When did you know you were ready to have kids?

[Anonymous]

I just found this forum so I don’t know where to post this. When did you know you were ready to start a family?

I just got back from my ob and she gave me a mini lecture that now is the time to start trying given my age and PCOS. My husband and I do want kids but it has always been later when we’re older thing. We’ve been married now for 5 years and have focused on our careers given we both were in school a while longer for masters/PhD programs. I guess that time has come but i don’t know. Did anyone know?

Or is it really cliche- you’re never really ready but now is as good a time as any?

[Anonymous]

After I had drunken unprotected sex and a few days later the pee test came back positive.

[Anonymous]

You're never really ready. No matter what people say beforehand, having a kid is a shock to your lifestyle, routines, and priorities. You're ready when you know that you want a kid and you feel reasonably prepared to care for one. If you aren't sure about the first, you aren't ready. If you are living paycheck-to-paycheck or buried under a lot of consumer debt, then you aren't ready. You don't have to own a house, have a ton in savings, etc., but you should have your finances in reasonably good order. Once those two things are there, you might still have worries or jitters, and that's normal.

I was willing to try for kids after we'd been married for several years, so that relationship was established, and we had our finances in reasonable order (meaning, we were living below our means, so we had a cushion to be able to afford the additional expenses of a child). I had a kid at 35, and personally would not wanted to have started having kids later than that.

[Anonymous]

How old are you now? I had kids in my mid- late thirties after 10 years with dh. By then, our careers were established, dh and I had plenty of time together, and we were ready for something new. I didn't want to have kids any earlier.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t say I ever felt ready, but my mom and maternal grandmother had fertility issues so I didn’t want to wait. I figured DH and I were as ready as anyone ever is, lol. I have 3 kids & had them at 27, 30, and 33. I was in law school when I had baby #1. I took one semester off.

[Anonymous]

No one is ever ready (and I'm someone who has been lucky with healthy kids and an involved husband). I was with my husband for nearly 5 years when we got married (long engagement and schooling etc) and we waited another 3 years to try for kids. We knew we wanted two with a decent age gap (2+ years) and knew people who had had fertility issues.

I was luckily and got pregnant easily 3 times. The first one I miscarried, which meant a delay of 6+ months (the initial pregnancy, then D&C and period coming back etc). Got pregnant again 4 months after the miscarriage (that kid is now 7) and again when he was almost 2 (that kid is now 4.5). I just turned 40.

[Anonymous]

After DH and I discussed it several times over a few months and were on the same page about timing. We owned property, had both finished school, both had solid jobs with health insurance, and had been married for three years.

[Anonymous]

When I could think about nothing else. I was 25, and had been thinking about it ever since I was 16. This is why I understand that not everyone is ready at the same age, and some are never ready. This is what makes us an adaptable species. Celebrate the differences.

[Anonymous]

I’m 35. We’ve been married for 10 years - met freshman year of college and have been together since then. We recently purchased a SFH in Bethesda, and we have some savings that we’re rebuilding after the home purchase.. We both finally feel established in our careers after some struggles during the recession.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 35. We’ve been married for 10 years - met freshman year of college and have been together since then. We recently purchased a SFH in Bethesda, and we have some savings that we’re rebuilding after the home purchase.. We both finally feel established in our careers after some struggles during the recession.

^OP here - I’m still new to how to post.

[Anonymous]

We worked the math going backwards, looking at the last age I would feel comfortable carrying a pregnancy and giving birth (given age-associated risk etc) and given how many children we wanted to have. We got going sooner rather than later for that reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

When I could think about nothing else. I was 25, and had been thinking about it ever since I was 16. This is why I understand that not everyone is ready at the same age, and some are never ready. This is what makes us an adaptable species. Celebrate the differences.

PP again. I met my husband at 19 and got married at 23. Now my oldest is a teen, and parenting has not disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 35. We’ve been married for 10 years - met freshman year of college and have been together since then. We recently purchased a SFH in Bethesda, and we have some savings that we’re rebuilding after the home purchase.. We both finally feel established in our careers after some struggles during the recession.

^OP here - I’m still new to how to post.

Although as my OB said to me there’s not really much of a difference between having a baby at 34 vs 36 you do you want to think about the long-term. Now seems like a good time!

[Anonymous]

It's a huge decision and for most people, it's a decision that can never be reversed.

No one is every ready to say "go" on a decision that will significantly impact every aspect of your life. No amount of babysitting can prepare you for being a parent.

I was ready when the idea of the responsibility of being a parent no longer seemed overwhelming. When my feelings were more "okay, it will work out" and I knew I had the stability to create a family both emotionally and financially, I knew I was ready.

However, on the night I brought my daughter home from the hospital I cried a lot. I was mourning my old life. I missed the freedom of being childless and not having any real responsibilities. That feeling lasted about a month. Now my kids are 10 and 8 and I can't imagine life without them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 35. We’ve been married for 10 years - met freshman year of college and have been together since then. We recently purchased a SFH in Bethesda, and we have some savings that we’re rebuilding after the home purchase.. We both finally feel established in our careers after some struggles during the recession.

If you don't feel ready at 35 with a SFH and have been with your partner for over 15 years then you will never feel truly ready. I met DH at 19 and were married for 5 years before having our first at 27. I did not have any feeling of "readiness" or some strong urge to have children at that specific time - but we knew we wanted children and we had finished up our schooling and were moving forward in our careers (big law for me, finance for him). We just welcomed our second child (older one is 3 now). Some people just don't ever get that "ready" feeling! If you know you want kids, don't delay any longer.