How do I respond to my GF's behavior on NYE?

[Anonymous]

She may be older than you are, but she is also very immature.

This sounds like a petty reason to ruin NYE.

Perhaps for the New Yr., you should resolve to find someone who is an actual woman. Someone who doesn't resort to doing things such as making you look like a joke to her friends and/or telling you she will break up with you if you go home.

A mature relationship is way past that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you weren't paying attention to something that was important to her and she flips out.

Her reaction seems way over the top, but I bet if we were to have a chat with girlfriend we'd see a pattern of behavior where she feels ignored by you.

Bottom line I don't think you two belong together. It's clear she needs to grow up, and you probably do to even though you tried to show us how perfect and mature you are in your OP.
Good luck in the new year.

OP here. We do communicate really well and she repeatedly tells me how grateful and appreciative she is to have someone like me who cares about her so much and treats her well. I can assure you this episode was not triggered by a pattern of me being inattentive to her or her needs.

But this is her basically saying she likes you because you are there to "do for her." Not because you are you -- because you treat her well and care about her. She is a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

I don't like the way she went for the jugular - literally attacking you with the intent to hurt you as deeply as possible. And all because you drank the water - wtf?

I like the way you handled things - you didn't tolerate it and went home. She may be the kind of person who can't respect you unless you stick up for yourself against her abuse. But she'll probably keep testing your boundaries this way - projecting all of her insecurity, etc on you, attacking you for it then coming back the next day with an apology.

It's unacceptable behavior. If you stay with her, you need to let her know that and stick to your guns. Don't let this become a pattern where she abuses you, you stick up for yourself and she comes back with her tail between her legs - that's a really easy (and unhealthy) pattern to get stuck in.

I highly doubt that you've never seen such behavior in her before. If you stay with her despite her abuse, you need to ask yourself why you want to be with someone like this.

If you were my son i would really want you to leave the relationship - I think many of us are old enough to be your mother and have lived and learned which is why we're telling you to get out. There are plenty of young women who wouldn't treat you this way.

[Anonymous]

I have seen a handful of wives publicly berate the husband. I never connected the dots till now but none of the marriages lasted more than a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you weren't paying attention to something that was important to her and she flips out.

Her reaction seems way over the top, but I bet if we were to have a chat with girlfriend we'd see a pattern of behavior where she feels ignored by you.

Bottom line I don't think you two belong together. It's clear she needs to grow up, and you probably do to even though you tried to show us how perfect and mature you are in your OP.
Good luck in the new year.

Agree

Agree with this too. You may not think so, but you are probably not paying attention as much as you think you are. Also, you told her you were "disappointed" and you think she's acting like your mother?

[Anonymous]

She's just not that into you. I say that as a woman. A young woman who adored you wouldn't act this way.

[Anonymous]

You don't respect each other. She sounds like the kind of person who has to create drama. You think she has shallow relationships. You are not compatible over the long term. Don't let inertia dictate your life.

[Anonymous]

quite simply it sounds like a mis-match, temperamentally and possibly also culturally.

I think you will split up, if not now, then eventually. Its definitely not a long term investment..

and sorry you had such a shitty NYE, it sounds zero fun.

[Anonymous]

'When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.'

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a keeper!

[Anonymous]

Is she hot

[Anonymous]

Life is too short to put up with that shit. Move on and find someone who can handle their emotions without attacking you.

[Anonymous]

Regardless of whether she was drunk and dealing with the HS insecurity a PP described or whether she is a cruel person when she drinks, or whether she just doesn't respect you, the fact is she berated you publicly. That's a terrible thing to do to someone you care about, and justifies ending the relationship. Maybe it was about her insecurity, but we all learned painful lessons like that in our youth. However if you want to stay together, do so cautiously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like the way she went for the jugular - literally attacking you with the intent to hurt you as deeply as possible. And all because you drank the water - wtf?

I like the way you handled things - you didn't tolerate it and went home. She may be the kind of person who can't respect you unless you stick up for yourself against her abuse. But she'll probably keep testing your boundaries this way - projecting all of her insecurity, etc on you, attacking you for it then coming back the next day with an apology.

It's unacceptable behavior. If you stay with her, you need to let her know that and stick to your guns. Don't let this become a pattern where she abuses you, you stick up for yourself and she comes back with her tail between her legs - that's a really easy (and unhealthy) pattern to get stuck in.

I highly doubt that you've never seen such behavior in her before. If you stay with her despite her abuse, you need to ask yourself why you want to be with someone like this.

If you were my son i would really want you to leave the relationship - I think many of us are old enough to be your mother and have lived and learned which is why we're telling you to get out. There are plenty of young women who wouldn't treat you this way.

+1. If you were already married I would recommend some sort of couples counseling and then I thought if you are in early 20's and only 2 years with no kids, in is it even worth the work to salvage the relationship at this point or just cut your losses? If you break up and this is some sort of immaturity on the part of the girlfriend versus it being her personality, she will learn the hard lesson now about how you should treat someone you love and won't make that mistake with the next guy.

Trying to be hurtful in an argument is a deal breaker for me in my friendships and definitely in my romantic relationships. Maybe there is that person that can let it roll of their back or be equally as nasty but that's not me.. How can I trust someone and be open knowing the first time they get upset with me over anything they will use that to try to hurt me? Publically berating me is the other deal breaker. I fully realize there are things that you can say privately to a person in a way that you don't put the person on the defensive and they are free to respond that if you say the same thing in a group of people it puts the person on the defensive and they may not feel comfortable even responding to the issue with other people around and that assume you are even trying to be delicate about it. If you are flat out yelling at someone as if they are a child - no way. Would you stay friends with someone that acted that way? Why would you accept that from a romantic partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she was showing off - belittling you to make herself look better in front of her friends. Very insecure. This is reality-TV "real-housewives" type behavior. Break it off with her. You'll be rid of an insincere person and she may learn the limitations of that kind of behavior - or she may find people who appreciate it.

I found out that she had told her friends that the reason I didn't come out with them was because I had too much to drink and was unable to get to the bar.

1) Be honest now. Is this true? If so, you may have other problems besides a nasty girlfriend. 2) If it's not true, dump her now, because she's lying to her friends about what happened instead of being grown up enough to tell them you had a fight.