Fourth Date Silence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know OP I had a somewhat similar experience than you had. Some women told me I should have pushed to sleep with her by date 3 or 4 to show I'm interested. I asked some other women about it and they called me a pig if I had tried to sleep with her on date 3 or 4. There will always be a million opinions out there. Just take advice with a grain of salt. Keep your head up.

Correct. And the answer for OP (or anyone, man or woman) is to proceed...not how you think the other person wants you to...but how YOU want to. The connection comes when the two people find that they're naturally on the same page, not when someone tries to maneuver onto a different page based on advice or guesswork.

If after Date 4 one party is struggling to figure out whether or not it's working...then it's not working. When it's working, you'll know.

Great advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know OP I had a somewhat similar experience than you had. Some women told me I should have pushed to sleep with her by date 3 or 4 to show I'm interested. I asked some other women about it and they called me a pig if I had tried to sleep with her on date 3 or 4. There will always be a million opinions out there. Just take advice with a grain of salt. Keep your head up.

Correct. And the answer for OP (or anyone, man or woman) is to proceed...not how you think the other person wants you to...but how YOU want to. The connection comes when the two people find that they're naturally on the same page, not when someone tries to maneuver onto a different page based on advice or guesswork.

If after Date 4 one party is struggling to figure out whether or not it's working...then it's not working. When it's working, you'll know.

Very well said.

[Anonymous]

I feel for all you guys who have to deal with this game stuff sounds exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel for all you guys who have to deal with this game stuff sounds exhausting.

going to hug my wife a little bit tighter tonight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel for all you guys who have to deal with this game stuff sounds exhausting.

going to hug my wife a little bit tighter tonight

Ha ha, that's me. I didn't even like dating in my 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel for all you guys who have to deal with this game stuff sounds exhausting.

going to hug my wife a little bit tighter tonight

Ha ha, that's me. I didn't even like dating in my 20s.

I'd suspect that most men hate(d) dating. Unless you're in that 1% of dudes that has that rare combo of looks/money/charm then dating is an agonizing experience.

Now, having a girlfriend is great, but the interview process to get there is brutal for guys. Probably is for women too but as a guy it always felt like they held the cards.

[Anonymous]

I think they do. I think in general it is much easier for a women to get a date than a guy. I said in general people remember that!

[Anonymous]

Just remember kiddies even though dates 1, 2, 3 go well...doesn't mean you are in the safe zone just yet...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No I know I'm not too upset by her. She is actually from Europe and she is a very blunt person who actually said she doesn't like girls who play too many games. Her words on date 1 "you either like someone or don't, just don't play games." Her actions show me she doesn't so why would I chase?

You are right tough to express everything in a few text postings.

Well? Do you like her or what? If you do, it's probably worth saying so, because what is there to loose? Rejection does suck, though.

If you don't then meh. Move on and clear your schedule.

[Anonymous]

I think its kind of done now. You just know in your gut that it was going south. As someone else wrote in this thread, it just sucks how you are not even safe after 4 dates with someone. You need to be on your A game always!

[Anonymous]

Wait so this girl tells you she doesn't play games, but she makes up an excuse on the spot. And avoids you via texting vs saying hey listen this is not working anymore?

Ladies I may be wrong here, but to me this girl is playing games herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait so this girl tells you she doesn't play games, but she makes up an excuse on the spot. And avoids you via texting vs saying hey listen this is not working anymore?

Ladies I may be wrong here, but to me this girl is playing games herself.

Yeah, exactly! I hate playing games. It also sucks if you're not sure whether the other person is really invested or not, so why, if you've made up your mind, would you unnecessarily say "I'm not interested in you that way." It seems harsh to say so unprompted.

I've had men I've dated in the past also prefer to remain evasive. I figured out they weren't interested when maybe I was, but I'm glad it was early on in the dating cycle (dates 2-4) that they subtly signaled "nope" and I could receive that signal. On the other hand, the dude whom I eventually married was completely honest and said right off: "Wow, I think I really like you a LOT." Because the feeling was mutual, it was a great relief to not have to play these polite little games of not saying exactly what you feel and trying to figure out what was going on in the other person's head. I was very impressed by his courage! (Though maybe my big doe-eyed pupils and ridiculous giddiness gave me away: love at second sight. )

[Anonymous]

I didn't read every single comment here, but I have some random thoughts - Here's how my mind worked when I was in my 20s (female here)

1. Sometimes I really am too tired to go out during the week. In fact, by the time I was 28, I pretty much stopped going out during the week altogether.
2. When I first started dating, I didn't know I was supposed to show I was still interested by rejecting a date by offering an alternative. I always thought the guy was supposed to figure this out.
3. By the 4th date, I usually don't know enough about a person to know if I want to keep dating or not, or be in a relationship. If a guy pushed too hard, my default response was to reject or 'ghost.'
4. I was notorious (among my friends) for having a phone/cell service that sucked - missed calls/missed texts/etc. In fact, this still happens to this day. I spent the weekend at a friend's farm, and a close friend called me 2 days after I got back, complaining that she called me numerous times and I didn't get a single miscall. So if a guy were to back away after one unanswered text, it's likely that I never even got the message.

yeah dating sucks. I'm sorry for the OP. He sounds like an awesome person. I say - keep at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read every single comment here, but I have some random thoughts - Here's how my mind worked when I was in my 20s (female here)

1. Sometimes I really am too tired to go out during the week. In fact, by the time I was 28, I pretty much stopped going out during the week altogether.
2. When I first started dating, I didn't know I was supposed to show I was still interested by rejecting a date by offering an alternative. I always thought the guy was supposed to figure this out.
3. By the 4th date, I usually don't know enough about a person to know if I want to keep dating or not, or be in a relationship. If a guy pushed too hard, my default response was to reject or 'ghost.'
4. I was notorious (among my friends) for having a phone/cell service that sucked - missed calls/missed texts/etc. In fact, this still happens to this day. I spent the weekend at a friend's farm, and a close friend called me 2 days after I got back, complaining that she called me numerous times and I didn't get a single miscall. So if a guy were to back away after one unanswered text, it's likely that I never even got the message.

yeah dating sucks. I'm sorry for the OP. He sounds like an awesome person. I say - keep at it.

I think the the main issue here is not that she is busy one night. It's she was not like oh lets shoot for another week. And you do get a feel of how a person texts you back and fourth after a month. But how many of us actually tell someone early on hey this is not going to work sorry? But I think by date 4 the other person earns the right to get the "talk" that this is not going to work. Even if you choose to do it remotely if not face to face. Hang in their OP!

[Anonymous]

Nobody wants or likes to play games and yet everybody is playing games. Dating is exhausting.

Signed,
Single Woman Who Doesn't Play Games