What if you don’t have a gifted, very smart kid?

[Anonymous]

I torture myself by reading the threads about giftedness, and live in a district where I know to a certainty that other parents are doing workbooks with their 3 and 4 year olds. My Larla has never evinced a gift for anything, but she is social and sweet - awful at moments, because, you know, 3. We had her in EI for hypotonia and she has no therapies any more. No SNs.

But now I’m in the “now what?” mentality. Both DH and I heard all over our childhoods how smart we are. Truth is, I’m not, just highly verbal. I get that life is much more about peace, joy, and integrity of effort than “gifts” even as I’ve repeatedly failed to hew to that in thought and deed. I’m worried that being around “my peers,” a well-off neoliberal crew where everyone has grad degrees and salaries, or SAH like me despite the education, will crush me. I don’t see
a future Misty Copeland or Mark Zuckerberg when I see my sweet girl. And my peers are always bragging. Those with older kids, and are just normal decent humane humans, how did you deal? I need pointers, mantras, books, anything.

[Anonymous]

Most people have average kids. They are just delusional.

[Anonymous]

Gifted identification is largely bullshit. Don't torture yourself.

[Anonymous]

The world NEEDS gas station attendants, and Gap store managers, and bank tellers and realtors, and elementary school teachers, and news anchors.

Your kids will be FINE in life. There are TONS of options for them in the world and TONS of people will appreciate them for exactly who they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I torture myself by reading the threads about giftedness, and live in a district where I know to a certainty that other parents are doing workbooks with their 3 and 4 year olds. My Larla has never evinced a gift for anything, but she is social and sweet - awful at moments, because, you know, 3. We had her in EI for hypotonia and she has no therapies any more. No SNs.

But now I’m in the “now what?” mentality. Both DH and I heard all over our childhoods how smart we are. Truth is, I’m not, just highly verbal. I get that life is much more about peace, joy, and integrity of effort than “gifts” even as I’ve repeatedly failed to hew to that in thought and deed. I’m worried that being around “my peers,” a well-off neoliberal crew where everyone has grad degrees and salaries, or SAH like me despite the education, will crush me. I don’t see
a future Misty Copeland or Mark Zuckerberg when I see my sweet girl. And my peers are always bragging. Those with older kids, and are just normal decent humane humans, how did you deal? I need pointers, mantras, books, anything.

OP, your child is 3! How do you know she has no gifts? Yes, Misty Copeland's career is not likely to happen, but your kid might turn out to be good at a large number of pursuits, so don't count her out just yet!

As for your peers who are always bragging, I hear you. Ugh. I don't have any other suggestions other than changing peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The world NEEDS gas station attendants, and Gap store managers, and bank tellers and realtors, and elementary school teachers, and news anchors.

Your kids will be FINE in life. There are TONS of options for them in the world and TONS of people will appreciate them for exactly who they are.

You come across a bit like a My Kid is Super Gifted mom!

[Anonymous]

My 10 year old is "normal", not high performing, unlike my older DC. I try to focus on her whole well being and accept that she won't ever be an academically high achieving kid. That doesn't mean I don't work with her at home. She does math workbooks at home, though there is no set aside time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I torture myself by reading the threads about giftedness, and live in a district where I know to a certainty that other parents are doing workbooks with their 3 and 4 year olds. My Larla has never evinced a gift for anything, but she is social and sweet - awful at moments, because, you know, 3. We had her in EI for hypotonia and she has no therapies any more. No SNs.

But now I’m in the “now what?” mentality. Both DH and I heard all over our childhoods how smart we are. Truth is, I’m not, just highly verbal. I get that life is much more about peace, joy, and integrity of effort than “gifts” even as I’ve repeatedly failed to hew to that in thought and deed. I’m worried that being around “my peers,” a well-off neoliberal crew where everyone has grad degrees and salaries, or SAH like me despite the education, will crush me. I don’t see
a future Misty Copeland or Mark Zuckerberg when I see my sweet girl. And my peers are always bragging. Those with older kids, and are just normal decent humane humans, how did you deal? I need pointers, mantras, books, anything.

FWIW, Misty Copeland is a mediocre ballerina whose success is largely attributed to expensive public relations campaigns. OP, maybe, your kid will marry well, like Misty Copeland, and that in and of itself is quite an accomplishment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I torture myself by reading the threads about giftedness, and live in a district where I know to a certainty that other parents are doing workbooks with their 3 and 4 year olds. My Larla has never evinced a gift for anything, but she is social and sweet - awful at moments, because, you know, 3. We had her in EI for hypotonia and she has no therapies any more. No SNs.

But now I’m in the “now what?” mentality. Both DH and I heard all over our childhoods how smart we are. Truth is, I’m not, just highly verbal. I get that life is much more about peace, joy, and integrity of effort than “gifts” even as I’ve repeatedly failed to hew to that in thought and deed. I’m worried that being around “my peers,” a well-off neoliberal crew where everyone has grad degrees and salaries, or SAH like me despite the education, will crush me. I don’t see
a future Misty Copeland or Mark Zuckerberg when I see my sweet girl. And my peers are always bragging. Those with older kids, and are just normal decent humane humans, how did you deal? I need pointers, mantras, books, anything.

FWIW, Misty Copeland is a mediocre ballerina whose success is largely attributed to expensive public relations campaigns. OP, maybe, your kid will marry well, like Misty Copeland, and that in and of itself is quite an accomplishment.

You’re horrible. Thanks. I’ll work to have her marry well. She’s 3 so I have time.

[Anonymous]

The world needs ditch diggers, too!

[Anonymous]

Are you Mark Zuckerberg or Misty Copeland? Why would you think your kid would be? Most people are average.

You sound like my mother (who I rarely speak to). I graduated from an Ivy League law school, got a big law job, have a great career. She’s still disappointed I’ve “given up on being a Supreme Court Justice.”

[Anonymous]

Just enjoy her, op. Seriously. 3 is such a fun age if you don't take it too seriously. Take her to the playground, play make believe with her, read books together, play music and dance.

Don't worry about the workbooks for now. Just let her be 3.

[Anonymous]

Are you for real OP? I mean this has to be a troll! Love the kid you have, the sweet, three year old girl! She might be a genius or not, no way to know now. What we do know is that you are so full of projecting and wish you had a different child!What we also know is that you are deeply insecure and incapable of loving your child unless that child is baby Einstein! If you are not a troll you should be ashamed of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The world NEEDS gas station attendants, and Gap store managers, and bank tellers and realtors, and elementary school teachers, and news anchors.

Your kids will be FINE in life. There are TONS of options for them in the world and TONS of people will appreciate them for exactly who they are.

Highly doubt this info will comfort the OP.

[Anonymous]

Half the posts on the "none traditional signs your child is gifted" post mention a child who has social problems or trouble making friends or fitting in.
I'm thinking of the two smartest kids I know and both have very few to no friends and tremendous social issues. One is my nephew and one my neighbor.
OP--outlying IQ is sometimes a curse.
Most people who are the most successful (monetarily, socially, politically) are not the smartest but the ones with the highest EQ.