When did you know you were ready to have kids?

[Anonymous]

We were at a neighbor’s Halloween party. Someone brought their newborn, which I held. And then my uterus exploded. It was just like I knew. I was pregnant by Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 35. We’ve been married for 10 years - met freshman year of college and have been together since then. We recently purchased a SFH in Bethesda, and we have some savings that we’re rebuilding after the home purchase.. We both finally feel established in our careers after some struggles during the recession.

^OP here - I’m still new to how to post.

If you plan on having kids, starting now is prudent- especially if you have PCOS. I have PCOS and it took 7 months to get the medication correct to ovulate and another 2 months before I was pregnant- then 9 months of pregnancy- so all told 18 months from when we started. Different reasons, but it took about 18 months from starting trying before we got #2 too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 35. We’ve been married for 10 years - met freshman year of college and have been together since then. We recently purchased a SFH in Bethesda, and we have some savings that we’re rebuilding after the home purchase.. We both finally feel established in our careers after some struggles during the recession.

^OP here - I’m still new to how to post.

Given your age, how long you've been with your husband, that you're on a solid career/financial footing, it's reasonable time to start TTC.

[Anonymous]

I knew I wanted to have my first before I turned 30. DH had been married for two years (dated for 6 years before that) when I got pregnant at 28 within a month of “trying”. I was in grad school at the time. Took a year off after DC was born.

[Anonymous]

DH and I had been seriously discussing kids someday since I hit thirty, and as I approached mid thirties it started to seem like a now or never scenario. We ditched birth control at 33 and started timing sex at 34 and it took awhile to get pregnant the first time. Had my first at 36 and my second (and last) at 38. I wish we had started sooner though. My work, lifestyle, finances etc. haven’t changed drastically between ages 32-38. I think we could have easily and happily fit kids into our lives in our early thirties.

[Anonymous]

When I was pushing.

[Anonymous]

OP here again. I think we might start trying soon, but I'm think my biggest fear is that I'm worried about finances. We just bought our house last fall so I'm feeling pretty financially depleted after the down payment + reading about the costs associated with raising a kid. Should we have a certain nest egg set aside before we have kids or just go for it?

[Anonymous]

OP here again. I think we might start trying soon, but I'm think my biggest fear is that I'm worried about finances. We just bought our house last fall so I'm feeling pretty financially depleted after the down payment + reading about the costs associated with raising a kid. Should we have a certain nest egg set aside before we have kids or just go for it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 35. We’ve been married for 10 years - met freshman year of college and have been together since then. We recently purchased a SFH in Bethesda, and we have some savings that we’re rebuilding after the home purchase.. We both finally feel established in our careers after some struggles during the recession.

you are as ready as you are ever going to be. your OB is right. start now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. I think we might start trying soon, but I'm think my biggest fear is that I'm worried about finances. We just bought our house last fall so I'm feeling pretty financially depleted after the down payment + reading about the costs associated with raising a kid. Should we have a certain nest egg set aside before we have kids or just go for it?

in your case potential infertility is a much bigger issue than finances. start now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 35. We’ve been married for 10 years - met freshman year of college and have been together since then. We recently purchased a SFH in Bethesda, and we have some savings that we’re rebuilding after the home purchase.. We both finally feel established in our careers after some struggles during the recession.

What!! Are you...sure you actually WANT kids?

[Anonymous]

Pregnancy is long and as a fellow PCOS-er, it could take a while. I'd get started now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. I think we might start trying soon, but I'm think my biggest fear is that I'm worried about finances. We just bought our house last fall so I'm feeling pretty financially depleted after the down payment + reading about the costs associated with raising a kid. Should we have a certain nest egg set aside before we have kids or just go for it?

in your case potential infertility is a much bigger issue than finances. start now!

+1 million. The longer you wait the more likely you are going to have to spend a LOT of money to get prefnanr. Start NOW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 35. We’ve been married for 10 years - met freshman year of college and have been together since then. We recently purchased a SFH in Bethesda, and we have some savings that we’re rebuilding after the home purchase.. We both finally feel established in our careers after some struggles during the recession.

^OP here - I’m still new to how to post.

If you plan on having kids, starting now is prudent- especially if you have PCOS. I have PCOS and it took 7 months to get the medication correct to ovulate and another 2 months before I was pregnant- then 9 months of pregnancy- so all told 18 months from when we started. Different reasons, but it took about 18 months from starting trying before we got #2 too.

Huge +1 to this. Some people are lucky and get pregnant right away even with pcos...but most are not. It takes awhile (and miscarriage rate is higher with pcos, so you may be factoring that time in too). Do you want more than one kid? You need to start trying very soon.

I too wonder if you definitely want kids. I would echo that most people aren't "ready"...we started trying because we knew we wanted kids, and knew that since I had PCOS it could take longer. We knew we'd much rather have them sooner than our 'ideal' than wait too long and be hating ourselves for it. That's wht gives me pause here - you're 35, you've been with your husband for 17 years, and you know you have pcos which makes this process harder. If you really did want kids, why aren't you worried more about possible infertility at this point??

We started trying when I was 32 and I didn't have a baby until I was 34. We started trying for #2 when he was 9 months, and it took another 8 months for me to get pregnant. Then I had a miscarrige and had to wait that out, then it took another few months to get pregnant again. And don't forget that once you get pregnant it's 9 whole months - even if you don't FEEL ready, you have a nice long built-in time to prepare for the idea.

Even if you get pregnant tomorrow (which is unlikely) you will be 36 or almost there when you have your first. It's time (IF you want kids).

[Anonymous]

I was never 100% sure. DH and I danced around the topic for years and never quite got off the fence because of the enormity of the decision. One day, I realized I wasn't feeling well - and hadn't been feeling well for about a week. On a whim I took a pregnancy test. Best surprise of my life! I was almost 35, DH and I had been married for 7 years at that point. Neither of us felt like we were in the "right" spot career-wise or financially, but we owned a SFH and had decent savings.

I am so grateful that it happened the way it did because in hindsight, I don't think DH and I would have made the decision to go for it. As it is, when it came time to decide whether to try for #2, we were back on the fence again. We ultimately decided to try and see what happens (I was almost 38 at that point). DC#2 is now almost 2 years old.

Even though the decision was sort of made for us with DC#1 being a surprise, a lot of the thoughts I had about whether to go for DC#2 I think are applicable for someone deciding about their first child. The one overwhelming, nagging thought I had was: will I regret not even trying to do this? And for me, the answer was unequivocally yes. Maybe that question can help guide you in figuring out what you what.