Fourth Date Silence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
No, it's not weird. But I would call her. Then you can acknowledge that "the fourth date" is often fraught with meaning. "Does this mean he thinks we're an item? Does this mean he thinks the next step is going to bed? Does this mean something, anything?" And you can assure her that it really just is that you're enjoying spending time with her, whether it has romantic potential or not. And you can say you think she'll really like your friends, too. If it doesn't lead to a fifth date, that's okay. One date at a time! And if there's anything she wants to tell you--even if that is 'I'm not feeling an interest in further dating'--you can take it like a man.

I think women (and men) often are coy about saying no or I'm not interested because it hurts their date's feelings. Ironically, being elusive and playing games is even MORE hurtful, IMO. But it's passive, so it's the route many women take. Stupid.

If we're not having sex by the fourth date, then there is no fifth date.

[Anonymous]

This whole thread is making me crazy.

She said no to a date. Ask her again. If she says no again then move on.

Quit trying to read minds or attach deep meaning to the response time for texts.

You ask. She says yes. Or she says no. This isn't physics.

[Anonymous]

Im the OP here you realize I stopped making comments by the first page. She has not texted me back the whole day. Which is not like her. So I am done. I was just asking since I am back in the dating game after like 10 years. Early 30s here, so wanted to get a feel of the dating "game".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im the OP here you realize I stopped making comments by the first page. She has not texted me back the whole day. Which is not like her. So I am done. I was just asking since I am back in the dating game after like 10 years. Early 30s here, so wanted to get a feel of the dating "game".

I'm not in the dating game myself, but honestly it sounds a lot more like a game than it was when I was a courtin'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im the OP here you realize I stopped making comments by the first page. She has not texted me back the whole day. Which is not like her. So I am done. I was just asking since I am back in the dating game after like 10 years. Early 30s here, so wanted to get a feel of the dating "game".

You're in your early 30s, haven't been in "the dating game" in 10 years and are annoyed that a person hasn't texted you back after a few hours?

Newsflash: adults sometimes have things going on that mean they can't answer texts until after work. This happens to me about 3 days a week. The only personal things I answer on those days are calls from my daughter's camp (if they call). Everything else just has to wait until 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im the OP here you realize I stopped making comments by the first page. She has not texted me back the whole day. Which is not like her. So I am done. I was just asking since I am back in the dating game after like 10 years. Early 30s here, so wanted to get a feel of the dating "game".

You're in your early 30s, haven't been in "the dating game" in 10 years and are annoyed that a person hasn't texted you back after a few hours?

Newsflash: adults sometimes have things going on that mean they can't answer texts until after work. This happens to me about 3 days a week. The only personal things I answer on those days are calls from my daughter's camp (if they call). Everything else just has to wait until 5.

Not annoyed. Just telling people on this forum here that Im not mad or hung up on the girl. I just trying to get my sea legs back. I was with my last girl since college and we didn't do texting or online dating that much back then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're not a kid anymore, then I'd take the straight-talk, say-it-like-it-is approach. In other words, be honest.

You can tell her you're really interested in seeing her again, you think you both have a good time together, but you're not sure if she's interested or maybe needs some more time to think about it? You can say that really, her feelings are none of your business unless she wants to make them your business but if she would like to go out again, she shouldn't hesitate to say so. You don't have any specific expectations on a date except to both have a good time. You're not on any particular timeline, deadline, or agenda, and you just feel lucky you found someone smart, beautiful, charming and funny who strikes your fancy.

You can also invite her to just say whatever it is she's thinking. If she's thinking that she doesn't see a date in the future, she can tell you this because you can take this news like a mature man. Yes, you'd be disappointed, but you'd wish her well and hope she finds the kind of happiness she wants and deserves.

As a grown woman, I would appreciate this kind of conversation. I would feel like I didn't have to drop hints, knowing that the adult man I canoodled can handle straight-talkin' women!

As a grown woman, I would hate this conversation and feel the need to back off even if I was initially interested. This feels like a therapy session to me.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im the OP here you realize I stopped making comments by the first page. She has not texted me back the whole day. Which is not like her. So I am done. I was just asking since I am back in the dating game after like 10 years. Early 30s here, so wanted to get a feel of the dating "game".

You're in your early 30s, haven't been in "the dating game" in 10 years and are annoyed that a person hasn't texted you back after a few hours?

Newsflash: adults sometimes have things going on that mean they can't answer texts until after work. This happens to me about 3 days a week. The only personal things I answer on those days are calls from my daughter's camp (if they call). Everything else just has to wait until 5.

If someone's a single pringle and has no kids, they're more likely to be glued to their phone, waiting for the next text.

On the other hand if a girl goes ghost, I suppose it's kosher to send a text in a few days, and then *maybe* one at random in a few weeks/months, after which she needs to be ghosted from OP's phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey similar thing happened to me last week. I didn't sleep with this girl, but we went on 3 dates. My question is I truly did like hanging out with her. She and I went salsa dancing as well. Even though she ignored my last text can I send her one in a few days inviting her out to dance with a few of my friends. Stating that we can hang out just as friends. Not sure if that is a weird thing to do?

So, doesn't anyone actually call women anymore? Is it all by text?

No wonder no one ever has any idea what the other one is thinking.

This seems to be the case. I've had some of the under 30 set say (on here at least) it's creepy when a guy actually calls them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey similar thing happened to me last week. I didn't sleep with this girl, but we went on 3 dates. My question is I truly did like hanging out with her. She and I went salsa dancing as well. Even though she ignored my last text can I send her one in a few days inviting her out to dance with a few of my friends. Stating that we can hang out just as friends. Not sure if that is a weird thing to do?

So, doesn't anyone actually call women anymore? Is it all by text?

No wonder no one ever has any idea what the other one is thinking.

This seems to be the case. I've had some of the under 30 set say (on here at least) it's creepy when a guy actually calls them.

Conducting a relationship by text seems like a bad idea. If nothing else the immediacy of it all seems to beg for trouble. Sometimes not being able to say what you're thinking at any given moment would be a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey similar thing happened to me last week. I didn't sleep with this girl, but we went on 3 dates. My question is I truly did like hanging out with her. She and I went salsa dancing as well. Even though she ignored my last text can I send her one in a few days inviting her out to dance with a few of my friends. Stating that we can hang out just as friends. Not sure if that is a weird thing to do?

So, doesn't anyone actually call women anymore? Is it all by text?

No wonder no one ever has any idea what the other one is thinking.

This seems to be the case. I've had some of the under 30 set say (on here at least) it's creepy when a guy actually calls them.

That's too bad. I met DW in 1990, before cell phones and texting. When we couldn't see each other we'd spend hours on the phone in the evening just talking. Now everything is short one-sentence blurbs.

[Anonymous]

texting is a part of dating now- I realize it was not the norm for a lot of posters here, but it is pretty standard especially moving from online to in person.

Op mentioned she didn't respond in a way that she normally would have, he got the information he needed.

OP- I think you handle this just fine, I was out there just over a year ago it is hard! But like one poster said, whether she answers you our not, you gave it a shot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is making me crazy.

She said no to a date. Ask her again. If she says no again then move on.

Quit trying to read minds or attach deep meaning to the response time for texts.

You ask. She says yes. Or she says no. This isn't physics.

I agree. OP follow this advice. 3 good dates, then one night that doesn't work and everyone is saying it's done?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread is making me crazy.

She said no to a date. Ask her again. If she says no again then move on.

Quit trying to read minds or attach deep meaning to the response time for texts.

You ask. She says yes. Or she says no. This isn't physics.

I agree. OP follow this advice. 3 good dates, then one night that doesn't work and everyone is saying it's done?

I think OP and some other posters picked up on the fact that she made an excuse without offering up another option that would work. Could very easily be a blow off, might not- hence why OP asked...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're not a kid anymore, then I'd take the straight-talk, say-it-like-it-is approach. In other words, be honest.

You can tell her you're really interested in seeing her again, you think you both have a good time together, but you're not sure if she's interested or maybe needs some more time to think about it? You can say that really, her feelings are none of your business unless she wants to make them your business but if she would like to go out again, she shouldn't hesitate to say so. You don't have any specific expectations on a date except to both have a good time. You're not on any particular timeline, deadline, or agenda, and you just feel lucky you found someone smart, beautiful, charming and funny who strikes your fancy.

You can also invite her to just say whatever it is she's thinking. If she's thinking that she doesn't see a date in the future, she can tell you this because you can take this news like a mature man. Yes, you'd be disappointed, but you'd wish her well and hope she finds the kind of happiness she wants and deserves.

As a grown woman, I would appreciate this kind of conversation. I would feel like I didn't have to drop hints, knowing that the adult man I canoodled can handle straight-talkin' women!

THIS. A thousand times this.

OP, I followed the advice laid out in this post and you know what? Yes, on the whole, it definitely cost me some opportunities to have sex with beautiful, interesting women. Because if I'd 'played the game' more, I could have gotten things to a sexual point before the mutual interest wasn't there anymore, and being forthright shut that off.

But you know what? I don't give a damn, because this very same approach led me to the love of my life, a woman who's every bit as enthusiastic and communicative as I am. That was in my early 20s and I'm 29 now and I have absolutely no regrets.

Be forthright. Fuck everyone who tells you to play games instead.