Husband wants to visit a female friend in another state w/o me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, your husband gets to have friends of his own, even if you don't like all of them.

+1 Sorry OP. You are in the wrong on this one.

+2

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for your DH. He needs to stand up to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh! This is why I have lost 1/2 of my male friends, because their wives are insecure.

No it is because they have moved on and have wives and families and other priorities now.

It doesn't have to be either/or unless one party marries someone profoundly insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The day my husband chooses to flt to another state to see an old childhood girl friend is the day he can pack his rags and stay at her house forever.

I'm on your side OP. Your husband is a dick.

Me too. And I am a laid back kind of wife, especially w his friendships (married 20+ years too) Your nuclear family is your first priority. Period. And if your spouse is truly uncomfortable with a relationship you have, then your spouse's feelings need to come first.

Team OP on this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that he said no to visiting her with you when he was down there because he knows you don't like her and he didn't want you to then complain about taking the time to see her. He probably wants to talk openly with her about your problem with their friendship - and not in front of you. You don't have to like that, but people often talk to friends about spouses - that's life. OP,would you have the same problem given all the same facts if the friend were a guy? If not, then this really is about trust / jealousy. You can't win this one. I have deferred far too much to my wife over the years om visiting even local male friends, and that too has huge negativevconsequences over time. You give space or he will resent you. And if it's all a sham and he is trying to have a fling with her, your focus should be on why. Fighting over the trip won't help.

Would you pick a female friend who has been obviously cold amd bitchy to your wife and current relationships over your wife's feelings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one said this was a an ex-girlfriend. OP said it wad a friend who is a girl who grew up with him. Different

Agreed. I'm a very happily married DW. My best friend is a male that I grew up with. Our parents were friends from college and he and I were born a month apart and grew up on the same street our whole lives. There has NEVER been an inkling of other feelings for him. He's a brother. Thankfully DH understand this and respects this and they are actually really good friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that he said no to visiting her with you when he was down there because he knows you don't like her and he didn't want you to then complain about taking the time to see her. He probably wants to talk openly with her about your problem with their friendship - and not in front of you. You don't have to like that, but people often talk to friends about spouses - that's life. OP,would you have the same problem given all the same facts if the friend were a guy? If not, then this really is about trust / jealousy. You can't win this one. I have deferred far too much to my wife over the years om visiting even local male friends, and that too has huge negativevconsequences over time. You give space or he will resent you. And if it's all a sham and he is trying to have a fling with her, your focus should be on why. Fighting over the trip won't help.

Would you pick a female friend who has been obviously cold amd bitchy to your wife and current relationships over your wife's feelings?

We are getting OP's side (which seems a bit biased) Perhaps friend tried to be nice and OP was cold and bitchy (not surprising given how she comes across here) and friend stopped trying to get along with OP. Can't say I blame her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one said this was a an ex-girlfriend. OP said it wad a friend who is a girl who grew up with him. Different

Agreed. I'm a very happily married DW. My best friend is a male that I grew up with. Our parents were friends from college and he and I were born a month apart and grew up on the same street our whole lives. There has NEVER been an inkling of other feelings for him. He's a brother. Thankfully DH understand this and respects this and they are actually really good friends.

But if your male friend was a cold jackass to your husband from the first time they met, would you feel the same? Would you tell your husband tough, the friend was there first so your feelings don't matter? I doubt you would.

Betcha that is really why OP is upset. Husband is telling her by his words and actions that her feelings are second place.

[Anonymous]

He may want to see his old friend by himself, so he can complain about being unhappy with his suspicious, downer, controlling DW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one said this was a an ex-girlfriend. OP said it wad a friend who is a girl who grew up with him. Different

Agreed. I'm a very happily married DW. My best friend is a male that I grew up with. Our parents were friends from college and he and I were born a month apart and grew up on the same street our whole lives. There has NEVER been an inkling of other feelings for him. He's a brother. Thankfully DH understand this and respects this and they are actually really good friends.

But if your male friend was a cold jackass to your husband from the first time they met, would you feel the same? Would you tell your husband tough, the friend was there first so your feelings don't matter? I doubt you would.

Betcha that is really why OP is upset. Husband is telling her by his words and actions that her feelings are second place.

Well we are only getting OP's side of things. I'm guessing what happened was friend tried to be nice, OP blew her off, friend stopped trying. I mean, OP doesn't exactly seem friendly on here. So had that been me, I would have
1. Been mad at DH for treating friend like crap
2. Been mad at friend for not bothering to really try.

If her husband's friendship is anything like mine, this person is really like a sibling. It's not a concept that many people can get if they haven't been in our shoes.

I'm not saying our situations are the same. There just seems to be something about this whole scenario that is being left out and that's why OP is so annoyed by it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one said this was a an ex-girlfriend. OP said it wad a friend who is a girl who grew up with him. Different

Agreed. I'm a very happily married DW. My best friend is a male that I grew up with. Our parents were friends from college and he and I were born a month apart and grew up on the same street our whole lives. There has NEVER been an inkling of other feelings for him. He's a brother. Thankfully DH understand this and respects this and they are actually really good friends.

But if your male friend was a cold jackass to your husband from the first time they met, would you feel the same? Would you tell your husband tough, the friend was there first so your feelings don't matter? I doubt you would.

Betcha that is really why OP is upset. Husband is telling her by his words and actions that her feelings are second place.

Well considering how she talks about her husband, I doubt she's a joy to be married to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He may want to see his old friend by himself, so he can complain about being unhappy with his suspicious, downer, controlling DW.

+1000

[Anonymous]

I'm with OP. My DH doesn't have any female friends he grew up, but I have a lot of boy friends I grew up with. I would NEVER hang out with them now, and they would not hang out with me either. We are all married with kids. It's just a different phase of life. I do the occasional email and am friends on facebook, but I would never be invited to their house, nor would I invite them to mine. Seriously. I think you all are the same person responding because I can't be one of only a few who feel this way, and I know of no one's husband who has old female friends they hang out with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with OP. My DH doesn't have any female friends he grew up, but I have a lot of boy friends I grew up with. I would NEVER hang out with them now, and they would not hang out with me either. We are all married with kids. It's just a different phase of life. I do the occasional email and am friends on facebook, but I would never be invited to their house, nor would I invite them to mine. Seriously. I think you all are the same person responding because I can't be one of only a few who feel this way, and I know of no one's husband who has old female friends they hang out with.

I totally agree. What OP's husband is doing is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The day my husband chooses to flt to another state to see an old childhood girl friend is the day he can pack his rags and stay at her house forever.

I'm on your side OP. Your husband is a dick.

Really? My Ds has a female best friend since 2 mos old. He is now headed off to college. I hope he will always be there for her --his best friend. They are like brother/ sister as he does not have a sister and have always supported each other. They never missed a birthday, special event, school petrformance of one or the other. My DH has a female best friend he met in college; she is our Dc's godmother. I have never been insecure about this and when she had relationship/marriage issues was so glad that she could talk to my DH. She has become one of my closest friends. This is sad if our sons can only have male best friends becuase of a future wife/ partner insecurities.