Girlfriend is demanding that we get married and have a baby ASAP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need to be married to have a baby?

I had that thought too.

Feel bad for OP. Thank goodness though you got to see this side now. I have no issue with her changing her mind or being up front about what she wants. It's giving you one week to decide when this is the first time the topic has come up, deciding how long it is acceptable to grieve, and not giving any thought/concern for your daughter (who would be her step-daughter if you married) - can't get past all those red flags.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. I guess I need to take more time to grieve before pursuing another relationship.

[Anonymous]

I agree with those that are saying that your daughter needs to be your first priority.

I think you need to end the relationship. This woman is not considering your child with her rush to the alter and new baby. To lose a mother as a I child is an unimaginably horrific experience. To move toward marriage and a baby after a year of casually dating is not putting your daughter's wellbeing first. That's not a good trait for a future stepmother.

Please tell this woman to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We talked again, she said it just hit her that she really wants another baby. She's not seeing anyone other than me and she thinks we need to stop grieving over our lost loves and move on with our lives because life is too short. She also gave me an ultimatum and said I have a week to propose to her or she's out. I told her I can't make that hasty decision in such a short amount of time and I have to think about my daughter just like she does. I told her if that's not good enough then maybe we should end things. She said we'll revisit this discussion again next week.

Wow. Call her now and say you don't need the week. You are done. No one gets to tell you when to be done grieveing your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. I guess I need to take more time to grieve before pursuing another relationship.

Sorry, op. Repeat pp here with the widow friend. it does take time. I lost my own mom as a teenager, and can tell you that grief is a process. I'm sorry your gf doesn't seem to get it. I hope if/when you do find yourself in a relationship again that it's with someone who understands what you're dealing with. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been with her for almost a year and we've never discussed marriage or kids before. We've both been previously married (my wife passed, she's divorced) and we had a child in said marriages. She has a 10 year old and I have a 6 year old. We had dinner last night and she told me at the restaurant that she's ready to get married and wants to do as soon as possible because she wants another baby before she turns 40. I really love her and want to be with her, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to take that next step, especially not being pressured into it. I'm really not sure what to do.

If you don't know after a year together, perhaps she's not for you. Don't waste her time. You both know her biological clock is ticking. Perhaps you don't want another child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I'm in agreement. You also have only been dating almost a year. For me, that's not long enough to give someone an ultimatum like she did. If you'd been dating 1.5 - 2 years, yeah, I'd say it was time to make a decision about your future but that's not your case. Sorry - and hugs.

Nah. You should know after 6 months whether or not you want to marry someone. If you don't know, then the answer is no you don't want to marry them and more time isn't going to change that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those that are saying that your daughter needs to be your first priority.

I think you need to end the relationship. This woman is not considering your child with her rush to the alter and new baby. To lose a mother as a I child is an unimaginably horrific experience. To move toward marriage and a baby after a year of casually dating is not putting your daughter's wellbeing first. That's not a good trait for a future stepmother.

Please tell this woman to move on.

"A year" is not "casually dating".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We talked again, she said it just hit her that she really wants another baby. She's not seeing anyone other than me and she thinks we need to stop grieving over our lost loves and move on with our lives because life is too short. She also gave me an ultimatum and said I have a week to propose to her or she's out. I told her I can't make that hasty decision in such a short amount of time and I have to think about my daughter just like she does. I told her if that's not good enough then maybe we should end things. She said we'll revisit this discussion again next week.

That's pretty damn obnoxious and pushy.

When you "revisit the discussion again" you better be ready for even more high-pressure demands. Or tearful begging. She will push whatever buttons she thinks will work. Because she is totally focused on what she wants, and has no interest in what's best for you or your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did she demand YOU marry her or did she just give you the "shit or get off the pot" talk?

+1

Can you even answer the question of what you'd need to know or see in order to "be ready"? Otherwise just fess up that you don't know what you want, la la la Dee da.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did she demand YOU marry her or did she just give you the "shit or get off the pot" talk?

+1. At your age you should know what you want. Move forward or let her go.

Agree. Do you want to be happy, what makes you happy. Many people remarry, do you want to remarry?

Same question for having a baby. Which if you love the woman and want to marry her is still an intriguing question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with those that are saying that your daughter needs to be your first priority.

I think you need to end the relationship. This woman is not considering your child with her rush to the alter and new baby. To lose a mother as a I child is an unimaginably horrific experience. To move toward marriage and a baby after a year of casually dating is not putting your daughter's wellbeing first. That's not a good trait for a future stepmother.

Please tell this woman to move on.

"A year" is not "casually dating".

He's repeatedly said that they were dating and not looking for something serious, that they are both mourning their spouses, and that in her most recent conversation she stated she wasn't dating anyone else. That's a casual relationship. If it was serious why would she need to tell him she was only seeing him? That wouldn't even be a question in a serious relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No discussion to ultimatum...ugh, no thank you. Cut your losses now. And I say this as a woman. She is too immature to have a good long term relationship with.

Sadly, I'm afraid I'm going to have to. I understand her feelings, but she doesn't seem to understand mine.

Does that mean she wasn't willing to wait another year?

No woman would bother going through a testing period year. Not worth the pressure and frankly by asking for more time you sound halfway to a No Thanks anyhow. time for you both to rip the bandaid off and say Goodbye. There's no respect to her asking her to hang around and there's no respect to you if you are still grieving and unable to love or consider marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. I guess I need to take more time to grieve before pursuing another relationship.

Here's $500 that you are married to another woman within 18 months time.

This is just the kick in the pants you need to move on and set some life goals. Tell your dumpee that timing is everything and just not on her side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you need to be married to have a baby?

Touché!