Girlfriend is demanding that we get married and have a baby ASAP

[Anonymous]

Take it or leave it. That is what she is telling you. Commit now, or if you don't want to, she doesn't want to waste any more of her time with you. It is pretty simple. Would you rather she spell it out for you like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you currently live with your girlfriend and her child?

No we're not living together.

[Anonymous]

She's not demanding to get married. She brought it up and told you her wishes. If you never want to get married or have no kids, do not continue this relationship. It's not worth it to either of you.

[Anonymous]

It's OK to also tell her what YOU feel/need/want. If the answer is, "I love you but I'm just not ready", that's OK. Her choice to wait or not.

I'd tell her I need (x amount of time - another year?) and that you promise a definite answer at that time. She's made her goals clear, don't string her along once you figure out (if you figure out) that it's not what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about the kids they already have???? It's sad when adults don't think of them. Many don't want to share their parent with steps or half siblings. When my kids saw what some of their friends parents were doing and how miserable they were I assured them I would never do that. They come first.

That's another concern of mine as well. My daughter gets along with her and her daughter, but me marrying her and we live together might be difficult for her to handle. I don't want to give her the impression I'm trying to replace her mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's OK to also tell her what YOU feel/need/want. If the answer is, "I love you but I'm just not ready", that's OK. Her choice to wait or not.

I'd tell her I need (x amount of time - another year?) and that you promise a definite answer at that time. She's made her goals clear, don't string her along once you figure out (if you figure out) that it's not what you want.

Generally I agree, but another year?! That's cruel at their ages. OP should know whether he wants to get married again, whether he wants more kids, and generally whether he wants it to be with her. Maybe another few months to work that out and communicate it, but if I were her and OP was being wishy washy and not taking me seriously I'd be on my way out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did she demand YOU marry her or did she just give you the "shit or get off the pot" talk?

+1. At your age you should know what you want. Move forward or let her go.

[Anonymous]

Ahh the old' biological clock. If girlfriend gave an ultimatum (and it's not clear she did), that's a tough game she's playing. Let's say you say no and you break up tomorrow. How long will it take her to find a new mate, date him long enough to realize she wants to settle down, the successfully conceive? Those are not great odds -- I'd say realistically that means 3 years from the day you break up to the time that baby is born, and that's being optimistic.

Is she a good poker player?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about the kids they already have???? It's sad when adults don't think of them. Many don't want to share their parent with steps or half siblings. When my kids saw what some of their friends parents were doing and how miserable they were I assured them I would never do that. They come first.

That's another concern of mine as well. My daughter gets along with her and her daughter, but me marrying her and we live together might be difficult for her to handle. I don't want to give her the impression I'm trying to replace her mom.

What's best for daughter is priority #1 in this case. It may be different if her mother was around but you two were divorced, but this is a much different situation. Do what's best for her, whatever that may be. It may be worth going to counseling with DD to see how she'd react to having another mother-figure in her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did she demand YOU marry her or did she just give you the "shit or get off the pot" talk?

+1. At your age you should know what you want. Move forward or let her go.

It would've been different if she told me she wanted this in the beginning. We were first started dating she said she didn't want to remarry or have anymore kids and was interested in having fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did she demand YOU marry her or did she just give you the "shit or get off the pot" talk?

+1. At your age you should know what you want. Move forward or let her go.

It would've been different if she told me she wanted this in the beginning. We were first started dating she said she didn't want to remarry or have anymore kids and was interested in having fun.

I think it sounds like she changed her mind and got optimistic about the future. She was allowed to have fun, as you were. But a year later, things are different. It is also okay if you don't want that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did she demand YOU marry her or did she just give you the "shit or get off the pot" talk?

+1. At your age you should know what you want. Move forward or let her go.

It would've been different if she told me she wanted this in the beginning. We were first started dating she said she didn't want to remarry or have anymore kids and was interested in having fun.

So she's over the grieving part and changed her mind. Good for her for letting you know. You're getting "rights of first refusal."

What you don't get to do is tell her that she can't want what she wants. She's right; let her know soon that you are not on the same page, and wish her luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did she demand YOU marry her or did she just give you the "shit or get off the pot" talk?

+1. At your age you should know what you want. Move forward or let her go.

It would've been different if she told me she wanted this in the beginning. We were first started dating she said she didn't want to remarry or have anymore kids and was interested in having fun.

So she's over the grieving part and changed her mind. Good for her for letting you know. You're getting "rights of first refusal."

What you don't get to do is tell her that she can't want what she wants. She's right; let her know soon that you are not on the same page, and wish her luck.

I never did that. She deserves everything she wants and more.

[Anonymous]

Consider getting a vasectomy if you are most likely done with having children, but before you do, bank your sperm. That way, you have an insurance policy if you change your mind later. Insurance usually covers vasectomies. Sperm banking is $300-400/year and there's one in Fairfax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did she demand YOU marry her or did she just give you the "shit or get off the pot" talk?

+1. At your age you should know what you want. Move forward or let her go.

It would've been different if she told me she wanted this in the beginning. We were first started dating she said she didn't want to remarry or have anymore kids and was interested in having fun.

Wow, then you are probably a nice guy with a nice kid and her life sjepticism lifted. Nice that she shared it with you. Time to ask if your skepticism lifted too. Congrats she's found true love, and you have too you say. But if child is not in the cards, be up front with that, or if you need to think it/talk it through, be up front with that too.