What if you don’t have a gifted, very smart kid?

[Anonymous]

I have one pretty normal (with a few LD's actually) and one high scorer. They are teens. I have no idea which one will have a "better" job or more successful life. Enjoy your 3 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you for real OP? I mean this has to be a troll! Love the kid you have, the sweet, three year old girl! She might be a genius or not, no way to know now. What we do know is that you are so full of projecting and wish you had a different child!What we also know is that you are deeply insecure and incapable of loving your child unless that child is baby Einstein! If you are not a troll you should be ashamed of yourself.

I’m no troll. What the hell? Look at how goddamned mean some of these responses are. You know how common it is to get dragged unwillingly into an audience for a brag session in this area? You know how HARD it was to do two YEARS - helpful and great but no cakewalk - to resolve the hypotonia? I love her more than my life, and intellectually reject the false narratives about giftedness but my heart hurts sometimes. I’m a parent and a person. So no,
I’m not the troll, and I hope the ditchdigger bitch gets slapped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you for real OP? I mean this has to be a troll! Love the kid you have, the sweet, three year old girl! She might be a genius or not, no way to know now. What we do know is that you are so full of projecting and wish you had a different child!What we also know is that you are deeply insecure and incapable of loving your child unless that child is baby Einstein! If you are not a troll you should be ashamed of yourself.

You’re such a hyped-up jerk. Nothing in the OP about wanting a different child.

[Anonymous]

You cultivate their strengths and support them to challenge themselves, as you would any kid. My kid is 7, and has shown no particular academic prowess. BUT, she's very socially and emotionally aware, has lots of friends, tries hard, has shown a ton of grit mastering physical skills (former low tone preemie), is creative and artistic, can always amuse herself by creating some project.

Tt is hard when the other parents are posting about their kid tearing through Harry Potter, and we are stumbling through Biscuit Goes Camping. I often remind myself that I did my Ph.D. with some of the most high achieving and miserable people you will every meet, and there is so much more to living a good (and even remunerative) life than being super smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You cultivate their strengths and support them to challenge themselves, as you would any kid. My kid is 7, and has shown no particular academic prowess. BUT, she's very socially and emotionally aware, has lots of friends, tries hard, has shown a ton of grit mastering physical skills (former low tone preemie), is creative and artistic, can always amuse herself by creating some project.

Tt is hard when the other parents are posting about their kid tearing through Harry Potter, and we are stumbling through Biscuit Goes Camping. I often remind myself that I did my Ph.D. with some of the most high achieving and miserable people you will every meet, and there is so much more to living a good (and even remunerative) life than being super smart.

Thank you so much for this! I appreciate the kindness and thoughtfulness in your response.

[Anonymous]

“Gifted” is not better than non-“gifted”

Red hair is not better than blonde

Right handed is not better than left handed

Enjoying soccer is not better than enjoying the clarinet

Etc.


If your friends are implying or straight up telling you that any of the above are true, get new friends. I’m serious. Intellectually precocious children are simply not better, happier, or more successful than regular children.

[Anonymous]

My kid is gifted (or at least, very high IQ) and has trouble making friends and emotional regulation problems. Do you know how much I would LOVE to say "he's social and sweet and has lots of friends"? SO MUCH. (For his sake.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is gifted (or at least, very high IQ) and has trouble making friends and emotional regulation problems. Do you know how much I would LOVE to say "he's social and sweet and has lots of friends"? SO MUCH. (For his sake.)

Oh, and also he has dyspraxia and will never "master" it the way your child apparently got over hypertonia.

TBH I think you need to just focus on your own family.

[Anonymous]

Apparently the only thing to do is send him back. Return for an different model.

In all seriousness - love your child, and encourage him/her to do what she wants to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The world NEEDS gas station attendants, and Gap store managers, and bank tellers and realtors, and elementary school teachers, and news anchors.

Your kids will be FINE in life. There are TONS of options for them in the world and TONS of people will appreciate them for exactly who they are.

Highly doubt this info will comfort the OP.

But it should. These are upstanding citizens who are members of our society. Also, two of my cousins are elementary school teachers. One went to SUNY Geneseo and one went to Harvard. Yet they both ended up in the same place. That guy who was on The Cosby Show who ended up in the news this weekend for working at Trader Joe's graduated from Yale. Just because you're brilliant doesn't mean you have drive or will become a millionaire. A friend of mine went to Julliard for drama and is now married and teaches drama at a Catholic middle school in Los Angeles.

[Anonymous]

Maybe because I was born in a different country but I think being gifted is not all what life is about. I would like my dc to be first of all a happy person and a loving human being. I know too many adults that were gifted childs and now are neurotic and depressed adults or rich and uncaring people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I torture myself by reading the threads about giftedness, and live in a district where I know to a certainty that other parents are doing workbooks with their 3 and 4 year olds. My Larla has never evinced a gift for anything, but she is social and sweet - awful at moments, because, you know, 3. We had her in EI for hypotonia and she has no therapies any more. No SNs.

But now I’m in the “now what?” mentality. Both DH and I heard all over our childhoods how smart we are. Truth is, I’m not, just highly verbal. I get that life is much more about peace, joy, and integrity of effort than “gifts” even as I’ve repeatedly failed to hew to that in thought and deed. I’m worried that being around “my peers,” a well-off neoliberal crew where everyone has grad degrees and salaries, or SAH like me despite the education, will crush me. I don’t see
a future Misty Copeland or Mark Zuckerberg when I see my sweet girl. And my peers are always bragging. Those with older kids, and are just normal decent humane humans, how did you deal? I need pointers, mantras, books, anything.

FWIW, Misty Copeland is a mediocre ballerina whose success is largely attributed to expensive public relations campaigns. OP, maybe, your kid will marry well, like Misty Copeland, and that in and of itself is quite an accomplishment.

Yeah, you are much better than Misty Copeland...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The world NEEDS gas station attendants, and Gap store managers, and bank tellers and realtors, and elementary school teachers, and news anchors.

Your kids will be FINE in life. There are TONS of options for them in the world and TONS of people will appreciate them for exactly who they are.

Highly doubt this info will comfort the OP.

But it should. These are upstanding citizens who are members of our society. Also, two of my cousins are elementary school teachers. One went to SUNY Geneseo and one went to Harvard. Yet they both ended up in the same place. That guy who was on The Cosby Show who ended up in the news this weekend for working at Trader Joe's graduated from Yale. Just because you're brilliant doesn't mean you have drive or will become a millionaire. A friend of mine went to Julliard for drama and is now married and teaches drama at a Catholic middle school in Los Angeles.

Geoffrey Owens was summa at Yale, teaches theater, still acts, and probably took the job (and the rate of pay is higher than similar jobs) for the health benefits. This is only a “look where he ended up!” story if you in fact really are an elitist. Your tone is...off. I think you have a mean spirit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The world NEEDS gas station attendants, and Gap store managers, and bank tellers and realtors, and elementary school teachers, and news anchors.

Your kids will be FINE in life. There are TONS of options for them in the world and TONS of people will appreciate them for exactly who they are.

You’re a huge B for lumping teachers in with gas station attendants.

[Anonymous]

Gifted isn't everything. You want to teach your child to work hard, obtain a goal and be content with that.