Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you close enough to your BIL to talk to him about it first? Or at the very least feel out what his relationship is like with that person who revealed the abuse to you?

Good question. That mysterious "someone" might have made up the tale, for all we know. Who is she, OP?? And how well do you know her? Maybe she's a revengeful ex-girlfriend of his, but isn't telling you that part.

Would you want your sister-in-law or brother-in-law to bring up something from your past that he or she had heard from a gossipy neighbor or acquaintance from school? Really???

This. What is your purpose besides dredging up old wounds? Do you want to one up your sister with a game if I know something you don't know, cause a rift in their marriage if he has put it behind him and chosen not to share or simply open old wounds in your bil? This is none of your business. Furthermore, it doesn't matter if it is your culture to share everything if it is not your brother-in-law's culture to share then shut the fuck up. This is none of your business.

I agree. What was the motivation of the woman who said this to you OP? Is this person a real friend or a gossip? I can't imagine a real friend who genuinely cared about BIL would use this story of abuse as a way to chat you up.

[Anonymous]

OP here, as I said, I will tell her.
Sister is not the type to go running up to him and blasting it out. She might slowing approach it, or bring up other things about the FIL first.
She's not dumb.
Anyway, different strokes, I am happy that I have a sister that I can talk to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, the purpose is simply for information. I come from a culture where people talk, and support each other, and aren't afraid of family and so on. There is no way that I would not tell her. I have never kept anything form her, and now is not the time to start.
That woman did not betray anyone, she just said it as it was. If they wanted no one else to know they were beating their kids, they should have lived in some mountain cabin. Tough --- for his father, the cat is out of the bag.

So tell your BIL you know, and tell him you and your sister talk about everything, so you won't keep it from her because if she found out later that you knew, she'd feel betrayed. Give him the opportunity to tell his wife first.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your sister already knows and hasn't told you because it's none of your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, as I said, I will tell her.
Sister is not the type to go running up to him and blasting it out. She might slowing approach it, or bring up other things about the FIL first.
She's not dumb.
Anyway, different strokes, I am happy that I have a sister that I can talk to.

I'm happy I have two sisters that I love dearly and can talk to as well, but we don't try to hurt each other by sharing info and gossip that may not be true. You seem to take particular joy in what you're doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, as I said, I will tell her.
Sister is not the type to go running up to him and blasting it out. She might slowing approach it, or bring up other things about the FIL first.
She's not dumb.
Anyway, different strokes, I am happy that I have a sister that I can talk to.

I bet you will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, as I said, I will tell her.
Sister is not the type to go running up to him and blasting it out. She might slowing approach it, or bring up other things about the FIL first.
She's not dumb.
Anyway, different strokes, I am happy that I have a sister that I can talk to.

You are entirely missing the point and actually seem quite smug about it. You are one piece of work, lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, as I said, I will tell her.
Sister is not the type to go running up to him and blasting it out. She might slowing approach it, or bring up other things about the FIL first.
She's not dumb.
Anyway, different strokes, I am happy that I have a sister that I can talk to.

I'm happy I have two sisters that I love dearly and can talk to as well, but we don't try to hurt each other by sharing info and gossip that may not be true. You seem to take particular joy in what you're doing.

+ 1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, the purpose is simply for information. I come from a culture where people talk, and support each other, and aren't afraid of family and so on. There is no way that I would not tell her. I have never kept anything form her, and now is not the time to start.
That woman did not betray anyone, she just said it as it was. If they wanted no one else to know they were beating their kids, they should have lived in some mountain cabin. Tough --- for his father, the cat is out of the bag.

So tell your BIL you know, and tell him you and your sister talk about everything, so you won't keep it from her because if she found out later that you knew, she'd feel betrayed. Give him the opportunity to tell his wife first.

His wife has not absolutely "right" to know this information. Op should not approach her bil. She should never have been told in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, as I said, I will tell her.
Sister is not the type to go running up to him and blasting it out. She might slowing approach it, or bring up other things about the FIL first.
She's not dumb.
Anyway, different strokes, I am happy that I have a sister that I can talk to.

You are entirely missing the point and actually seem quite smug about it. You are one piece of work, lady.

+ 100!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would mention it to my sister. But OP, your sister probably knows already.

+1 If you two are as close as you say you are, your sister might feel relieved to finally be able to discuss it with you.

+2 If it was my husband and my in-laws, I'd want to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would mention it to my sister. But OP, your sister probably knows already.

+1 If you two are as close as you say you are, your sister might feel relieved to finally be able to discuss it with you.

+2 If it was my husband and my in-laws, I'd want to know.

You absolutely have to tell your sister.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP, I'm not a survivor or abuse myself, but those who are upstream seem to make very good points- if this causes trauma for your brother- the victim, who shouldn't be put in a place to have to explain- why are you getting into it? It's great to be open in general and it sounds like you have a loving relationship with your sister. Perhaps this is a time when being loving isn't about being open.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why people are assuming you are horrible, OP. I can understand the impulse to tell your sister. I don't know whether it's the right thing to do or not, but I can understand why. I do think you should consider the reliability of the person who told you this information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would mention it to my sister. But OP, your sister probably knows already.

+1 If you two are as close as you say you are, your sister might feel relieved to finally be able to discuss it with you.

+2 If it was my husband and my in-laws, I'd want to know.

Because?