I'm not #1 in wife's eyes

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry I gotta ask another question...

Just what the hell does being #3 mean?
Outside of some extreme circumstance, like say for instance a fire in the house, how does not being #1 hinder you exactly? If you're engulfed in flames and your very life is in danger I think I can understand the rationale, "Damn it really sucks to be #3 I gotta wait for her to save both the kids first and then if I'm lucky she'll still have time to come and save me."
But outside of such extreme circumstances how in the hell does being #3 make your life that much of a nightmare that you actually are pouting about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your spouse should always be #1. If you put your spouse after your kids, you won't have a spouse, and the kids then suffer.
As long as both parents are treating the kids as their 1.5 and their spouse as their 1. it will be ok.

+1,000.

The answers from so many on these boards shows why there are so many divorces. People have their priorities backward.

Whatever. That's how my and DH's parents were and now they are old and lonely and wondering why no one wants to visit them. After the first grandchild was born FIL openly and bitterly complained to anyone who would listen about how "no one cared about him anymore." Jealous of an infant who didn't even live with him. Pathetic.

You can't always put your kids second to yourself and your partner and expect they will continue to go along with that after they are grown. Our kids come first because we are adults. Our home is a very happy one.

(and 1.5...what the hell does that even mean? It sounds like a cop out because you know saying that your kids are 2nd to yourself and your spouse sounds unbelievably selfish).

[Anonymous]

What does being #1 mean? Please give real life examples. By in large, my DH is #1 when it comes to the meals I prepare. If kids were #1, we'd be eating chicken tenders every night, LOL. If we are talking about tending to my kid in the middle of the night, kid gets #1 priority. Weekend plans are mixed, some kid priorities, some couple prioritites. I take priority at 5:30 am when I go for a run (unless there is a sick kid, but husband would also volunteer to deal with kid so I could run). Work takes priority if there is a deadline. Priorities shift based on the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your spouse should always be #1. If you put your spouse after your kids, you won't have a spouse, and the kids then suffer.
As long as both parents are treating the kids as their 1.5 and their spouse as their 1. it will be ok.

+1,000.

The answers from so many on these boards shows why there are so many divorces. People have their priorities backward.

Yup. I think it's easier for people to become the "mom" that's in charge versus equal partners in a healthy happy relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does being #1 mean? Please give real life examples. By in large, my DH is #1 when it comes to the meals I prepare. If kids were #1, we'd be eating chicken tenders every night, LOL. If we are talking about tending to my kid in the middle of the night, kid gets #1 priority. Weekend plans are mixed, some kid priorities, some couple prioritites. I take priority at 5:30 am when I go for a run (unless there is a sick kid, but husband would also volunteer to deal with kid so I could run). Work takes priority if there is a deadline. Priorities shift based on the circumstances.

The ultra sensitive spoiled brats complaining aren't operating on cognitive thinking they're 100% wrapped up in their poor pitiful emotions and can't give a rational answer of what being #1 means

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does being #1 mean? Please give real life examples. By in large, my DH is #1 when it comes to the meals I prepare. If kids were #1, we'd be eating chicken tenders every night, LOL. If we are talking about tending to my kid in the middle of the night, kid gets #1 priority. Weekend plans are mixed, some kid priorities, some couple prioritites. I take priority at 5:30 am when I go for a run (unless there is a sick kid, but husband would also volunteer to deal with kid so I could run). Work takes priority if there is a deadline. Priorities shift based on the circumstances.

There have been postings over the years by self-appointed supermoms who list all the things they need to do before they're willing to think about having sex with their husbands. These lists include buying stamps, writing thank you notes, volunteering at church , baking stuff for school. Either the guy tolerates this or not. Some guys don't. And it's not just sex. If the wife is never around and the husband apologizes to neighbors that she isn't available for a get together, and it's not about Buffy's 33rd ballet recital, he's not #1.

[Anonymous]

OP, clearly your needs aren't being met in some shape or form. I encourage you to express your needs to your wife. If she's not receptive, encourage her to go to couples' counseling with you. If she's not willing to do so, dump her. I'm sure you can find a younger version that doesn't have the scars of childbirth like your current DW.

[Anonymous]

Do women ever ask this question? Seems like a selfish and immature question.

[Anonymous]

In an overall sense Kid is #1. DH expects it to be that way.

But we also make sure to take vacations and go out alone often. Then he becomes #1 again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your spouse should always be #1. If you put your spouse after your kids, you won't have a spouse, and the kids then suffer.
As long as both parents are treating the kids as their 1.5 and their spouse as their 1. it will be ok.

+1,000.

The answers from so many on these boards shows why there are so many divorces. People have their priorities backward.

Whatever. That's how my and DH's parents were and now they are old and lonely and wondering why no one wants to visit them. After the first grandchild was born FIL openly and bitterly complained to anyone who would listen about how "no one cared about him anymore." Jealous of an infant who didn't even live with him. Pathetic.

You can't always put your kids second to yourself and your partner and expect they will continue to go along with that after they are grown. Our kids come first because we are adults. Our home is a very happy one.

(and 1.5...what the hell does that even mean? It sounds like a cop out because you know saying that your kids are 2nd to yourself and your spouse sounds unbelievably selfish).

So this. I grew up and my Dad was always #1. Now that he has grandchildren he doesn't like that he can't get his way or do exactly what he wants when visiting

[Anonymous]

Are these Associated Press rankings of who's #1 really that serious? What are you mad you may miss out on a spot in the big New Year's Day bowl game for a national championship or something?

[Anonymous]

I'm so glad my DH doesn't act like a whiney man-baby and think that being 100% in control equates to being my #1 priority. He is my best friend and we work as a team...thats why He gets all the BJs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad my DH doesn't act like a whiney man-baby and think that being 100% in control equates to being my #1 priority. He is my best friend and we work as a team...thats why He gets all the BJs!

+1. Lot of whiny man babies up in here, talk about unattractive. DH is a wonderful (and proactive!) dad and partner, while yes much of our daily life currently revolves around our family unit, it's something we both chose and both enjoy - it's not mom and kids vs dad...Why are you competing with your children ??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad my DH doesn't act like a whiney man-baby and think that being 100% in control equates to being my #1 priority. He is my best friend and we work as a team...thats why He gets all the BJs!

My DH understands why our children are #1 as they are #1 to him as well. But in the privacy of our room we do our best to make each other #1 and yes, BJ's are an important part of that as well as a bunch of other fun moves. We find time for ourselves 2-3 times a week and we make it a priority even if sometimes its just a quickie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad my DH doesn't act like a whiney man-baby and think that being 100% in control equates to being my #1 priority. He is my best friend and we work as a team...thats why He gets all the BJs!

My DH understands why our children are #1 as they are #1 to him as well. But in the privacy of our room we do our best to make each other #1 and yes, BJ's are an important part of that as well as a bunch of other fun moves. We find time for ourselves 2-3 times a week and we make it a priority even if sometimes its just a quickie.

That's what I believe people on this thread aren't getting (although I'm not sure as OP isn't clarifying). Whether it's in the bedroom or some other way, OP's needs aren't being met. It sounds like you are doing what you can to make sure your DH's needs are.