Fourth Date Silence

[Anonymous]

Agree with most who suggest one more shot. She may well be done, but a single decline is not definitive and it's certainly not inappropriate to ask again. If she declines again with not alternative suggestion then she's telling you what you need to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wtf...she turns you down because she knows that's not a good night, and you think it's over? That makes no sense.

This wtf...sounds like she's just saying its a bad night. If she was going to pull the plug she'd just stop responding

[Anonymous]

Well I texted a while ago with no response. Not normal for her, but hey people get busy at work. I think I have my answer, but it's a learning experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I texted a while ago with no response. Not normal for her, but hey people get busy at work. I think I have my answer, but it's a learning experience.

Man here. I realize that I've been out of the dating game for a long time, but I don't think I'd have texted her. Since she's already shut the door on this week and weekend, I'd probably have simply waited and called her next week and asked for a date.

I've never dated in the texting generation, but to me texting in these situations seems like a bad idea and ripe for misunderstandings. It also seems (to me) to come off as passive and weak. But maybe I'm just old.

[Anonymous]

I told my husband I was too tired to go out on our first date.
Sometimes "an excuse" is the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I texted a while ago with no response. Not normal for her, but hey people get busy at work. I think I have my answer, but it's a learning experience.

Man here. I realize that I've been out of the dating game for a long time, but I don't think I'd have texted her. Since she's already shut the door on this week and weekend, I'd probably have simply waited and called her next week and asked for a date.

I've never dated in the texting generation, but to me texting in these situations seems like a bad idea and ripe for misunderstandings. It also seems (to me) to come off as passive and weak. But maybe I'm just old.

Wait I asked her out in person at the end of our fourth date. I didn't text her to go out. She gave me the oh I'm going to be tired Thursday since I'll be out Wednesday line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well I texted a while ago with no response. Not normal for her, but hey people get busy at work. I think I have my answer, but it's a learning experience.

Man here. I realize that I've been out of the dating game for a long time, but I don't think I'd have texted her. Since she's already shut the door on this week and weekend, I'd probably have simply waited and called her next week and asked for a date.

I've never dated in the texting generation, but to me texting in these situations seems like a bad idea and ripe for misunderstandings. It also seems (to me) to come off as passive and weak. But maybe I'm just old.

Wait I asked her out in person at the end of our fourth date. I didn't text her to go out. She gave me the oh I'm going to be tired Thursday since I'll be out Wednesday line.

I'm saying that today's text was unnecessary. What were you hoping to accomplish? It comes off (imo) as weak.

You should (again, in my opinion) have simply left her alone and called again next week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people don't like to go out every night. Women like to look and feel good on a date. If she knows she's going to be hungover of gired, then she's being respectful of both your time and her needs. That's healthy. Sheesh.

X100

[Anonymous]

If you're not a kid anymore, then I'd take the straight-talk, say-it-like-it-is approach. In other words, be honest.

You can tell her you're really interested in seeing her again, you think you both have a good time together, but you're not sure if she's interested or maybe needs some more time to think about it? You can say that really, her feelings are none of your business unless she wants to make them your business but if she would like to go out again, she shouldn't hesitate to say so. You don't have any specific expectations on a date except to both have a good time. You're not on any particular timeline, deadline, or agenda, and you just feel lucky you found someone smart, beautiful, charming and funny who strikes your fancy.

You can also invite her to just say whatever it is she's thinking. If she's thinking that she doesn't see a date in the future, she can tell you this because you can take this news like a mature man. Yes, you'd be disappointed, but you'd wish her well and hope she finds the kind of happiness she wants and deserves.

As a grown woman, I would appreciate this kind of conversation. I would feel like I didn't have to drop hints, knowing that the adult man I canoodled can handle straight-talkin' women!

[Anonymous]

Hey similar thing happened to me last week. I didn't sleep with this girl, but we went on 3 dates. My question is I truly did like hanging out with her. She and I went salsa dancing as well. Even though she ignored my last text can I send her one in a few days inviting her out to dance with a few of my friends. Stating that we can hang out just as friends. Not sure if that is a weird thing to do?

[Anonymous]

Earlier PP here.....OP, just let this one go. if she comes back, great. Rather than wait around and beat yourself up, I would find a couple of interesting profiles and email those women.

The sooner you come to grips with the fact that this is somehow accepted behavior, the better off you will be. And as much as it sucks (I've been there before myself), I know women deal with this same crap from guys too.

I would also take this as a learning opportunity - understand that while you were being a stand up guy (and it certainly seems like that from your posts), there is a line that you may have crossed to being a little 'needy' (as 13:53 intimated).

Be confident in yourself - you know what you brig to the table. If a woman doesn't want to see that, that's on her, not on you. There are a lot of single people out there and it takes time and patience to find the right person for you - that happens when you are living a great life and are truly happy ---> that comes across as a confident man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey similar thing happened to me last week. I didn't sleep with this girl, but we went on 3 dates. My question is I truly did like hanging out with her. She and I went salsa dancing as well. Even though she ignored my last text can I send her one in a few days inviting her out to dance with a few of my friends. Stating that we can hang out just as friends. Not sure if that is a weird thing to do?

So, doesn't anyone actually call women anymore? Is it all by text?

No wonder no one ever has any idea what the other one is thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're not a kid anymore, then I'd take the straight-talk, say-it-like-it-is approach. In other words, be honest.

You can tell her you're really interested in seeing her again, you think you both have a good time together, but you're not sure if she's interested or maybe needs some more time to think about it? You can say that really, her feelings are none of your business unless she wants to make them your business but if she would like to go out again, she shouldn't hesitate to say so. You don't have any specific expectations on a date except to both have a good time. You're not on any particular timeline, deadline, or agenda, and you just feel lucky you found someone smart, beautiful, charming and funny who strikes your fancy.

You can also invite her to just say whatever it is she's thinking. If she's thinking that she doesn't see a date in the future, she can tell you this because you can take this news like a mature man. Yes, you'd be disappointed, but you'd wish her well and hope she finds the kind of happiness she wants and deserves.

As a grown woman, I would appreciate this kind of conversation. I would feel like I didn't have to drop hints, knowing that the adult man I canoodled can handle straight-talkin' women!

As a grown woman, I would hate this conversation and feel the need to back off even if I was initially interested. This feels like a therapy session to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey similar thing happened to me last week. I didn't sleep with this girl, but we went on 3 dates. My question is I truly did like hanging out with her. She and I went salsa dancing as well. Even though she ignored my last text can I send her one in a few days inviting her out to dance with a few of my friends. Stating that we can hang out just as friends. Not sure if that is a weird thing to do?

No, it's not weird. But I would call her. Then you can acknowledge that "the fourth date" is often fraught with meaning. "Does this mean he thinks we're an item? Does this mean he thinks the next step is going to bed? Does this mean something, anything?" And you can assure her that it really just is that you're enjoying spending time with her, whether it has romantic potential or not. And you can say you think she'll really like your friends, too. If it doesn't lead to a fifth date, that's okay. One date at a time! And if there's anything she wants to tell you--even if that is 'I'm not feeling an interest in further dating'--you can take it like a man.

I think women (and men) often are coy about saying no or I'm not interested because it hurts their date's feelings. Ironically, being elusive and playing games is even MORE hurtful, IMO. But it's passive, so it's the route many women take. Stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're not a kid anymore, then I'd take the straight-talk, say-it-like-it-is approach. In other words, be honest.

You can tell her you're really interested in seeing her again, you think you both have a good time together, but you're not sure if she's interested or maybe needs some more time to think about it? You can say that really, her feelings are none of your business unless she wants to make them your business but if she would like to go out again, she shouldn't hesitate to say so. You don't have any specific expectations on a date except to both have a good time. You're not on any particular timeline, deadline, or agenda, and you just feel lucky you found someone smart, beautiful, charming and funny who strikes your fancy.

You can also invite her to just say whatever it is she's thinking. If she's thinking that she doesn't see a date in the future, she can tell you this because you can take this news like a mature man. Yes, you'd be disappointed, but you'd wish her well and hope she finds the kind of happiness she wants and deserves.

As a grown woman, I would appreciate this kind of conversation. I would feel like I didn't have to drop hints, knowing that the adult man I canoodled can handle straight-talkin' women!

As a grown woman, I would hate this conversation and feel the need to back off even if I was initially interested. This feels like a therapy session to me.

Really? I honestly think women give off unreadable signals when, in fact, they know exactly what they want to communicate (let's take it slow; I don't have any chemistry with you; I want to date casually; I don't want to date at all; I just don't want to sleep with you (yet); I actually am really busy for the next two weeks; whatever). I find this really immature and unnecessarily hurtful to the other person. The "fourth date," I think, is often when women start to be indirect, because it's a perceived turning point. I, personally, prefer just being direct and honest, even if that means saying "I'm not sure yet, one date at a time."