What if you don’t have a gifted, very smart kid?

[Anonymous]

Find the non braggers and hang out with them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, my son goes to a very expensive (sigh) private school for kids with severe issues. We, his parents, are very successful by all accounts, wealthy, in shape and look like we have a “perfect” life from the outside, I guess. We’re also “neoliberals” . All of the parents at my sons schools re similar. Our kids are disabled. And they’re awesome, individual, incredible kids with talents. They might not make a bajillion dollars. They might not be famous. But they’re learning how to learn and love and they’re here, which, for some of them, is a miracle. I can’t imagine having your mentality or dilemma. I will be honest that it rubs me as morally abhorrent.

For the sake of an anecdote, my husband was always considered average at best in high school and randomly tested amazingly on the SAT and had been an incredibly high achiever ever since.

OP is worried about her kid, the same as almost every other poster on DCUM. And you find that morally abhorrent...

She is worried that her kid ain’t the smartest. Yes, I do find that morally abhorrent. In the same way I would find a parent feeling sad that their child wasn’t there most beautiful. There is nothing the child can do about it and it’s an unreasonable need. You get an average kid?! Freaking awesome. Get over yourself that you should have the second coming. Report and delete away tonight. The wolves will get you tomorrow, op.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am a preschool teacher and here is a secret... The administration at every school I have taught in instructs the teachers to tell parents that their child is “gifted”, “advanced” or “shows talent”. It is how preschools keep parents happy and paying tuition.

Every other poster on DCUM thinks they have a gifted child. Don’t believe it for one hot New York minute!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, my son goes to a very expensive (sigh) private school for kids with severe issues. We, his parents, are very successful by all accounts, wealthy, in shape and look like we have a “perfect” life from the outside, I guess. We’re also “neoliberals” . All of the parents at my sons schools re similar. Our kids are disabled. And they’re awesome, individual, incredible kids with talents. They might not make a bajillion dollars. They might not be famous. But they’re learning how to learn and love and they’re here, which, for some of them, is a miracle. I can’t imagine having your mentality or dilemma. I will be honest that it rubs me as morally abhorrent.

For the sake of an anecdote, my husband was always considered average at best in high school and randomly tested amazingly on the SAT and had been an incredibly high achiever ever since.

OP is worried about her kid, the same as almost every other poster on DCUM. And you find that morally abhorrent...

Yup. PP, you are wretched.

[Anonymous]

My best friend is a child psychologist. I know for a fast that while my DS is smart, he's not a prodigy or likely to be.

I'm smart. DH is smart. My cousins are super hella smart. My sister is a creative type, but not academically inclined. She has struggled all her life, trying to define her achievements by comparing herself to our cousins and the people around us. My mom did a lot of comparing, expecting perfection. Pretty sure it's what's semi-ruined myself sister's life - she's miserable, she aims much higher than she's capable of, and enterally disappointed when she loses out on jobs, doesn't come top, etc.

Just STOP comparing. Don't do it. Revel in what your kids do well, teach them that FAILURE is okay and strengthens their overall skills as they learn. Focus on SUCCESS and not SMARTS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, my son goes to a very expensive (sigh) private school for kids with severe issues. We, his parents, are very successful by all accounts, wealthy, in shape and look like we have a “perfect” life from the outside, I guess. We’re also “neoliberals” . All of the parents at my sons schools re similar. Our kids are disabled. And they’re awesome, individual, incredible kids with talents. They might not make a bajillion dollars. They might not be famous. But they’re learning how to learn and love and they’re here, which, for some of them, is a miracle. I can’t imagine having your mentality or dilemma. I will be honest that it rubs me as morally abhorrent.

For the sake of an anecdote, my husband was always considered average at best in high school and randomly tested amazingly on the SAT and had been an incredibly high achiever ever since.

OP is worried about her kid, the same as almost every other poster on DCUM. And you find that morally abhorrent...

She is worried that her kid ain’t the smartest. Yes, I do find that morally abhorrent. In the same way I would find a parent feeling sad that their child wasn’t there most beautiful. There is nothing the child can do about it and it’s an unreasonable need. You get an average kid?! Freaking awesome. Get over yourself that you should have the second coming. Report and delete away tonight. The wolves will get you tomorrow, op.

I wrote with regard to the culture of bragging, not returning a child to the stork. Go to hell, honey. You are a complete asshole, and I reported and “deleted” nothing.

And obviously this sticks in your craw because of your own lot.

[Anonymous]

I have acquired three rental properties. I am 42 and my child is 3. They should all be paid off by the time my child is 20 or so. I will leave them in a trust for him. Regardless of how smart or successful he is, he will always have a healthy income stream. So even if he works as a cashier at a gas station...he’ll never be on the street and will always be comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, my son goes to a very expensive (sigh) private school for kids with severe issues. We, his parents, are very successful by all accounts, wealthy, in shape and look like we have a “perfect” life from the outside, I guess. We’re also “neoliberals” . All of the parents at my sons schools re similar. Our kids are disabled. And they’re awesome, individual, incredible kids with talents. They might not make a bajillion dollars. They might not be famous. But they’re learning how to learn and love and they’re here, which, for some of them, is a miracle. I can’t imagine having your mentality or dilemma. I will be honest that it rubs me as morally abhorrent.

For the sake of an anecdote, my husband was always considered average at best in high school and randomly tested amazingly on the SAT and had been an incredibly high achiever ever since.

OP is worried about her kid, the same as almost every other poster on DCUM. And you find that morally abhorrent...

She is worried that her kid ain’t the smartest. Yes, I do find that morally abhorrent. In the same way I would find a parent feeling sad that their child wasn’t there most beautiful. There is nothing the child can do about it and it’s an unreasonable need. You get an average kid?! Freaking awesome. Get over yourself that you should have the second coming. Report and delete away tonight. The wolves will get you tomorrow, op.

No, I like my lot. I do not need my kid to be the best to feel good about myself. That’s you, remember?

I wrote with regard to the culture of bragging, not returning a child to the stork. Go to hell, honey. You are a complete asshole, and I reported and “deleted” nothing.

And obviously this sticks in your craw because of your own lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, my son goes to a very expensive (sigh) private school for kids with severe issues. We, his parents, are very successful by all accounts, wealthy, in shape and look like we have a “perfect” life from the outside, I guess. We’re also “neoliberals” . All of the parents at my sons schools re similar. Our kids are disabled. And they’re awesome, individual, incredible kids with talents. They might not make a bajillion dollars. They might not be famous. But they’re learning how to learn and love and they’re here, which, for some of them, is a miracle. I can’t imagine having your mentality or dilemma. I will be honest that it rubs me as morally abhorrent.

For the sake of an anecdote, my husband was always considered average at best in high school and randomly tested amazingly on the SAT and had been an incredibly high achiever ever since.

OP is worried about her kid, the same as almost every other poster on DCUM. And you find that morally abhorrent...

Yup. PP, you are wretched.

Oh, sure, OP. “Wretched.” so very verbally advanced.

Op, you e lost it about ten times on here. You sound very wound up, defensive, and yes, emotionally anguished. Over something that is not a thing. You need some help.

[Anonymous]

Because we are on a path towards a winner-takes-all kind of economy -- i.e., outsized rewards go to the top 1% or fraction of 1% -- people are understandably anxious about how their kids stack up. Folks worry about whether or not "merely" average, or slightly above average, kids, will turn into adults who have satisfying jobs that can keep a roof over their head, keep them out of precarious financial situations (like being ruined by a health problem), and who can afford to raise a family. (Maybe PP who decided to invest in a future income stream for their kid had it right.)

But really, OP, your kid is 3, and you just don't know what they'll be like in the future. Kids with high SES and involved parents tend to achieve more at the preschool age, yes. But you have no idea if your kid is going to have brilliant insights into medieval history, or be a badminton champion, or a virtuoso harmonica player later on. Lots of people with average IQs can achieve great things when they find something they're interested in, pursue it with dedication, and get appropriate support in doing so.

Try not to take other people talking about their kids as an attempt to one-up you (unless those friends of yours tend to be one-uppers, in which case, please find some new friends). Some people just want to share the things that their kids are doing, because they're excited about it. And yes, some of those achievements will be things that are academic-ish -- i.e., Larla knows all her letters! and whatnot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, my son goes to a very expensive (sigh) private school for kids with severe issues. We, his parents, are very successful by all accounts, wealthy, in shape and look like we have a “perfect” life from the outside, I guess. We’re also “neoliberals” . All of the parents at my sons schools re similar. Our kids are disabled. And they’re awesome, individual, incredible kids with talents. They might not make a bajillion dollars. They might not be famous. But they’re learning how to learn and love and they’re here, which, for some of them, is a miracle. I can’t imagine having your mentality or dilemma. I will be honest that it rubs me as morally abhorrent.

For the sake of an anecdote, my husband was always considered average at best in high school and randomly tested amazingly on the SAT and had been an incredibly high achiever ever since.

OP is worried about her kid, the same as almost every other poster on DCUM. And you find that morally abhorrent...

She is worried that her kid ain’t the smartest. Yes, I do find that morally abhorrent. In the same way I would find a parent feeling sad that their child wasn’t there most beautiful. There is nothing the child can do about it and it’s an unreasonable need. You get an average kid?! Freaking awesome. Get over yourself that you should have the second coming. Report and delete away tonight. The wolves will get you tomorrow, op.

I wrote with regard to the culture of bragging, not returning a child to the stork. Go to hell, honey. You are a complete asshole, and I reported and “deleted” nothing.

And obviously this sticks in your craw because of your own lot.

My “lot”? What on earth kind of person are you, op? My disabled child, you mean? Yeah, Luckily, I guess, I am not looking to him to succeed so I feel awesome. I did that myself. Also, I do have other children who are tradioanly successful so I’ve seen both sides. The nice thing is because of my “lot” I don’t need to engage in this petty striving you’re doing.

[Anonymous]

People pointed out the potential of later issues to watch for because you, op, posted that you fear your daughter is doing less well than her peers or not better - at 3 that’s very hard to gauge - and you said she had earlier delays. That’s why. Not to be mean to you. The world is not a conspiracy against you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The world NEEDS gas station attendants, and Gap store managers, and bank tellers and realtors, and elementary school teachers, and news anchors.

Your kids will be FINE in life. There are TONS of options for them in the world and TONS of people will appreciate them for exactly who they are.

You come across a bit like a My Kid is Super Gifted mom!

DP here. The US has a president who is a dotard. OP's kid sound better than many kids.

[Anonymous]

You don't know that you don't have a gifted or very smart kid- I wanted my child's IQ tested very young because he was showing signs of being extremely advanced- the tester told me not to waste my time. His IQ could change by twenty points if I tested too young.
There is such a thing as "smart enough"- it means having the ability to do what you want to do in life if it's accompanied by strong social skills and executive functioning. Most jobs don't require a 140 point IQ, even the interesting ones.

[Anonymous]

I hear what you're saying, OP, and I get it. I think you just have to try to remind yourself that your job isn't necessarily to raise an overachiever (it's not like it's Misty/Mark or bust!), but rather to raise a good world citizen. Focus on that. We need that.

My husband and I both have grad degrees. I was considered very smart- skipped a grade, went to a Top 25 college, etc. My husband went to a college that I can guarantee no one has ever heard of and he out-earns me in a job that is definitely more prestigious.