I'm not #1 in wife's eyes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:#1 kids
#2 wife
#3 dog
#4 college fund
#5 dad

Why do you think so many DH toil away as breadwinner while wives stay home with kids? This is how has always been, natural order to some degree.

Dad here, I agree on this. But I also had affairs, which were also part of the natural order of things. Can't have one without the other.

Yup, this is the only normal reaction. I would certainly have affairs if I was considered an accessory and a means to an ends.

You are not an accessory but you are an adult and a teammate. Not an additional child that she must tend. Being #1 as an adult is a totally different thing than being #1 as a child.

Or maybe you aren't #1 and you should look in the mirror and wonder why .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband is first, because we are a team. It's better for the kids that way.

I don't have this with my DH, however I agree it's the way it should be in theory. I mean, obviously not in the sense of who I would save first if my house were burning down (my kids). I think that people who reject this idea don't quite understand how it plays out. Ideally, it's not just one parent putting the other parent first, it's both parents putting each other first. For instance, if my DH and DD both need my attention at the same time, and I had to choose, it doesn't mean I would choose my DH, it means my DH would know to stand down if my DD's needs were paramount.

[Anonymous]

If you are ahead of the inlaws and her good friends, consider yourself lucky. I'm not sure if I'm top 20.

[Anonymous]

My kids are all now young adults and making their own way in the world. Since we became empty nesters my DH has been my #1 priority but I still worry about my kids health and well being as much as DH's. They will always be my babies! When our children were young they were definitely my #1 priority and my DH never whined about it the way OP is doing. What does he expect? I don't want to be too explicit but when my children were young I never lost my sex drive and 2-3 times a week I made sure DH was #1. I still do.

[Anonymous]

OP, I haven't been #1 since I said I do.

[Anonymous]

Well, I don't numerically rank my family members, because that's just dumb. In my life, I prioritize my family as a unit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are all now young adults and making their own way in the world. Since we became empty nesters my DH has been my #1 priority but I still worry about my kids health and well being as much as DH's. They will always be my babies! When our children were young they were definitely my #1 priority and my DH never whined about it the way OP is doing. What does he expect? I don't want to be too explicit but when my children were young I never lost my sex drive and 2-3 times a week I made sure DH was #1. I still do.

Young children and sex 2-3 times a week? Older empty nester and still sex 2-3 times a week? Are you related to the Energizer bunny?

[Anonymous]

boo hoo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband is first, because we are a team. It's better for the kids that way.

Husband has to act like a teammate in order to come first. If DH asks to be number one, he's likely just adding duties to DW's plate. If you take duties from her plate, she'll have more time for you.

Honey is that you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband is first, because we are a team. It's better for the kids that way.

I don't have this with my DH, however I agree it's the way it should be in theory. I mean, obviously not in the sense of who I would save first if my house were burning down (my kids). I think that people who reject this idea don't quite understand how it plays out. Ideally, it's not just one parent putting the other parent first, it's both parents putting each other first. For instance, if my DH and DD both need my attention at the same time, and I had to choose, it doesn't mean I would choose my DH, it means my DH would know to stand down if my DD's needs were paramount.

+1. It is all about understanding what it means to be #1 as an adult vs. a child. If you are competing for time, attention, and access to her body, you will lose and she will resent you for it. If you are her #1 partner and teammate and treat her as yours in return, that will work out a lot better. If you want her to consider your well-being a priority, motivate for hers.

[Anonymous]

If she doesn't respect you then it's over. Why work your entire life for her retirement.

Get out now and find someone who looks up to you. That's the only way you will be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she doesn't respect you then it's over. Why work your entire life for her retirement.

Get out now and find someone who looks up to you. That's the only way you will be happy.

agree 100%. don't be a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:#1 kids
#2 wife
#3 dog
#4 college fund
#5 dad

Why do you think so many DH toil away as breadwinner while wives stay home with kids? This is how has always been, natural order to some degree.

Dad here, I agree on this. But I also had affairs, which were also part of the natural order of things. Can't have one without the other.

Yup, this is the only normal reaction. I would certainly have affairs if I was considered an accessory and a means to an ends.

You are not an accessory but you are an adult and a teammate. Not an additional child that she must tend. Being #1 as an adult is a totally different thing than being #1 as a child.

Or maybe you aren't #1 and you should look in the mirror and wonder why .

I totally get this now. Years ago single friend who adopted her sister's kids, said she didn't want a man because it just seemed like it would be someone else to care for. I rebuffed thinking she was being over dramatic. Having been married for a decade I get it. Men (self included) can be big babies and they want way more than a banana and hug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are all now young adults and making their own way in the world. Since we became empty nesters my DH has been my #1 priority but I still worry about my kids health and well being as much as DH's. They will always be my babies! When our children were young they were definitely my #1 priority and my DH never whined about it the way OP is doing. What does he expect? I don't want to be too explicit but when my children were young I never lost my sex drive and 2-3 times a week I made sure DH was #1. I still do.

Young children and sex 2-3 times a week? Older empty nester and still sex 2-3 times a week? Are you related to the Energizer bunny?

Maybe her husband is just good (and giving!) in bed

[Anonymous]

1st: my father
2nd: my husband (before kids)
3rd: my kids (switch to 2nd)