Girlfriend is demanding that we get married and have a baby ASAP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. I guess I need to take more time to grieve before pursuing another relationship.

Here's $500 that you are married to another woman within 18 months time.

This is just the kick in the pants you need to move on and set some life goals. Tell your dumpee that timing is everything and just not on her side.

I doubt it, I have my daughter to consider before I even think about making that kind of commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's a good way to wreck a good thing. At 40 time to pad the retirement, travel and enjoy life.
Changing diapers, sick kids or perhaps special needs could completely change those plans.

Pffft what nonsense. They already have two young kids (10 and 6). One more isn't going to be that much harder. Good spacing, in fact.

If they can afford to travel and enjoy life with two, then they can do it with three.

+1. The PP with the old fashioned baby boomer worldview needs to get a clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those that are saying that your daughter needs to be your first priority.

I think you need to end the relationship. This woman is not considering your child with her rush to the alter and new baby. To lose a mother as a I child is an unimaginably horrific experience. To move toward marriage and a baby after a year of casually dating is not putting your daughter's wellbeing first. That's not a good trait for a future stepmother.

Please tell this woman to move on.

"A year" is not "casually dating".

He's repeatedly said that they were dating and not looking for something serious, that they are both mourning their spouses, and that in her most recent conversation she stated she wasn't dating anyone else. That's a casual relationship. If it was serious why would she need to tell him she was only seeing him? That wouldn't even be a question in a serious relationship.

Nope. He said when they started dating they weren't looking for anything serious. They've been dating for a year. By now it is a serious relationship. Which doesn't mean he should let himself be pressured into doing something he doesn't want to do -- but it does mean that she isn't "rushing things".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those that are saying that your daughter needs to be your first priority.

I think you need to end the relationship. This woman is not considering your child with her rush to the alter and new baby. To lose a mother as a I child is an unimaginably horrific experience. To move toward marriage and a baby after a year of casually dating is not putting your daughter's wellbeing first. That's not a good trait for a future stepmother.

Please tell this woman to move on.

"A year" is not "casually dating".

He's repeatedly said that they were dating and not looking for something serious, that they are both mourning their spouses, and that in her most recent conversation she stated she wasn't dating anyone else. That's a casual relationship. If it was serious why would she need to tell him she was only seeing him? That wouldn't even be a question in a serious relationship.

Nope. He said when they started dating they weren't looking for anything serious. They've been dating for a year. By now it is a serious relationship. Which doesn't mean he should let himself be pressured into doing something he doesn't want to do -- but it does mean that she isn't "rushing things".

Try reading the thread...The guy isn't looking for a serious relationship with this woman. Again in a serious relationship you don't announce you aren't dating anyone else...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those that are saying that your daughter needs to be your first priority.

I think you need to end the relationship. This woman is not considering your child with her rush to the alter and new baby. To lose a mother as a I child is an unimaginably horrific experience. To move toward marriage and a baby after a year of casually dating is not putting your daughter's wellbeing first. That's not a good trait for a future stepmother.

Please tell this woman to move on.

"A year" is not "casually dating".

He's repeatedly said that they were dating and not looking for something serious, that they are both mourning their spouses, and that in her most recent conversation she stated she wasn't dating anyone else. That's a casual relationship. If it was serious why would she need to tell him she was only seeing him? That wouldn't even be a question in a serious relationship.

Nope. He said when they started dating they weren't looking for anything serious. They've been dating for a year. By now it is a serious relationship. Which doesn't mean he should let himself be pressured into doing something he doesn't want to do -- but it does mean that she isn't "rushing things".

I think announcing that he has one week to propose and start making babies or she's gone, without any previous discussion on the topci, is just about the very defination of "rushing things".

[Anonymous]

Run!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did she demand YOU marry her or did she just give you the "shit or get off the pot" talk?

+1. At your age you should know what you want. Move forward or let her go.

It would've been different if she told me she wanted this in the beginning. We were first started dating she said she didn't want to remarry or have anymore kids and was interested in having fun.

I think it sounds like she changed her mind and got optimistic about the future. She was allowed to have fun, as you were. But a year later, things are different. It is also okay if you don't want that.

Different PP. I disagree. If she changed her mind, she would just say that. But she's framing it as a "now or never" demand. I think she played him. She saw a grieving widower who is good marriage material. He expressed that he just wanted something casual. So she played the long game, going along with the "just fun" attitude until she got him emotionally entangled. Now she's (as another PP says) taking a gamble and banking on the combination of his remaining grief, desire not to be alone, and emotions for her, that he'll go along even though it sounds like he indicated in the beginning he didn't want those things.

Something is not right. It sounds like OP's gut feeling is he doesn't want this and it wouldn't be good for his daughter. He should go with his gut.

This is a very solid analysis.

[Anonymous]

Another possibility that could explain the dramatic 180 ... maybe she's already pregnant now by someone else and you're the far better father material. That would explain the sense of urgency to get you to commit.

OP, your daughter is your number one priority. Period. You are the rock she is relying on and you have to put her well being at the very top of the list. You already know this. And you sound like a very decent guy. Your GF is behaving erratically and that won't get better after you are married.

A PP was right. Steel yourself for an emotional onslaught. She will do anything to trick or cajole you into staying. Get your mind clear on this before you see her again. There will be tears and promises and vows of love and offers of kinky, wild sex. Clear the pipes 3 or 4 times before you see her so you are thinking clearly.

It's crass to say, but you are FAR more marketable then she is. Don't fall into the trap that she's your last chance at love. You have many years of market value left.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Ultimatums are not good for any relationship. If you need to lay out an ultimatum it's a sign of something else that is seriously wrong with one of the two people in the relationship.

OP: I agree with a pp - you don't need a week. Call her today and say goodbye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those that are saying that your daughter needs to be your first priority.

I think you need to end the relationship. This woman is not considering your child with her rush to the alter and new baby. To lose a mother as a I child is an unimaginably horrific experience. To move toward marriage and a baby after a year of casually dating is not putting your daughter's wellbeing first. That's not a good trait for a future stepmother.

Please tell this woman to move on.

"A year" is not "casually dating".

He's repeatedly said that they were dating and not looking for something serious, that they are both mourning their spouses, and that in her most recent conversation she stated she wasn't dating anyone else. That's a casual relationship. If it was serious why would she need to tell him she was only seeing him? That wouldn't even be a question in a serious relationship.

Nope. He said when they started dating they weren't looking for anything serious. They've been dating for a year. By now it is a serious relationship. Which doesn't mean he should let himself be pressured into doing something he doesn't want to do -- but it does mean that she isn't "rushing things".

Try reading the thread...The guy isn't looking for a serious relationship with this woman. Again in a serious relationship you don't announce you aren't dating anyone else...

Try reading the thread. OP did not say that. He said when they started dating they weren't looking for anything serious. But then they dated for a year. That is not a casual relationship.

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend took matters into her own hands and got knocked up while were were dating. A few months into pregnancy it was like, gee, it would be nice if we got married. I agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend took matters into her own hands and got knocked up while were were dating. A few months into pregnancy it was like, gee, it would be nice if we got married. I agreed.

And to think you brought kids into the world without knowing where babies come from!

[Anonymous]

I bet her ex is getting remarried and/or had another baby, and now she's feeling like she has to show him she's moved on, too.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that we need to ascribe to her sinister motives. What she's going through isn't unusual. He shouldn't give in to it, but it's not anything that requires secret pregnancies or ex revenge or anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend took matters into her own hands and got knocked up while were were dating. A few months into pregnancy it was like, gee, it would be nice if we got married. I agreed.

And to think you brought kids into the world without knowing where babies come from!

In that case, "where babies come from" was "some other guy's balls".