I'm not #1 in wife's eyes

[Anonymous]

#1 kids
#2 wife
#3 dog
#4 college fund
#5 dad

Why do you think so many DH toil away as breadwinner while wives stay home with kids? This is how has always been, natural order to some degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband is first, because we are a team. It's better for the kids that way.

I call bull shit on that. Anyone that says this doesn't really mean it.

I agree. But I'll tell anyone who asks me (including the kids) IRL that hubby is #1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband is first, because we are a team. It's better for the kids that way.

Husband has to act like a teammate in order to come first. If DH asks to be number one, he's likely just adding duties to DW's plate. If you take duties from her plate, she'll have more time for you.

+1. My husband is #1 but in a different way than I relate to the children. If he whined about feeling like #1 and did not pull his weight as a husband and a parent he would not be #1 in any way. He would be my least favorite child.

Right. If you want to be #1, by which you mean, you just want the bulk of your wife's attention and energy, then you are just another child, just another burden, just another demand on her time and energy. If you want to be important, then you have to be a partner. It works for both people--if you view it as a competition with your kids, then you will lose. If you view it as being a teammate in making a home and a family together, then you will be.

[Anonymous]

My spouse is second to my dog, then my kids after that. I think for my husband, he'd say me, then the kids, then the dog.

[Anonymous]

What does being number 1 mean to you? If I have to choose between meeting my kids' needs or my DH's needs, obviously I'm going to choose my kids, because my DH is an adult and can take care of himself. For wants, we're a family, so if our wants conflict, sometimes it will be the kids who get what they wants, sometimes DH, and sometimes me.

[Anonymous]

Kids, by far, in terms of time and overall priority. You are a fully grown adult.

[Anonymous]

Good grief - didn't someone tell you before your wedding that the groom is just an accessory?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have two kids 10 and 8 and they are #1 in my wife's eyes. I'm a firm #3 and don't really like it.

Are your kids or your spouse your top priority?

What concrete behaviors on your wife's part would make you stop feeling this way?

[Anonymous]

Of course my young children are my #1 priority, how can they not be? I carried them in my womb for nine months and nursed them for over a year. If you can't see why they are your wife's #1 priority you are blind. Our children are my husband's #1 priority as well - thank God otherwise raising them would all be on my shoulders. We have three children and they are all my #1 priority. Do I do my best to show my husband that I love him? Absolutely! If your thinking your not her #1 priority is due to a sex problem then deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:#1 kids
#2 wife
#3 dog
#4 college fund
#5 dad

Why do you think so many DH toil away as breadwinner while wives stay home with kids? This is how has always been, natural order to some degree.

Dad here, I agree on this. But I also had affairs, which were also part of the natural order of things. Can't have one without the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course my young children are my #1 priority, how can they not be? I carried them in my womb for nine months and nursed them for over a year. If you can't see why they are your wife's #1 priority you are blind. Our children are my husband's #1 priority as well - thank God otherwise raising them would all be on my shoulders. We have three children and they are all my #1 priority. Do I do my best to show my husband that I love him? Absolutely! If your thinking your not her #1 priority is due to a sex problem then deal with it.

Bravo! This woman knows what she is talking about. Forget all the pyscho-babble this is how it works throughout the animal kingdom. Have you ever watched mother elephants and mother lions with their young? I'm sure the male elephants and lions aren't thrilled but it's how the world works. And please, don't say that's why male lions screw other lions because their mates have a higher priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:#1 kids
#2 wife
#3 dog
#4 college fund
#5 dad

Why do you think so many DH toil away as breadwinner while wives stay home with kids? This is how has always been, natural order to some degree.

Dad here, I agree on this. But I also had affairs, which were also part of the natural order of things. Can't have one without the other.

Yup, this is the only normal reaction. I would certainly have affairs if I was considered an accessory and a means to an ends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband is first, because we are a team. It's better for the kids that way.

I call bull shit on that. Anyone that says this doesn't really mean it.

Now that all the kids are 5 and up, I DO mean this!

[Anonymous]

Yep. Same. My husband was #3 to my kids too. When they were 7 and 9 he started sleeping with his secretary.

Our divorce is almost final. He's still seeing her . . . and now he's #4 to her, after her three kids. lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband is first, because we are a team. It's better for the kids that way.

Husband has to act like a teammate in order to come first. If DH asks to be number one, he's likely just adding duties to DW's plate. If you take duties from her plate, she'll have more time for you.

+1. My husband is #1 but in a different way than I relate to the children. If he whined about feeling like #1 and did not pull his weight as a husband and a parent he would not be #1 in any way. He would be my least favorite child.

Right. If you want to be #1, by which you mean, you just want the bulk of your wife's attention and energy, then you are just another child, just another burden, just another demand on her time and energy. If you want to be important, then you have to be a partner. It works for both people--if you view it as a competition with your kids, then you will lose. If you view it as being a teammate in making a home and a family together, then you will be.

Tell it!