You do yoga. You find something. That’s what we are all suggesting.

[Anonymous]

Op, my son goes to a very expensive (sigh) private school for kids with severe issues. We, his parents, are very successful by all accounts, wealthy, in shape and look like we have a “perfect” life from the outside, I guess. We’re also “neoliberals” . All of the parents at my sons schools re similar. Our kids are disabled. And they’re awesome, individual, incredible kids with talents. They might not make a bajillion dollars. They might not be famous. But they’re learning how to learn and love and they’re here, which, for some of them, is a miracle. I can’t imagine having your mentality or dilemma. I will be honest that it rubs me as morally abhorrent.

For the sake of an anecdote, my husband was always considered average at best in high school and randomly tested amazingly on the SAT and had been an incredibly high achiever ever since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The world NEEDS gas station attendants, and Gap store managers, and bank tellers and realtors, and elementary school teachers, and news anchors.

Your kids will be FINE in life. There are TONS of options for them in the world and TONS of people will appreciate them for exactly who they are.

Highly doubt this info will comfort the OP.

Once again DCUM elitism strikes again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, my son goes to a very expensive (sigh) private school for kids with severe issues. We, his parents, are very successful by all accounts, wealthy, in shape and look like we have a “perfect” life from the outside, I guess. We’re also “neoliberals” . All of the parents at my sons schools re similar. Our kids are disabled. And they’re awesome, individual, incredible kids with talents. They might not make a bajillion dollars. They might not be famous. But they’re learning how to learn and love and they’re here, which, for some of them, is a miracle. I can’t imagine having your mentality or dilemma. I will be honest that it rubs me as morally abhorrent.

For the sake of an anecdote, my husband was always considered average at best in high school and randomly tested amazingly on the SAT and had been an incredibly high achiever ever since.

OP is worried about her kid, the same as almost every other poster on DCUM. And you find that morally abhorrent...