Girlfriend is demanding that we get married and have a baby ASAP

[Anonymous]

You have a child. Don't have another with another woman, big mistake and not fair to the one you have.

I'd also get a vasectomy as quick as possible so you don't get tricked and end up paying someone support for a child you didn't want. Sorry to be blunt, but I've seen that happen quite a bit.

Tell her you want to wait another year, but kids are off the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a child. Don't have another with another woman, big mistake and not fair to the one you have.

I'd also get a vasectomy as quick as possible so you don't get tricked and end up paying someone support for a child you didn't want. Sorry to be blunt, but I've seen that happen quite a bit.

Tell her you want to wait another year, but kids are off the table.

This. Let's be real. You don't want another baby.

[Anonymous]

Well are you open to another child or are you not? That's the first thing you need to ask yourself.

[Anonymous]

Everyone on this thread needs to calm down. OP's girlfriend brought up her wishes at dinner yesterday. OP needs time to think about it. OP's girlfriend is fine with that, as long as he takes her seriously and sorts through his feelings rather soon.

So everything's good. This is what often happens. No worries.

So, OP, I gather you want to stay with this woman. Do you want another child?

My husband had his first child at 42 years old, and his second at 47. He woke up in the middle of the night and changed diapers and didn't mind. He cleaned up barf and soaked clothes and ran around helping me. His kids are the love of his life. Do you see yourself doing that?

[Anonymous]

At 40 you both are past the child days. Not to mention you both have kids so doesn't make sense. My friend had a child at age 40 and he's special needs. The odds go way up. A year is too soon to get married imo.
Enjoy yourselves, continue to date and see where it goes. I'd tell her that.

[Anonymous]

if you want to have children with her, then your time is running out, too. so you need to think whether 1) you want more children 2) whether you want those children with this woman.

if the answer is yes then you jump on it. if the answer is no... then you tell her that.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you currently live with your girlfriend and her child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have a child. Don't have another with another woman, big mistake and not fair to the one you have.

I'd also get a vasectomy as quick as possible so you don't get tricked and end up paying someone support for a child you didn't want. Sorry to be blunt, but I've seen that happen quite a bit.

Tell her you want to wait another year, but kids are off the table.

This. Let's be real. You don't want another baby.

It's a good way to wreck a good thing. At 40 time to pad the retirement, travel and enjoy life.
Changing diapers, sick kids or perhaps special needs could completely change those plans.

Concerning is the part about "demanding".

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like she is "demanding" anything from you. She is communicating with you what she wants. It is up to you to decide what to do with that information.

I think the fact that you are framing this as a demand says more about you and you need to let her go. It's okay for you not to want the same thing! But let her move on and work toward what she wants.

[Anonymous]

She was honest with you about what she wants out of this relationship. If you don't want the same thing, you need to be open about that. You will probably lose her, but that's how it goes. If she doesn't want to stick around while you decide how you feel, she doesn't have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like she is "demanding" anything from you. She is communicating with you what she wants. It is up to you to decide what to do with that information.

I think the fact that you are framing this as a demand says more about you and you need to let her go. It's okay for you not to want the same thing! But let her move on and work toward what she wants.

Not OP, but I don't read from the post that OP is somehow not letting his girlfriend leave. He would probably be relieved! But yes, he needs to communicate his wants just as she did.

[Anonymous]

How about the kids they already have???? It's sad when adults don't think of them. Many don't want to share their parent with steps or half siblings. When my kids saw what some of their friends parents were doing and how miserable they were I assured them I would never do that. They come first.

[Anonymous]

You clearly are not in the same place. You need to tell her that. She basically gave you the "shit or get off the pot" discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 40 you both are past the child days. Not to mention you both have kids so doesn't make sense. My friend had a child at age 40 and he's special needs. The odds go way up. A year is too soon to get married imo.
Enjoy yourselves, continue to date and see where it goes. I'd tell her that.

That's how I feel. Another year, maybe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Everyone on this thread needs to calm down. OP's girlfriend brought up her wishes at dinner yesterday. OP needs time to think about it. OP's girlfriend is fine with that, as long as he takes her seriously and sorts through his feelings rather soon.

So everything's good. This is what often happens. No worries.

So, OP, I gather you want to stay with this woman. Do you want another child?

My husband had his first child at 42 years old, and his second at 47. He woke up in the middle of the night and changed diapers and didn't mind. He cleaned up barf and soaked clothes and ran around helping me. His kids are the love of his life. Do you see yourself doing that?

PP again.
Another important point: it's really hard to get pregnant at her age. She might not be able to. She might spend money and effort into IVF or other treatments and will need your unconditional support during that ordeal. You might decide to adopt. I know a couple who adopted a newborn in their 50s.
So perhaps you need to probe and check how she's imagining this pregnancy. It's likely not going to be a bed of roses like the first one (if the first was easy).