Husband wants to visit a female friend in another state w/o me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with OP. My DH doesn't have any female friends he grew up, but I have a lot of boy friends I grew up with. I would NEVER hang out with them now, and they would not hang out with me either. We are all married with kids. It's just a different phase of life. I do the occasional email and am friends on facebook, but I would never be invited to their house, nor would I invite them to mine. Seriously. I think you all are the same person responding because I can't be one of only a few who feel this way, and I know of no one's husband who has old female friends they hang out with.

OP here. I honestly dont mind him having female friends. All of them are beyond nice to the point that we all hang out together and i dont care if he goes out solo with them. However, we were just down there so i dont get why he has to go back to visit her. He could have then, which i totally supported and actually pushed for him to do. So that pisses me off. She is a bitch but husband sticks up for her no matter what and it sucks that its as though he chooses her over me. Yes there is more to this story but its difficult for me to be specific on this board. Husband and i had a rocky relationship while i was pregnant to the point of us not being together anymore. He didnt care about the pregnancy or myself yet would talk to her on the phone asking how her pregnancy was going (we were both pregnant at the same time). Once off the phone, he would tell me all about her pregnancy but not once ask how i felt or excited about our pregnancy. Deep down inside i dont like her for more than her being cold to me. She comes before me and i hate that. This person is not an ex of my husband and i suspect zero cheating or wanting to be with her.

[Anonymous]

Ok your back story is weird- you say you don't think there is any cheating/feelings etc... But personally I cannot fathom my husband telling me he is driving out of state to see an 'old friend' ... Given what you said about him avoiding going ther while you were with him ... And now suddenly wanting to go by himself? Sorry that is weird to me. And the stuff about him talking to her while you were pregnant is all very strange.... Either way yes I would be pissed. He is prioritizing this woman over you and that is not cool. Ps I think you are in denial about him/ her never being romantically involved- or not thinking this could be a possibility. It absolutely sounds like that to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The day my husband chooses to flt to another state to see an old childhood girl friend is the day he can pack his rags and stay at her house forever.

I'm on your side OP. Your husband is a dick.

Me too. And I am a laid back kind of wife, especially w his friendships (married 20+ years too) Your nuclear family is your first priority. Period. And if your spouse is truly uncomfortable with a relationship you have, then your spouse's feelings need to come first.

Team OP on this one.

Another DW (18 years, together 22) on Team OP.

Here's what I'd set forth; I go along and we meet with friend's DH (and I grin and bare it) or friend can visit with her DH. No solo visits. I think this is a dangerous precedent. How would your DH react if you told him you were going to meet a male friend for dinner and he wasn't invited?

[Anonymous]

You see this month her husband is away and he's gonna tap that ass for old time sake.

[Anonymous]

OP you are annoying, and given the frequency of your posts, you seem like a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are annoying, and given the frequency of your posts, you seem like a troll.

OP here. Im on here a lot because im pissed, not talking to husband like we nornally talk and i cant sleep.

[Anonymous]

OP, your update made things very clear; I can't understand why people are piling on. I'm sorry your DH isn't making you a priority. Perhaps you can be open with him - instead of forbidding him to go, tell him why it upsets you. Your feelings are completely valid in the context of your history with your DH. But at this point the problem isnt this woman, it's your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The day my husband chooses to flt to another state to see an old childhood girl friend is the day he can pack his rags and stay at her house forever.

I'm on your side OP. Your husband is a dick.

+10

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok your back story is weird- you say you don't think there is any cheating/feelings etc... But personally I cannot fathom my husband telling me he is driving out of state to see an 'old friend' ... Given what you said about him avoiding going ther while you were with him ... And now suddenly wanting to go by himself? Sorry that is weird to me. And the stuff about him talking to her while you were pregnant is all very strange.... Either way yes I would be pissed. He is prioritizing this woman over you and that is not cool. Ps I think you are in denial about him/ her never being romantically involved- or not thinking this could be a possibility. It absolutely sounds like that to me.

Yep. He is into her.

Let him go. See a lawyer while he's (literally) down there.

[Anonymous]

OP, I posted earlier that you needed to back off or risk that he would resent you. Your back story changes my view quite a bit. As angry or resentful as I have ever gotten at DW, I cannot imagine the discrepency in your DHs treatment of you and his friend when you were both pregnant. I hate to think it, but that sounds like a guy who simply doesn't care much about you or is already so angry at you even if he loves you that he's just passive aggressively acting it out. His friend sounds like a minor player in the real story of the two of you. Don't lose sight of the forest for the trees.

[Anonymous]

As a guy father of two, I would never tell my wife that I would go out of state to "see a female friend". She would ask "wtf are you thinking?" and she'd be right... A "Female friend" that is not the wife of a friend is an oxymoron. OP you're obviously right to be upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband wants to visit a female friend, with whom he grew up with as friends, in another state. Im not ok with this. I told him this. I met the female twice and both times, she was very cold to me and although not rude to me (she didnt say a word to me to even be rude), she was rude to others. I dont want to go with him to visit her and her husband and child. He still wants to go. Im upset. I expressed this. He doesnt understand why im upset as they grew up together. Big deal... Its still a female friend you are visiting in another state. Am i overreacting?

As the late great Whitney Houston would have said, "Oh hell noooooooooo!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your update made things very clear; I can't understand why people are piling on. I'm sorry your DH isn't making you a priority. Perhaps you can be open with him - instead of forbidding him to go, tell him why it upsets you. Your feelings are completely valid in the context of your history with your DH. But at this point the problem isnt this woman, it's your DH.

I always find it suspicious when an OP comes back 4 pages and many posts later (when things aren't going their way) with "new" information that puts them into a better light.

I'm not on team OP. I think the first impression she gave off was the correct one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh! This is why I have lost 1/2 of my male friends, because their wives are insecure.

I did not lose my male friends, because I make sure their wives and my DH feel included in our friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with OP. My DH doesn't have any female friends he grew up, but I have a lot of boy friends I grew up with. I would NEVER hang out with them now, and they would not hang out with me either. We are all married with kids. It's just a different phase of life. I do the occasional email and am friends on facebook, but I would never be invited to their house, nor would I invite them to mine. Seriously. I think you all are the same person responding because I can't be one of only a few who feel this way, and I know of no one's husband who has old female friends they hang out with.

OP here. I honestly dont mind him having female friends. All of them are beyond nice to the point that we all hang out together and i dont care if he goes out solo with them. However, we were just down there so i dont get why he has to go back to visit her. He could have then, which i totally supported and actually pushed for him to do. So that pisses me off. She is a bitch but husband sticks up for her no matter what and it sucks that its as though he chooses her over me. Yes there is more to this story but its difficult for me to be specific on this board. Husband and i had a rocky relationship while i was pregnant to the point of us not being together anymore. He didnt care about the pregnancy or myself yet would talk to her on the phone asking how her pregnancy was going (we were both pregnant at the same time). Once off the phone, he would tell me all about her pregnancy but not once ask how i felt or excited about our pregnancy. Deep down inside i dont like her for more than her being cold to me. She comes before me and i hate that. This person is not an ex of my husband and i suspect zero cheating or wanting to be with her.

OP, I agree with you but wonder if there is more to this, like they were an item or he liked her and was rejected by her. There has to be more to this story. (that you do not know)