Girlfriend is demanding that we get married and have a baby ASAP

[Anonymous]

I've been with her for almost a year and we've never discussed marriage or kids before. We've both been previously married (my wife passed, she's divorced) and we had a child in said marriages. She has a 10 year old and I have a 6 year old. We had dinner last night and she told me at the restaurant that she's ready to get married and wants to do as soon as possible because she wants another baby before she turns 40. I really love her and want to be with her, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to take that next step, especially not being pressured into it. I'm really not sure what to do.

[Anonymous]

You've been with her for a year and never discussed marriage before (never mind kids). Why haven't you ever wanted to talk about this?

[Anonymous]

Okay let's start with the basics...

What'd you say when she brought this up at dinner.
Did you say, "Okay sure honey"?
Did you say, "I don't know..."?
Did you say, "Hell no!"?
Or did you just ignore the remark altogether and say, "This is really good Romaine lettuce!"

How you handle things from here is very much predicated on what your initial response was when she brought this up.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I hope you take some time to think about it. She sounds really demanding.

I'm assuming you're in your 40's. Do you even want another kid, not to mention do the whole baby thing again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been with her for almost a year and we've never discussed marriage or kids before. We've both been previously married (my wife passed, she's divorced) and we had a child in said marriages. She has a 10 year old and I have a 6 year old. We had dinner last night and she told me at the restaurant that she's ready to get married and wants to do as soon as possible because she wants another baby before she turns 40. I really love her and want to be with her, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to take that next step, especially not being pressured into it. I'm really not sure what to do.

Well, you could just man up and tell her that. Why is it so hard for people to be honest with each other?

[Anonymous]

You sound like you have ADD. Just do what you are told to do and everyone will be happy

[Anonymous]

You don't decide these things in one conversation. Really think about where you are. If you aren't ready, you tell her that. You must be willing to lose her over it. Do not get married and have another kid just because you want to keep dating her. You also have to be willing to let her go, if you do feel like you aren't ready. If she wants another kid, she might need to find someone else. That's ok.

[Anonymous]

Did she demand YOU marry her or did she just give you the "shit or get off the pot" talk?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've been with her for a year and never discussed marriage before (never mind kids). Why haven't you ever wanted to talk about this?

When we started dating, I was still grieving as was she, so we weren't really looking for anything serious, just companionship.

I told her we did to further discuss it before making a decision and she said she's almost 40, she doesn't have time to wait so I better figure it out soon.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand what the issue is. You're not at the same place she is. You tell her that.

She can either except it and continue dating you or she can move on.

Nobody should be pressured into getting married and having kids. Especially if there are already children invovled.

[Anonymous]

this can't be true. according the volumes of posts, women never behave this way and they certainly don't give a rats ass what a man thinks, feels or wants.

[Anonymous]

And you say she's "demanding", did she say, "we need to do this now OR ELSE"? Or did she just communicate her feelings to you? Make clear what she wants. Your words are, "she told me at the restaurant that she's ready to get married and wants to do as soon as possible because she wants"

Told.... ready..... wants...wants". That's not really the same as "demands".

If she's coming up on 40, you say you are in love, she wants another kid, it is not inappropriate for her to be raising these issues. You guys probably should have discussed it before this. Maybe she raised it awkwardly if you are feeling pressured. But maybe instead of assuming she's pressuring you, you should step back and ask if she is just making her feelings clear.

[Anonymous]

Tough situation; sounds like you'd better figure it out. If she were younger I'd say run! But she is at the point where she needs to move to have another kid if that is what she wants. So make up your mind and let her know.

[Anonymous]

You have to be honest that time is not on your side if she wants another biological child. It may suck to face this pressure, but it's also important not to deny the facts.

[Anonymous]

"I REALLY LOVE HER BUT . . . .".

Hmm, sounds like you had different dating expectations but you never communicated them

I really love her but I'm not interested in a long term relationship.
OR
I really love her but I resent not being the one to ask.
OR
???