Fourth Date Silence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody wants or likes to play games and yet everybody is playing games. Dating is exhausting.

Signed,
Single Woman Who Doesn't Play Games

I bet you do. You just probably don't see them as games. We all think how we do stuff is straight-up, transparent, and direct, but it almost never feels like that to the other person. The woman OP was ensnared with claimed she wasn't a games player, and yet, here we all are...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read every single comment here, but I have some random thoughts - Here's how my mind worked when I was in my 20s (female here)

1. Sometimes I really am too tired to go out during the week. In fact, by the time I was 28, I pretty much stopped going out during the week altogether.
2. When I first started dating, I didn't know I was supposed to show I was still interested by rejecting a date by offering an alternative. I always thought the guy was supposed to figure this out.
3. By the 4th date, I usually don't know enough about a person to know if I want to keep dating or not, or be in a relationship. If a guy pushed too hard, my default response was to reject or 'ghost.'
4. I was notorious (among my friends) for having a phone/cell service that sucked - missed calls/missed texts/etc. In fact, this still happens to this day. I spent the weekend at a friend's farm, and a close friend called me 2 days after I got back, complaining that she called me numerous times and I didn't get a single miscall. So if a guy were to back away after one unanswered text, it's likely that I never even got the message.

yeah dating sucks. I'm sorry for the OP. He sounds like an awesome person. I say - keep at it.

you sound like a pain in the ass

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody wants or likes to play games and yet everybody is playing games. Dating is exhausting.

Signed,
Single Woman Who Doesn't Play Games

I bet you do. You just probably don't see them as games. We all think how we do stuff is straight-up, transparent, and direct, but it almost never feels like that to the other person. The woman OP was ensnared with claimed she wasn't a games player, and yet, here we all are...

But does the OP deserve a "talk" after four dates? Like hey sorry I don't think this is going to work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody wants or likes to play games and yet everybody is playing games. Dating is exhausting.

Signed,
Single Woman Who Doesn't Play Games

I bet you do. You just probably don't see them as games. We all think how we do stuff is straight-up, transparent, and direct, but it almost never feels like that to the other person. The woman OP was ensnared with claimed she wasn't a games player, and yet, here we all are...

But does the OP deserve a "talk" after four dates? Like hey sorry I don't think this is going to work out.

Yeah. It's called common courtesy. Fuck, I must be getting old...

[Anonymous]

Ok OP must have done something right to make it to date 4 he does deserve a talk, even if wasn't faced to face. I mean you guys met online and she doesn't know how you would react. But I would say OP should have gotten a phone call over a text.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody wants or likes to play games and yet everybody is playing games. Dating is exhausting.

Signed,
Single Woman Who Doesn't Play Games

I bet you do. You just probably don't see them as games. We all think how we do stuff is straight-up, transparent, and direct, but it almost never feels like that to the other person. The woman OP was ensnared with claimed she wasn't a games player, and yet, here we all are...

But does the OP deserve a "talk" after four dates? Like hey sorry I don't think this is going to work out.

Yeah. It's called common courtesy. Fuck, I must be getting old...

To me, if he really wanted to know what the deal was, he could ask. Otherwise, to tell him, unsolicited, would be to presume that he was more interested than she was, which could be seen as offensive. If he directly asked, then it would be courteous for her to fill him in on her perspective, IMO.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me and I tried asking. She didn't pick up the phone and it went to VM. She stopped responding to texts. Really immature IMO.

OP if she is doing this now after four dates. She sounds like a handful too. Some guy is going to have to deal with that one day. Be glad it won't be you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me and I tried asking. She didn't pick up the phone and it went to VM. She stopped responding to texts. Really immature IMO.

OP if she is doing this now after four dates. She sounds like a handful too. Some guy is going to have to deal with that one day. Be glad it won't be you.

I agree that it was really immature -- sorry that this happened to you! I suppose that she may have been trying to spare your feelings in some way. What if the reason is -- not saying this was the case with you -- that one person finds the other excruciatingly boring although very nice, or they think the person is a terrible kisser? In that situation would you prefer to know the truth or just have calls go unanswered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me and I tried asking. She didn't pick up the phone and it went to VM. She stopped responding to texts. Really immature IMO.

OP if she is doing this now after four dates. She sounds like a handful too. Some guy is going to have to deal with that one day. Be glad it won't be you.

I agree that it was really immature -- sorry that this happened to you! I suppose that she may have been trying to spare your feelings in some way. What if the reason is -- not saying this was the case with you -- that one person finds the other excruciatingly boring although very nice, or they think the person is a terrible kisser? In that situation would you prefer to know the truth or just have calls go unanswered?

Well he did make it to date 4. If it was date 1 or date 2 then OK. I think once you hit anything after 3 the other person accepts these "flaws" if they are apparent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I deleted her number and unmatched her profile. So I'm going to have to say I'll survive. I'm just trying to learn this whole new online dating game.

Did I miss something? If she only said that she couldn't meet Thursday then you overreacted.

[Anonymous]

hmm I think he said that she also texted him back without asking him questions. Which is not normal for their text convos. Women like us to read in between the lines and when we don't get it we are thick. If she usually replies right away and then all of a sudden goes on long stretches without replying. I get why he did that. Now had OP been in a 3 month relationship where there was sex involved, then he should make an attempt. More time invested deserves more though. I say to him good job on dumping and running.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me and I tried asking. She didn't pick up the phone and it went to VM. She stopped responding to texts. Really immature IMO.

OP if she is doing this now after four dates. She sounds like a handful too. Some guy is going to have to deal with that one day. Be glad it won't be you.

I agree that it was really immature -- sorry that this happened to you! I suppose that she may have been trying to spare your feelings in some way. What if the reason is -- not saying this was the case with you -- that one person finds the other excruciatingly boring although very nice, or they think the person is a terrible kisser? In that situation would you prefer to know the truth or just have calls go unanswered?

Well he did make it to date 4. If it was date 1 or date 2 then OK. I think once you hit anything after 3 the other person accepts these "flaws" if they are apparent.

It could be that if he was really nice and he was "perfect on paper" she tried hard to overlook some really significant incompatibilities, but then she realized that she could not continue to do so. But you do have a good point. Maybe there was just no chemistry but she was trying to give it time, and still there was no chemistry. With no chemistry, though, I would think you could tell that to someone in a nice way. Another option could be that the person is seeing someone else or doesn't want to give up the option to look for someone else.

[Anonymous]

I agree that it was really immature -- sorry that this happened to you! I suppose that she may have been trying to spare your feelings in some way. What if the reason is -- not saying this was the case with you -- that one person finds the other excruciatingly boring although very nice, or they think the person is a terrible kisser? In that situation would you prefer to know the truth or just have calls go unanswered?

Well he did make it to date 4. If it was date 1 or date 2 then OK. I think once you hit anything after 3 the other person accepts these "flaws" if they are apparent.

It could be that if he was really nice and he was "perfect on paper" she tried hard to overlook some really significant incompatibilities, but then she realized that she could not continue to do so. But you do have a good point. Maybe there was just no chemistry but she was trying to give it time, and still there was no chemistry. With no chemistry, though, I would think you could tell that to someone in a nice way. Another option could be that the person is seeing someone else or doesn't want to give up the option to look for someone else.

True it could be someone else, but still you give the other person they hey sorry this isn't going to work talk. Those games are immature and childish.

[Anonymous]

Heh, in my younger and stupider days I would have texted her one last time and said "I guess you do play games huh". But I'm glad I'm not THAT dumb anymore.

Good job mate keep your head up.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't sound immature at all, she just sounds done. Which is fine. OP can go find someone else and count how many times he gropes her before he gets blown off again.