When did you know you were ready to have kids?

[Anonymous]

When my period was late one month and I was so sad when it finally came.

[Anonymous]

I'm 30 weeks with #2 and I was never ready.

[Anonymous]

You're never going to feel "ready." You're 35 and you've been with your husband half your life. If you want kids (and particularly if you want more than one)...it's time. It's fine to worry about finances but the reality is you're in a decent position...and you should probably be worrying more about things like infertility, high risk pregnancies, advanced parental age, etc.

[Anonymous]

NP here. 33 and trying to buy our first place, married 5 years and also have PCOS. Which should we try for first baby or house? DH says house but I’m worried about my fertility. Advice please!

[Anonymous]

Good God! If you want children, get started now.

I was 33 when I got married. DH (then 34) and I married in May, started house hunting in September, closed on a house and got pregnant in December. DS was born the following September (I was 34). DD was born two and half years later.

At no point in that process was I "ready" to have children. It was time, and I knew I would regret it if I didn't. Kids are now 17 and 15, and we are all very happy.

I recall that when I was pregnant with my first, I had a conversation with a friend who had an older child. I said to her that I didn't feel like I was ready to be a parent. She said something very useful, which basically boils down to "you learn as you go." A newborn's needs are not very complicated. You feed it and change its diaper and make sure it gets to sleep. By the time you are dealing with more complicated issues, you and your kid know each other. Your skills evolve. But what you need to do at the outset is not exactly difficult. It's physically demanding, but not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

I had my kids at 34 and 38 and despite having always wanted to be a mom, sometimes I still don't know if I'm ready. I'll be by myself in my car and catch a glimpse of the car seats in the back and think WTF is happening?!?

I love my kids immensely and know I'm a good parent (as is DH), but I still remember what it felt like to be young, to be single, then to be married without kids and it's sometimes hard to reconcile all those versions of myself.

[Anonymous]

I got married at 28. My husband was 27. We had no desire to have kids. We were both a bit 'immature'. We traveled constantly. We went out all of the time---dinners, partying with friends. We even took a sabbatical from our jobs to party for 6 months around Europe. We ran marathons and entered other extreme races.

When I turned 34, we had bought our first house in the city. I had this moment where I was just bored with life and I felt like there was no meaning in it. I was always fearful about having kids. I used to always say 'it's not like a puppy, where if you decide you don't want it you could just give it up for adoption'. I also was very worried and anxious about having a child with special needs, etc. I really spent a lot of time assessing what I really wanted out of life. I also spent a lot of time with my young nephews. My reasoning was always that you should not try to have kids unless you AND your spouse were 100% on board and committed. I had an epiphany.

I did get pregnant on the first try both at 34 and again at 37. It was the best thing I ever did. My boys (now 10 and 12) have brought my husband and I...and grandparents and aunts/uncles so much joy. It really changed my outlook on life. I did not know it was possible to love somebody soooo much. I regret a bit not having them a tiny bit earlier. I recently lost my dad and he was the BEST, absolutely best, grandfather in the whole world. My nephews all made it past 18 years old with him in their lives and I'm sad my boys lost him at 10 and 12 because he was such a very, big part of their lives. My husband always said what a great influence he was on them and a great sounding board other than mom and dad. I am fortunate that they will have fond memories of him...but oh the regret they couldn't have a few more years.

OP, trust your guy. Don't do it just to fulfill somebody else's expectations. It has to come through you.

[Anonymous]

OP FWIW I have PCOS and wanted kids and so DH and I started trying as soon as we got married (I was 28, he was 32). We both had good jobs etc but the reality is that the window is short and yours is closing. Yours would be closing if you DIDN'T have PCOS, its even more dicey with it.

It took me 18 months to get pregnant with DD after 11 (yes 11, not a typo) rounds of clomid. The good news is that it took me 2 months to get pregnant with DS when DD was a little past 1.

IMO, if you want to have kids, try now, you could have trouble. There's never a perfect moment but the moment of possibility could pass you by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. I think we might start trying soon, but I'm think my biggest fear is that I'm worried about finances. We just bought our house last fall so I'm feeling pretty financially depleted after the down payment + reading about the costs associated with raising a kid. Should we have a certain nest egg set aside before we have kids or just go for it?

IVF is the $$$ of a year or two of daycare. Adoption is 2-3$$$ years of daycare. You can't afford to wait if you really want this.

Although take it from someone who had the same concerns, your life changes. You stop going to restaurants all the time, you travel less...the dollars generally figure out how to be there when you need them. You mold your life around the new human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 28. My husband was 27. We had no desire to have kids. We were both a bit 'immature'. We traveled constantly. We went out all of the time---dinners, partying with friends. We even took a sabbatical from our jobs to party for 6 months around Europe. We ran marathons and entered other extreme races.

When I turned 34, we had bought our first house in the city. I had this moment where I was just bored with life and I felt like there was no meaning in it. I was always fearful about having kids. I used to always say 'it's not like a puppy, where if you decide you don't want it you could just give it up for adoption'. I also was very worried and anxious about having a child with special needs, etc. I really spent a lot of time assessing what I really wanted out of life. I also spent a lot of time with my young nephews. My reasoning was always that you should not try to have kids unless you AND your spouse were 100% on board and committed. I had an epiphany.

I did get pregnant on the first try both at 34 and again at 37. It was the best thing I ever did. My boys (now 10 and 12) have brought my husband and I...and grandparents and aunts/uncles so much joy. It really changed my outlook on life. I did not know it was possible to love somebody soooo much. I regret a bit not having them a tiny bit earlier. I recently lost my dad and he was the BEST, absolutely best, grandfather in the whole world. My nephews all made it past 18 years old with him in their lives and I'm sad my boys lost him at 10 and 12 because he was such a very, big part of their lives. My husband always said what a great influence he was on them and a great sounding board other than mom and dad. I am fortunate that they will have fond memories of him...but oh the regret they couldn't have a few more years.

OP, trust your guy. Don't do it just to fulfill somebody else's expectations. It has to come through you.

This is allfine and goof adgice but....you got pregnant very easily. OP has PCOS. It's not comparable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. I think we might start trying soon, but I'm think my biggest fear is that I'm worried about finances. We just bought our house last fall so I'm feeling pretty financially depleted after the down payment + reading about the costs associated with raising a kid. Should we have a certain nest egg set aside before we have kids or just go for it?

IVF is the $$$ of a year or two of daycare. Adoption is 2-3$$$ years of daycare. You can't afford to wait if you really want this.

Although take it from someone who had the same concerns, your life changes. You stop going to restaurants all the time, you travel less...the dollars generally figure out how to be there when you need them. You mold your life around the new human.

Huge +1

[Anonymous]

You could end up like me. I waited until I was ready to have kids. I became ready at 39 when I had saves enough. I blew most of the savings on IVF.

[Anonymous]

I always knew I wanted kids, had one at 23 and second at 27. We were very poor back then, husband just finished his grad school, and I went through the grad school with my first one and post grad with the second one. You never will be ready for kids. But I never regretted having them early. I was young, full of energy, and we traveled with kids around the world a lot. once you have the, your life priorities will change, you will adjust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just found this forum so I don’t know where to post this. When did you know you were ready to start a family?

I just got back from my ob and she gave me a mini lecture that now is the time to start trying given my age and PCOS. My husband and I do want kids but it has always been later when we’re older thing. We’ve been married now for 5 years and have focused on our careers given we both were in school a while longer for masters/PhD programs. I guess that time has come but i don’t know. Did anyone know?

Or is it really cliche- you’re never really ready but now is as good a time as any?

If your husband contributes to running the household and does not have to be reminded to pick up after himself, the dog, the guests, etc. and you have good 50/50 teamwork, go for it.
But, if you are doing everything and all he does is work, go out to dinner, watch TV, sleep or gym, start asking some tough questions on how child raising will be handled. If he has unrealistic expectations that is a disaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 28. My husband was 27. We had no desire to have kids. We were both a bit 'immature'. We traveled constantly. We went out all of the time---dinners, partying with friends. We even took a sabbatical from our jobs to party for 6 months around Europe. We ran marathons and entered other extreme races.

When I turned 34, we had bought our first house in the city. I had this moment where I was just bored with life and I felt like there was no meaning in it. I was always fearful about having kids. I used to always say 'it's not like a puppy, where if you decide you don't want it you could just give it up for adoption'. I also was very worried and anxious about having a child with special needs, etc. I really spent a lot of time assessing what I really wanted out of life. I also spent a lot of time with my young nephews. My reasoning was always that you should not try to have kids unless you AND your spouse were 100% on board and committed. I had an epiphany.

I did get pregnant on the first try both at 34 and again at 37. It was the best thing I ever did. My boys (now 10 and 12) have brought my husband and I...and grandparents and aunts/uncles so much joy. It really changed my outlook on life. I did not know it was possible to love somebody soooo much. I regret a bit not having them a tiny bit earlier. I recently lost my dad and he was the BEST, absolutely best, grandfather in the whole world. My nephews all made it past 18 years old with him in their lives and I'm sad my boys lost him at 10 and 12 because he was such a very, big part of their lives. My husband always said what a great influence he was on them and a great sounding board other than mom and dad. I am fortunate that they will have fond memories of him...but oh the regret they couldn't have a few more years.

OP, trust your guy. Don't do it just to fulfill somebody else's expectations. It has to come through you.

Ugh, same situation here, I wish we all had more time with my dad, such a positive influence, great teacher, and super listener. They had me when he was 35 and then I had kids at age 34 and 36 so grandparent time gets compressed.