What if you don’t have a gifted, very smart kid?

[Anonymous]

Maybe get a life? If people are always bragging to you about their kids, you need a different social circle. I have young kids and that's not my except at all. You have 1 kid, SAH, and frankly seem to have too much time on your hands.

I can't imagine feeling this way about a sweet 3yo, it's such a great age and so little.

[Anonymous]

Eh, my kid is likely average but we have set him up with every privilege so he will have a fine life. Maybe work on doing the same for your DD.

[Anonymous]

Why are these old threads bumped?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 10 year old is "normal", not high performing, unlike my older DC. I try to focus on her whole well being and accept that she won't ever be an academically high achieving kid. That doesn't mean I don't work with her at home. She does math workbooks at home, though there is no set aside time.

This. Every child can improve academically. I don’t think just because your (or any) child hasn’t shown a lot of aptitude academically that you should give up on them. Your child is three! Also, you don’t need to be doing workbooks with three year olds. That’s not how three year olds learn best. Talk to her. Point out shapes, colors, numbers, letters. Being academically gifted, especially at a young age, is not determinative of much. Your child can be a successful, happy, well adjusted adult with a fulfilling career. Many overachieving kids burn out or don’t go on to start a billion dollar startup. The vast majority of us (even those of us who went to prestigious schools and make lots of money) are pretty average. You’re overly focused on this and it’s not doing your or your child any favors.

[Anonymous]

My kid is extremely delayed, we're just trying to get him caught up enough on the basics of communication to be able to function in society.

Be happy your kid is 'average' that itself is an accomplishment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is extremely delayed, we're just trying to get him caught up enough on the basics of communication to be able to function in society.

Be happy your kid is 'average' that itself is an accomplishment.

Ours is ahead in a couple things, but also is visibly behind in other areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The world NEEDS gas station attendants, and Gap store managers, and bank tellers and realtors, and elementary school teachers, and news anchors.

Your kids will be FINE in life. There are TONS of options for them in the world and TONS of people will appreciate them for exactly who they are.

You come across a bit like a My Kid is Super Gifted mom!

+1. Not being a genius does not by any means imply that your only career option is as a gas station attendant! 🙄🙄🙄

[Anonymous]

My 3rd kid has various disabilities (cognitive, motor, speech, etc) but is a nice, friendly, well-behaved boy. I am so glad he is my 3rd, because I have the perspective to (mostly) just enjoy him, rather than worry about the parental rat race. We live in the midwest now (flagship college town), and the OK students, and the good students, and the great students all seem to go to the state flagship, and I've had to go through a lot of deprogramming - coming from the east coast, so much is wrapped up in competition, intelligence, accomplishments- and less about just being a good person and having a good life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are these old threads bumped?

DCUM is scoring higher in Google search these days.

[Anonymous]

Wow. We have a DC who is as gifted as any DC on DCUM. At 2 he was reading and grasped advanced geometry concepts that numerous people said they had never seen a child so young understand.

The gawked. And aahed. And my son was expelled from multiple schools for violent behavior. It has been a challenging ride we never would have chosen ever since. He is in 8th grade now and needs a string of complex help and IEPs. His gifts make it much easier to get supports than they might, I suppose, but it is clear he will not, despite gifts, be independent. This year I've been feeling really defeated but understand he many not make it through a normal high school and have been researching more supported options.

Please, DCUM is the worst place to tell anyone this, but be careful what you wish for. Your daughter sounds delightful OP. I wish you and your familar success on a great adventure. If you want admission to the gothic side show, I love my son so much, but I love the world enough to tell you to think twice about it. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read the thread but this post is why I hate living in the dmv. My kid is the same age and I havent given two thoughts to whether dc is “gifted” and I shut down every competitive convo like this. Talking to preschool parents about how special their kids are feels like I’m in a snl sketch.

[Anonymous]

The book "How to raise a brighter child ?" Talks about things parents can do to maximize their DC's potential. Any neurotypical child will benefit from the strategies described.

[Anonymous]

I have a 7 yr old who I think is pretty smart in the academic sense (in part because she just enjoys school) but I would not call "gifted".

That said I think she's interesting and hardworking and will do well in life with the right support and encouragement. So we try to provide that.

When I think about people I've known in life who have the most satisfying and rewarding lives now they were mostly not geniuses. They are and were curious about the world and willing put some effort in. They have a decent sense of who they are as people and a corresponding confidence (but not arrogance). They also have a pretty rock solid value system that helped them make good choices instead of following the crowd or doing what they thought was expected of them. They have a sense of humor and know how to relax and have fun. They mostly have families who were supportive and encouraging but not super intense and demanding.

In other words while strict intelligence may be more nature than nurture actual success and fulfillment is more nurture than nature. I focus on what I can control and don't worry too much about the rest. In the grand scheme of things being born in a democratic nation that is at peace to a middle or upper middle class family is already a massive leg up so I mostly just try not to screw up the opportunities that life affords her.

[Anonymous]

How is this even a question??? wow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read the thread but this post is why I hate living in the dmv. My kid is the same age and I havent given two thoughts to whether dc is “gifted” and I shut down every competitive convo like this. Talking to preschool parents about how special their kids are feels like I’m in a snl sketch.

I had this thought too. I have an older kid but I don't sit around worrying about "giftedness." I do think the pressure and culture in the dmv is annoying in this respect.

But also when we visit friends and family elsewhere they can be just as intense if not more so about various kid things. I have a brother who lives far from this area who is insanely obsessed with sports and pressures his kids intensely not only to excel at sports but to develop niche abilities to boost their chances of athletic scholarships to specific schools. We have friends whose kids play multiple varsity sports while also taking like 10 APs and they live in places like Chicago and Arizona. A lot of this is just the current nature of upper middle class parenting. And it's not even that new. A lot of the peopel you see parenting this way do so because either they were parented that way and they think it helped them or they were NOT parented that way and they think it robbed them of opportunities. It is a parenting approach rooted in anxiety and fear of failure.