When did you know you were ready to have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think sometimes highly analytical people who have always planned out every aspect of their lives get this idea that they can control this process (meaning conceiving, and being a parent in general). Spoiler alert: you can't. No matter how prepared you think you are, parenthood is going to throw all kinds of unexpected things at you - both good and bad. You figure it out as you go...because you have to! And it's fine, you learn and adjust and sometimes you think you're going to go crazy but more than that, you feel love. And awe.

I have to echo everyone that I'm surprised you're not more worried about your fertility than anything else. I have pcos too, and we started trying BEFORE we felt financially "there" because we knew if it happened sooner...we'd figure it out. We knew infertility would be much harder to deal with. You said you were just recently diagnosed with pcos?

Honestly, I would recommend that you do a LOT of research. Do research about pcos and what it means for conception and miscarriage rates. Start a thread here and ask people about their conception experiences with pcos - they Cary for sure, and many people are ultimately successful in conceiving, but as a general rule it definitely takes (extra) times. And often intervention, although there are multiple less invasive (and much less costly) options you can try IF you have the time to try them...finding the right dosage etc takes time. If you come in at 38, any good doctor is going to tell you to go straight to IVF.
Also do some research about adoption. I don't get the sense you have any idea what is involved these days. If your plan is just to waltz in and adopt a baby when you're almost 40....you're not informed.

Research IVF costs too.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an adoption social worker I HATE when people say "we'll just adopt!" as if that's just something you can take for granted. Adopting today is nothing like when your parents adopted you. For one...abortions are much more common these days. And international regulations have changed wildly. Please do not be under the impression that there are just thousands of babies waiting around for some loving family to come along and adopt them.

We have clients 8 years younger than you that have been waiting for 3+ years.

Another thing to think about, since you mentioned you worried about your kids being "normal": if you want to adopt, you are going to have to go into the process with NO idea what this baby has been through during pregnancy. We recommend to pretty much everyone that they designate themselves as open to drinking/smoking during pregnancy, and many go a step further because...they're desperate for a baby. And that's just what the birth mother admits.

Adoption is not some Willy Nilly backup plan you can have in the back of your mind and assume it will be an option for you

+1

Yes! Thank you!

Arent chances of abuse during pregnancy lower in international adoptions? Because other cultures eg. S Korea dont have substance use problems?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an adoption social worker I HATE when people say "we'll just adopt!" as if that's just something you can take for granted. Adopting today is nothing like when your parents adopted you. For one...abortions are much more common these days. And international regulations have changed wildly. Please do not be under the impression that there are just thousands of babies waiting around for some loving family to come along and adopt them.

We have clients 8 years younger than you that have been waiting for 3+ years.

Another thing to think about, since you mentioned you worried about your kids being "normal": if you want to adopt, you are going to have to go into the process with NO idea what this baby has been through during pregnancy. We recommend to pretty much everyone that they designate themselves as open to drinking/smoking during pregnancy, and many go a step further because...they're desperate for a baby. And that's just what the birth mother admits.

Adoption is not some Willy Nilly backup plan you can have in the back of your mind and assume it will be an option for you

+1

Yes! Thank you!

Arent chances of abuse during pregnancy lower in international adoptions? Because other cultures eg. S Korea dont have substance use problems?

I am not PP ftr. But it is my understand that for adoptions from Korea, there is both a strict maximum BMI requirement AND a mental health exclusion: if you've EVER sought treatment for anxiety, depression, etc., you're out. My friend was honest about taking Xanax for flights, and she couldn't adopt a Korean baby (despite being Korean herself). I'm also not sure that it's true that there aren't drinking and substance abuse issues in Korea...
Regardless, I do know the international adoption field has changed a LOT. It is much more difficult and time-consuming to adopt internationally than it once was

[Anonymous]

*understanding. And to be clear the BMI requirement applies to both parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:*understanding. And to be clear the BMI requirement applies to both parents

what is the BMI cutoff?