Need help in how to deal with a social situation from sons school

[Anonymous]

Your kids relationships will grow and flourish over time. I would absolutely want to know who my kids friends were and their family. It doesn't mean I have to like them. These are things you do for your kid (and husband). My husband doesn't like the theatre. He goes when I want to- he would love to stay home. Give and take.

[Anonymous]

I am dying to know which school. STA? St Pats? Sidwell?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am dying to know which school. STA? St Pats? Sidwell?

Has to be StA. St Pats doesn't have high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP,

I have tons and tons of family money. We live in a multi-million dollar home, travel, etc. I am thin by nature and blonde from a salon. My children go to top private. I might even know you.

And you know what? I'm actually very down to earth. I enjoy meeting new people, although I'm actually kind of an introvert myself. I love spending time with my family. We try to strike a balance between what our kids want and need. BUT because I am rich, blonde, and thin, I find myself constantly being written off as the type of woman you are describing. I try to be open and friendly but often am shut out by others.

If my children became friends with a new kid, I would certainly have the parents over. Not to suck up, but because I'm always on the lookout for new friends, and it's a great (and rare!) thing when you can be friends with the parents of your children's friends.

Please try to look past what you perceive to be the surface of these women and have an open mind. You may find more down to earth, friendly people than you expect!

This. Especially the last couple of sentences.

I understand how you feel OP and I've felt similarly in certain networks. But then I got to know one or two of the women and was surprised to really enjoy their company, be able to share similar things with them, etc.... Most of us are surprisingly insecure - so the parents who are inviting you over are reaching out. Be open to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am dying to know which school. STA? St Pats? Sidwell?

Don't tell, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, we have been in a similar situation and I encourage you to stretch yourself a little and go. You might be very pleasantly surprised. And on the practical side, those parents might be the ones who help your son out in the future when he is looking for jobs, internships or places to live. Or perhaps you might be a resource for one of your child's friends.

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. When you are busy with your own social circle, meeting new people isn't necessary, especially if the the new group has an active social calendar too.

Your son seems to be doing fine on his own. However, since your husband is interested in socializing with this group, you could attend occasional invites just to keep face (treat it like a required business function) yet still make time for your real friends and interests.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I long ago decided on a general rule that if one of us wants to go to an event or social gathering and the other doesn't, the one who wants to go out wins (there are exceptions if one of us is having a horrible week, doesn't feel well, etc.). We decided on this after learning through experience that the dreaded event always turns out to either be downright enjoyable, or at least much more enjoyable than the person who wanted to stay home anticipated. Plus, getting out and doing things and meeting people tends to enrich your life one way or another. If it ends up not being so fun, we at least enjoy rehashing the bad parts after. Sometimes one of us will go solo, but it's invariably a great bonding thing if we go together.

I think you and your husband will both enjoy this dinner if you go, OP, for the people-watching if nothing else. It doesn't have to mean anything long term, but it could turn out that way in the event you find you click with the hosts more than you expected. And I definitely agree with those who are counseling you not to write people off because they lead a different, more upper-class life than you. We have a few neighbors who are profoundly wealthy, even by Bethesda standards. They are among the kindest, most thoughtful people we know, country club memberships notwithstanding.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP. I'm on the short side for this region and I could stand to lose a few pounds. I get the intimidation. But it's really more about you than about them. You feel self conscious. Try to shift your focus from yourself (I don't fit in, I'm not as pretty, etc etc etc) to genuine interest in the other person. People are interesting. All people have something that is interesting about them, things they're passionate about, things they like to talk about. Try to focus on that and I bet you will have an enjoyable time with some good conversations.

[Anonymous]

Engage with the other parents and treat it as networking for you, your husband, and your child. Depending on what field he goes into after college, it may be a benefit for you to have been friends with a certain other parent whether for a reference letter or a job opportunity directly. People have a thing for hiring employees from "good, hardworking families."

[Anonymous]

I didn't read all the responses, but thought I'd point out that you need to be careful here too. If the other parents are so into all this superficial stuff (that you're not), the more they get to know you, the more they might perceive you as "beneath" them or "lower" than. If they do that, and start badmouthing your family (in subtle ways) to their kids, your kid could suddenly flip from being Mr. Popular to Mr. Nobody with "lower than" parents.

If you go, you better play the popularity game the same as in high school or your kid might suffer.

[Anonymous]

As i said this was a very condensed version- we are clearly not alike and that is totally fine! They are into luxury, I am not. They all travel together to their second and third homes, we have one home. Their kids have the best of everything, my son has the best of a few things, they live in multi million dollar homes we live in a home that is lovely but not on that level. They belong to CC club and we belong to a local pool club. Bottom line is we ARE different, it is not my imagination.

So put these pretenses on to socialize when I know full well when my son graduates, they will not give us the time of day. And you know what? It is fine, really it is. I have a few very good friends who I adore, who are intelluectlal and interesting and accomplished and we have a great time together. I don't need to pretend with these parents from his sh cool. I just don't see the point, it would be an act not the fostering of a genuine friendship.

What struck me about your posts is that everything you describe is material and superficial. You really don't know anything about these people and I've not seen anything to indicate that they've been rude or standoffish to you. Their houses, their cars, their CC memberships don't define who they are any more than your lack of these things define who you are. Can you really not find anything in common with them?And, to say they wouldn't give you the time of day after graduation?! How do you know? You may not be in the same social circles but I doubt very much they'd snub you. I also doubt that they're looking to develop a genuine friendship with you. Your kids spend a lot of time together and they just want to get to know their kids' friends' parents a little more. Totally normal.

You need to work on your mindset.

[Anonymous]

If you take away the perceived money and social class issues, this is not an unusual situation or anything outside of standard social interaction.

My son has been at a preschool for a few years and has become friendly, through age and proximity, to a couple boys whose families have started to invite us over socially.
That's normal.
That has happened slowly, over years even, with friendships growing and comfort increasing, at every job, school, club I have ever been a part of.

Your post could have read:
My son is becoming very outgoing and social as he had entered his high school years, with involvement in different clubs and sports. As he has matured he has made some nice hopefully life-long friends whose parents are reaching out socially to us. We are very proud of what a good representation of our family he has become and are looking forward to getting to know these children and their parents that are becoming an important part of our child's life.

And FWIW I'm also rich as hell and it's really insulting at some level that you are perpetuating these stereotypes of rich not nice skinny women. It's so old.

[Anonymous]

Your son is 16 it's past the point of needing to be bffs with his friends parents.

I loathe cliques as much as you.


That said it would not hurt to make an appearance or two and after that if you still don't like them you don't have to keep going.


The appearances are good to get familiar with your sons friends parents.

You might make a new one

You don't have to drop your other tried and true friends to do this.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you in high school yourself? If not, accept the invites if you are available and the people are pleasant enough. You don't need to be their best friend or have a ton in common with them, just polite. They are asking you to dinner, not to move in with them.