What if you don’t have a gifted, very smart kid?

[Anonymous]

My mom was one of 12 kids. My aunts and uncles range in age from 50-65. All their children are grown. The youngest of my cousins graduated high school about 2 years ago.

My point. My aunts and uncles talk about the success of their children so differently now. It has nothing to do with us being gifted or not anymore. It’s not about what college we went to or what we do. It once did.

They speak of their children’s success by one metric alone. Happiness. Are they happy? Some of my cousins aren’t. Whether it’s a job that is unfulfilling or a spouse that isn’t nice. Our happiness has nothing to do with IQ. And a lot of it is not in anyone’s control. Some of my cousins are mentally ill. Some of my cousins just have bad luck.

The only thing you can do is give your child a happy childhood with lots of love. This is when you have the most control of their happiness.

Also, it’s about your happiness as a parent. Your parents want for you to be happy too! Be a parent in a way that brings you the most joy. It’s as much about you as it is about the child.

[Anonymous]

I have four children and there's NO WAY in hell I knew when they were 3 what their talents are. It turns out one is beautifully gifted dancer whose teachers are always remarking on her talent -- but all I knew at age 3 was that she liked to copy the Dora and Mickey Mouse Club dances. Another child has a gift for music and a great ear for pitch. That's a recent discovery though. Looking back, I can remember that when she was 3, she was the only one who truly cared what music played on the radio and put up a fuss if someone changed the station before a song ended. There were no other signs. She's very good at math also, but that definitely did not show up until she started school.

I'm not saying this to brag -- my point is that your child is 3. She may be gifted or may not, but you just don't know yet. Keep exposing her to new things, let her lead you to what she's interested in, and a gift or talent may become apparent.

[Anonymous]

Most kids aren’t “gifted,” but they all have a gift. That is, they might not be better than most other people in a particular area, but they will have at least one area of strength, whether that is math, people skills, music, humor, etc. If we stop trying to get ahead and instead focus on how we can use our strengths to contribute to the communal good, society would be a much nicer place.

[Anonymous]

OP, when people ask you what your kid's "thing" is, are you sure they're asking about something that's not, y'know, a normal kid interest? Most of the time, a normal parent conversation for the toddler/preschool set contains a discussion of what the kids are currently into, for the purposes of commiseration and perhaps future birthday gifting.

I mean, if you asked me what my not-quite-3 kid's "thing" is, I might very well tell you "Paw Patrol". And another parent would laugh and say their kid is totally obsessed with "Frozen" and they have now listened to the soundtrack fifty million times. And someone else will tell you that their potty-training kid is totally fascinated by poop and omg they are So Done. Thus go the conversations. It's totally not about how Larla is future Mark or Misty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most kids aren’t “gifted,” but they all have a gift. That is, they might not be better than most other people in a particular area, but they will have at least one area of strength, whether that is math, people skills, music, humor, etc. If we stop trying to get ahead and instead focus on how we can use our strengths to contribute to the communal good, society would be a much nicer place.

+1 million

[Anonymous]

I have an IQ-gifted kid, and an EQ-gifted kid. I worry far more about the former.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am a preschool teacher and here is a secret... The administration at every school I have taught in instructs the teachers to tell parents that their child is “gifted”, “advanced” or “shows talent”. It is how preschools keep parents happy and paying tuition.

Every other poster on DCUM thinks they have a gifted child. Don’t believe it for one hot New York minute!

Another preschool teacher here - this is correct. The administration tells us to tell the parents that their child is exceptional. I have been teaching in an expensive and sought-after preschool for ten years and have actually only had one truly gifted student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you Mark Zuckerberg or Misty Copeland? Why would you think your kid would be? Most people are average.

You sound like my mother (who I rarely speak to). I graduated from an Ivy League law school, got a big law job, have a great career. She’s still disappointed I’ve “given up on being a Supreme Court Justice.”

[Anonymous]

I’d be willing to bet that the vast majority of Nobel Laureates and other highly successful people were not child geniuses. Outside of music (where a very early start is pretty much necessary) most very successful adults enjoy their success in part due to intelligence and raw talent, and in part due to their abilities to build teams to support them. A Nobel Laureate is probably very good at securing grants and managing a lab, a political leader is good at assembling a team of talented people, etc. Child geniuses are good at completing learning modules, but not necessarily at producing independent thought and advancing a field of research.

[Anonymous]

This thread is six years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, when people ask you what your kid's "thing" is, are you sure they're asking about something that's not, y'know, a normal kid interest? Most of the time, a normal parent conversation for the toddler/preschool set contains a discussion of what the kids are currently into, for the purposes of commiseration and perhaps future birthday gifting.

I mean, if you asked me what my not-quite-3 kid's "thing" is, I might very well tell you "Paw Patrol". And another parent would laugh and say their kid is totally obsessed with "Frozen" and they have now listened to the soundtrack fifty million times. And someone else will tell you that their potty-training kid is totally fascinated by poop and omg they are So Done. Thus go the conversations. It's totally not about how Larla is future Mark or Misty.

LOL yes, if someone asked me what my 4 year old's thing is I would say Transformers. It wouldn't even occur to me that it was a question about talents. I think unless your kid is an actual prodigy beyond most gifted kids, you really can't tell at 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is six years old.

Ooh, I wonder if OP will update!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you Mark Zuckerberg or Misty Copeland? Why would you think your kid would be? Most people are average.

You sound like my mother (who I rarely speak to). I graduated from an Ivy League law school, got a big law job, have a great career. She’s still disappointed I’ve “given up on being a Supreme Court Justice.”

No, she is a SAHM. OP, most daughters of SAHMs become ... surprise! SAHMs! So all good. She will be just fine.

[Anonymous]

They’re going to live a happy normal life. That’s what happens to non gifted kids