When did you know you were ready to have kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an adoption social worker I HATE when people say "we'll just adopt!" as if that's just something you can take for granted. Adopting today is nothing like when your parents adopted you. For one...abortions are much more common these days. And international regulations have changed wildly. Please do not be under the impression that there are just thousands of babies waiting around for some loving family to come along and adopt them.

We have clients 8 years younger than you that have been waiting for 3+ years.

Another thing to think about, since you mentioned you worried about your kids being "normal": if you want to adopt, you are going to have to go into the process with NO idea what this baby has been through during pregnancy. We recommend to pretty much everyone that they designate themselves as open to drinking/smoking during pregnancy, and many go a step further because...they're desperate for a baby. And that's just what the birth mother admits.

Adoption is not some Willy Nilly backup plan you can have in the back of your mind and assume it will be an option for you

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an adoption social worker I HATE when people say "we'll just adopt!" as if that's just something you can take for granted. Adopting today is nothing like when your parents adopted you. For one...abortions are much more common these days. And international regulations have changed wildly. Please do not be under the impression that there are just thousands of babies waiting around for some loving family to come along and adopt them.

We have clients 8 years younger than you that have been waiting for 3+ years.

Another thing to think about, since you mentioned you worried about your kids being "normal": if you want to adopt, you are going to have to go into the process with NO idea what this baby has been through during pregnancy. We recommend to pretty much everyone that they designate themselves as open to drinking/smoking during pregnancy, and many go a step further because...they're desperate for a baby. And that's just what the birth mother admits.

Adoption is not some Willy Nilly backup plan you can have in the back of your mind and assume it will be an option for you

+1

Yes! Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Dear OP, do not feel pressured by other posters. Learn more about your diagnosis and take time to process everything. Talk to your DH. Your path to parenthood may not be easy. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP, do not feel pressured by other posters. Learn more about your diagnosis and take time to process everything. Talk to your DH. Your path to parenthood may not be easy. Good luck!

I dunno...as someone with pcos, having read where OP is at mentally I think a little pressure is needed here. I also think that's why she posted this - so people would keep it real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP, do not feel pressured by other posters. Learn more about your diagnosis and take time to process everything. Talk to your DH. Your path to parenthood may not be easy. Good luck!

I dunno...as someone with pcos, having read where OP is at mentally I think a little pressure is needed here. I also think that's why she posted this - so people would keep it real.

She said she just learned she has pcos so I think she deserves some time to process it. I know it took a few months of therapy and support groups for me to grasp my diagnosis. I think it is really foolish to tell someone to start trying when they might not know all of the miscarriage and other health risks.

On that note, I recommend finding some pcos support groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP, do not feel pressured by other posters. Learn more about your diagnosis and take time to process everything. Talk to your DH. Your path to parenthood may not be easy. Good luck!

yeah... taking time to process a diagnosis is a luxury honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP, do not feel pressured by other posters. Learn more about your diagnosis and take time to process everything. Talk to your DH. Your path to parenthood may not be easy. Good luck!

yeah... taking time to process a diagnosis is a luxury honestly.

Yeah I'd have to agree. Not sure that you need to take time to process much...the bottom line is you know you have something that is going to make getting pregnant hRder, and you're already past your fertility prime. Time to get moving if you want kids.

[Anonymous]

Nurse midwife here - she can def take some time if she wants. That doesn’t mean years, but of course she should take the next few weeks/months to get on the same page with her DH especially because it may be a bumping journey for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I think it is likely you will regret it if you don't start trying soon. On the other hand, I think if you somehow are lucky and get(/stay...please know this is an issue with pcos) pregnant within the next few months, it is very, very likely you will initially freak out, then quickly get very, very excited

Agree with this advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nurse midwife here - she can def take some time if she wants. That doesn’t mean years, but of course she should take the next few weeks/months to get on the same page with her DH especially because it may be a bumping journey for them.

there is no evidence whatsoever that OP and her husband are not on the same page.

also, being a nurse midwife hardly makes you an expert on this topic.

[Anonymous]

OP, Nature gives you 9 months to get use to the idea. YOU WILL feel like a Mother by the end of it. You will.

As long as this isn't a troll post. A 35yr old .. and it hasn't occurred to her that she ought to get "on" with this? Really? And when you bought your expensive house BEFORE starting a family ... what did you think would happen financially? Never thought about it? sorry but I'm just not sure this post is real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, Nature gives you 9 months to get use to the idea. YOU WILL feel like a Mother by the end of it. You will.

As long as this isn't a troll post. A 35yr old .. and it hasn't occurred to her that she ought to get "on" with this? Really? And when you bought your expensive house BEFORE starting a family ... what did you think would happen financially? Never thought about it? sorry but I'm just not sure this post is real.

I completely agree with all of this. Something is definitely off here. Either OP is entirely lacking in any semblance of common sense, or she doesn't actually want kids, or there's something more to the story she's not telling us

And yes EXACTLY to your first sentence. Trust me, once you get pregnant it will feel like a loooong freaking time. It's almost a year, all said a done, of built in time for you to get accustomed to the idea...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nurse midwife here - she can def take some time if she wants. That doesn’t mean years, but of course she should take the next few weeks/months to get on the same page with her DH especially because it may be a bumping journey for them.

there is no evidence whatsoever that OP and her husband are not on the same page.

also, being a nurse midwife hardly makes you an expert on this topic.

+1. I mean sure, of course she can take a few weeks, or a couple months...she can put off dealing with this for a whole damn decade if she decides to, but everyone who has been trough this is advising her heavily to get started asap for a reason. Not TONIGHT...but very very soon.

And yeah being a nurse midwife is prettttty irrelevant to this discussion. To what extent are you involved in pcos-related fertility treatments?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nurse midwife here - she can def take some time if she wants. That doesn’t mean years, but of course she should take the next few weeks/months to get on the same page with her DH especially because it may be a bumping journey for them.

there is no evidence whatsoever that OP and her husband are not on the same page.

also, being a nurse midwife hardly makes you an expert on this topic.

+1. I mean sure, of course she can take a few weeks, or a couple months...she can put off dealing with this for a whole damn decade if she decides to, but everyone who has been trough this is advising her heavily to get started asap for a reason. Not TONIGHT...but very very soon.

And yeah being a nurse midwife is prettttty irrelevant to this discussion. To what extent are you involved in pcos-related fertility treatments?

yeah. i mean, OP already took her time - for schooling, dead-end jobs, creating a nest-egg, etc etc. you can't just take your time and process every adverse piece of news at leisurely pace.

[Anonymous]

This does not make sense. Anyone who actually wanted kids and got news like this would be panicking. And finding this out at 35?!? A normal reaction (again, from someone who actually wants kids) would be absolutely freaking out.

OP, I don't think you actually want to have kids. Otherwise this makes zero sense.