I'm not #1 in wife's eyes

[Anonymous]

I understand how you feel, OP, but female hormones are powerfully persuasive towards putting kids first. The good news is that as kids get older, that dynamic goes away. And there you will be ... potential number one again IF you have been loving and patient and respectful of her needs. The best way to achieve that outcome is to help her with the kids, let her know honestly when you need more attention, and keep some romance going. It may take longer to get the reaction you used to get more easily, but it can still happen. Good luck ... kids really do change things, but not necessarily for bad. Family fun and traditions are special too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad my DH doesn't act like a whiney man-baby and think that being 100% in control equates to being my #1 priority. He is my best friend and we work as a team...thats why He gets all the BJs!

My DH understands why our children are #1 as they are #1 to him as well. But in the privacy of our room we do our best to make each other #1 and yes, BJ's are an important part of that as well as a bunch of other fun moves. We find time for ourselves 2-3 times a week and we make it a priority even if sometimes its just a quickie.

That's what I believe people on this thread aren't getting (although I'm not sure as OP isn't clarifying). Whether it's in the bedroom or some other way, OP's needs aren't being met. It sounds like you are doing what you can to make sure your DH's needs are.

Look at you trying to act like a neutral arbiter when you just advised OP to trade his wife in for a younger model who doesn't have "childbirth scars" (from bearing *his* kids). Give me a break. Doesn't sound like you or OP consider it necessary to meet a wife's needs; not sure what makes yours any more special or demanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad my DH doesn't act like a whiney man-baby and think that being 100% in control equates to being my #1 priority. He is my best friend and we work as a team...thats why He gets all the BJs!

My DH understands why our children are #1 as they are #1 to him as well. But in the privacy of our room we do our best to make each other #1 and yes, BJ's are an important part of that as well as a bunch of other fun moves. We find time for ourselves 2-3 times a week and we make it a priority even if sometimes its just a quickie.

That's what I believe people on this thread aren't getting (although I'm not sure as OP isn't clarifying). Whether it's in the bedroom or some other way, OP's needs aren't being met. It sounds like you are doing what you can to make sure your DH's needs are.

Look at you trying to act like a neutral arbiter when you just advised OP to trade his wife in for a younger model who doesn't have "childbirth scars" (from bearing *his* kids). Give me a break. Doesn't sound like you or OP consider it necessary to meet a wife's needs; not sure what makes yours any more special or demanding.

I'm a married woman, not a man. And yes, I consider both men's and women's needs equal.

[Anonymous]

And what makes you think OP doesn't consider it necessary to meet his wife's needs? He hasn't been back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad my DH doesn't act like a whiney man-baby and think that being 100% in control equates to being my #1 priority. He is my best friend and we work as a team...thats why He gets all the BJs!

My DH understands why our children are #1 as they are #1 to him as well. But in the privacy of our room we do our best to make each other #1 and yes, BJ's are an important part of that as well as a bunch of other fun moves. We find time for ourselves 2-3 times a week and we make it a priority even if sometimes its just a quickie.

That's what I believe people on this thread aren't getting (although I'm not sure as OP isn't clarifying). Whether it's in the bedroom or some other way, OP's needs aren't being met. It sounds like you are doing what you can to make sure your DH's needs are.

Look at you trying to act like a neutral arbiter when you just advised OP to trade his wife in for a younger model who doesn't have "childbirth scars" (from bearing *his* kids). Give me a break. Doesn't sound like you or OP consider it necessary to meet a wife's needs; not sure what makes yours any more special or demanding.

I'm a married woman, not a man. And yes, I consider both men's and women's needs equal.

Very believable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course my young children are my #1 priority, how can they not be? I carried them in my womb for nine months and nursed them for over a year. If you can't see why they are your wife's #1 priority you are blind. Our children are my husband's #1 priority as well - thank God otherwise raising them would all be on my shoulders. We have three children and they are all my #1 priority. Do I do my best to show my husband that I love him? Absolutely! If your thinking your not her #1 priority is due to a sex problem then deal with it.

VOMIT. I've known my husband for way longer than my children and slept in the same bed with him for years, so how can he not be my #1? Your logic is off. So is your spelling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1st: my father
2nd: my husband (before kids)
3rd: my kids (switch to 2nd)

I didn't know Ivanka was on this thread.

lol

[Anonymous]

There is too much pressure on modern marriage. To be a perfect spouse, and parent, and lover. It used to be that marriage was practical, a merging of families for wealth and lineage and children.

And these whiny men like OP would just go get their needs met and not pester their exhausted wives for sex. Either with their hand or their mistress or whatever hooker was waiting at the port of call.

Successful men still do this, they have wives at home and sex on the side. They don't need to worry about being ranked by their wife because they will always be #1 as a father and provider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have two kids 10 and 8 and they are #1 in my wife's eyes. I'm a firm #3 and don't really like it.

Are your kids or your spouse your top priority?

My husband is like another kid so what does that mean? Everyone equal!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she doesn't respect you then it's over. Why work your entire life for her retirement.

Get out now and find someone who looks up to you. That's the only way you will be happy.

agree 100%. don't be a doormat.

And don't marry someone with kids, they're just too much work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any guy jealous of his kids is a big douche. You've earned your spot in the caste of the house.

My ExH was totally jealous of our kids. He wanted me to be HIS mommy too. I'm not effing kidding. I remember reassuring him that my love for our kids was different, they were babies, dependent on us for everything, etc., and that he was my partner, my husband. That I loved the kids differently than I loved him. He never grasped that concept. He devolved into my third child. He treated me like shit, acted out like a teenager. I divorced him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any guy jealous of his kids is a big douche. You've earned your spot in the caste of the house.

My ExH was totally jealous of our kids. He wanted me to be HIS mommy too. I'm not effing kidding. I remember reassuring him that my love for our kids was different, they were babies, dependent on us for everything, etc., and that he was my partner, my husband. That I loved the kids differently than I loved him. He never grasped that concept. He devolved into my third child. He treated me like shit, acted out like a teenager. I divorced him.

Didn't you have any clues before you had children that he might be like that? Neediness and whining don't come out of the blue. Was he a mommas boy who had everything done for him? Did you do everything for him?