Pregnant at 42.5 and with serious marital issues

[Anonymous]

Don't think you should abort. I think sometimes BC failing is a blessing in disguise. You're almost 43 and pregnant on BC. What are the odds, you know? You need individual counseling.

[Anonymous]

Be happy that you are having sex. Sex with a crazy DH is better than no sex.

[Anonymous]

You have time OP. Just breathe for a few days and try to find a way through to whatever your truest inner voice tells you is right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have an abortion but I realize that's not acceptable for some. But it's hard to coparent anyway. Throw mental illness and abuse into the mix and it's even worse. I wouldn't bring another child into that. I'd focus on providing the best emotional support for my existing child.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm so sorry. I know this must be a tough time for you to have to take in this news and face a decision. I'm 5 years younger (and NOT having sex with my husband), but we're dealing with serious marital issues too (addiction and adultery) and I have no idea how I'd handle a pregnancy.

Do you have an individual therapist you could speak with, or could you start working with one? Is your husband aware of the pregnancy yet? If not, what do you think his feelings will be about it? Do you have any close friends or family you can lean on right now for emotional support?

Any decision here probably depends on a lot of factors. How comfortable you feel about parenting another child with your husband, whether you're married or not. Whether you think you could manage (logistically, financially, etc.) being a single mother to two children if you divorce. Whether you want another child, even if it doesn't feel like the right time.

Again, I'm sorry for the shock and timing of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Abort

+1 Would be very worried that child would be bipolar also. Very strong genetic tie.

Aborting a baby because one of the parents is bipolar is one of the grosser things I've ever read on here.

Of all the things she's dealing with, the baby (or other child) maybe having bipolar when they're older really shouldn't be a top concern at this point. And certainly not a reason to abort.

+1
Also one of the most ignorant and ill informed statements I've seen on this site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have an abortion but I realize that's not acceptable for some. But it's hard to coparent anyway. Throw mental illness and abuse into the mix and it's even worse. I wouldn't bring another child into that. I'd focus on providing the best emotional support for my existing child.

+1

+2 Having a baby with a bi-polar abuser...that's a lot to take on.

[Anonymous]

This is really tough. I think you have to look at which decision you would regret the most 10, 20, or even 30 years from now. If you don't have this child you most likely will not have another. While not the same situation per say, my 2nd pregnancy was a surprise and my kids were far closer than I would have planned. It was really tough the first few years but now 8 years later I'm happy we had the 2nd when we did. In our case, our oldest started having issues in school in 2nd grade ....we could not have known that ahead of time. Her issues, while not severe, have a genetic link. Despite the extra challenges, I would still have chosen to have my oldest even if I knew ahead of time the challenges we would face. Yet, I'm also grateful for the chance to parent a child with less challenges and happy that they have found friendship and support with each other so far.

If you believe that the decision to have a second child would stand the test of time and even though the next x amount of time would be hard, let's say 5 years from now you will be happy with that decision. You have to figure out what supports you need to make this feasible. Do you need to be closer to family, would you need to be in a place big enough to have an Au pair, would you need to live in a less expensive area etc.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your failing marriage is an aside, but this sibling for the child you have now is essential for you and your current child. It offers your child a lifetime of support and comfort in their sibling relationship and sharing the burden of caring for you in your old age. Please have the baby for all involved.

+1.

[Anonymous]

42 weeks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your failing marriage is an aside, but this sibling for the child you have now is essential for you and your current child. It offers your child a lifetime of support and comfort in their sibling relationship and sharing the burden of caring for you in your old age. Please have the baby for all involved.

+1.

You've got to be kidding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:42 weeks?

42 years old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Abort

I don't think you should rush to this just yet.

I can only imagine how hard it is being a single parent - my sister is one. But a sibling to your DC might be a good thing, especially if you do divorce.

Are you worried that your baby might be bipolar, too? I can understand that. I think I would be, too.

Their marriage is on the rocks. Why the hell would you bring a child in to that situation? That is selfish.

I love when people pretend the selfish decision is to NOT have an abortion. Why doesn't she just kill her five year old too? I mean, isn't it selfish for her to allow her daughter to be in that situation?

[Anonymous]

Yikes OP!! What a way to start off the New Year. I am sorry this has happened to you, plus what are the odds, right??!

Honestly, if it was me, I would seek to terminate the pregnancy as soon as possible. I do not know how you feel about abortion so I cannot advise you on this as it is a very personal choice as well as controversial.

I would do it only because at your age the chances of carrying this baby to full-term and having it born healthy, free of genetic disorders and at a healthy weight are at low odds. Plus, I would worry about Down Syndrome as well. Also, I wouldn't want to possibly be a single mother to two young children in my middle age.

However, that is my choice, but if you are opposed to abortion then you may want to consider adoption or if you have a good support system you may even consider raising the child as a single mother. There will be many unique challenges at your age, but if you are really strong-willed and determined to keep this child, then nothing will stand in your way.

This is a very important decision either way. Do not make it for anyone but YOURSELF. Do not let anyone's political or religious views influence you either way. This is your life and you will have to live with your choices ultimately.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you only the best.

Good luck to both you and your five yr. old child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be happy that you are having sex. Sex with a crazy DH is better than no sex.

Assuming OP wants to be having sex with her husband, and was not somehow coerced into it.